


Forget Me Not

by mihomi98



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amnesia, Car Accident, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 09:05:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 47,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9314768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mihomi98/pseuds/mihomi98
Summary: Enjolras Herman has everything that he has ever wanted: a home of his own, two beautiful children, and, most importantly, the love of his life by his side. When Enjolras' husband Grantaire gets into a car crash and loses all of his memories, however, Enjolras is forced to live with the reality that everything is temporary and that the life that he once treasured so greatly may never be the same again.





	

 

 

 

1

 

For Enjolras Herman, October 19, 2014 started just like any other day. His alarm was blaring, his head was pounding, and both his husband and the blankets were wrapped around his body like a boa constrictor killing its prey.

Enjolras swung his arm over the edge of the bed and groaned, slamming his hand against the bed table in vain as he tried to silence the noise. “Baby, turn it off,” Enjolras’s husband, Grantaire, muttered before nuzzling his head against Enjolras’s bare chest.

Enjolras opened his eyes and looked over, finally grabbing a hold of the offending device and turning the alarm off. He put the phone back down on the table before leaning down and pressing a kiss to Grantaire’s hair. Grantaire looked up at Enjolras through his lashes and smiled sleepily. He strained his neck for a good-morning kiss. “Good morning, sweetheart. Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, I did.” Enjolras leaned down and kissed Grantaire again. He started to sit up only to be pulled back down.

“No, stay here,” Grantaire moaned, his eyelids drooping as he started to fall back asleep.

Enjolras chuckled, untangling Grantaire’s arms from around his waist. “I have to go and get Allie ready for her school pictures.”

Grantaire shook his head, nuzzling into the pillow. “I’m more important. Please stay?”

Enjolras let out a breath and started to lie down, shooting back up when Grantaire started to cuddle him again. He sprang out of bed, letting out a laugh when Grantaire groaned again and turned over, pouting. Enjolras leaned over and kissed the side of Grantaire’s head. “Go back to sleep, baby. I love you.”

Enjolras ran his fingers though Grantaire’s hair before walking over to the door, turning around right before he stepped into the hall. Grantaire always looked so peaceful when he slept, before the stress of the bakery got to him. It was one of Enjolras’s favorite times of the day when he could just be a passive observer to his husband’s happiness.

Enjolras left the room and went down the hall to the bathroom. He took a quick shower and brushed his teeth before coming downstairs. He passed the living room and went through the kitchen to a door that was covered in horse stickers and posters of _Black Beauty_ at the end of the hall. He knocked on the door before going in.

The inside of the room looked the same as the door. There was a twin-sized bed in the corner of the room, where a dark-tan girl with wild brown curls was sprawled out. Her blankets were tossed in piles around the room, and her pillow was wedged between the wall and her bed. Enjolras chuckled before going over and sitting down on the edge. He grabbed a hold of the girl’s arm and shook it gently. “Come on, Allie. It’s time to get up for school.” No response. Enjolras rolled his eyes before shaking more roughly.

Allie groaned and rolled over. “Five more minutes.”

“No, baby, it’s time to get up.”

Allie let out another groan before sitting up, her hair a wild mass surrounding her like a mane. She had lines around her face from her pillow, and there was a line of drool trailing from the corner of her lip to her cheekbones. She glared at Enjolras before putting her feet on the ground and standing up.

Enjolras winked at her before walking towards the doorway. “Come to the kitchen when you are dressed.”

He left the room and went back up the stairs to a room across the hall from the master bedroom. He walked over to a Mattress in the center of the room, where a toddler was curled up in a ball. Enjolras walked over and picked the boy up, cradling him to his chest as the boy began to wake up. “Morning, buddy. It’s breakfast time.”

Jack nodded before putting his head back down on Enjolras’s shoulder. As Enjolras walked over to the dresser, Jack started snoring again. Enjolras jostled his shoulder and woke the boy, crouching down and standing him up to get him dressed.

Once Jack was fully dressed, Enjolras picked him back up and carried him down to the kitchen. Allie was already there (a fact that surprised Enjolras greatly), sitting at the table with her hair pulled back into a ponytail and her head on the table. She was wearing a pink-and-grey striped dress. When she heard her dad and her brother enter the room, she lifted her head and glared before reaching forward and grabbing her glass of orange juice.

Enjolras hoisted Jack higher on his hip before going over to the high chair. He set the boy down, chuckling when he immediately started playing with the tiny horse figurines that he had left there the night before. He turned back to Allie to see that she was still glaring into her drink. “I will never understand why Papa and you hate the mornings so much. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, it’s a new day!”

Allie muttered something. When Enjolras raised an eyebrow, she rolled her eyes, and spoke again. “Of course you like the mornings. You don’t have to go to school.”

“Oh, really?” Enjolras was a third-grade teacher.

“ _Fine,_ you don’t have to listen to anyone else at school.”

Enjolras shook his head. “Whatever you say, baby.” He walked over to the freezer and opened it, pulling out a box of frozen waffles. He popped them in the toaster before pulling out a bowl of strawberries and cutting them up. Once the waffles popped up, he put them on plates and cut them up before scooping the strawberries onto them. He handed the plates to the kids before getting himself a bowl of cereal.

The kitchen was quiet while the trio ate. Enjolras scarfed down his cereal before grabbing the now-empty dishes from the kids. He loaded them into the dishwasher. “Okay, Allie, go and brush your teeth and meet me back down here once you’re done, please.” He picked up Jack and took him upstairs, doing the same.

Five minutes later, Enjolras and the kids were in the car. Allie was in the front passenger seat, and Jack was in his car seat in back. Just like every morning, Allie and Enjolras were disagreeing over what radio station to play. Every time Enjolras chose a station, no Matter how much Allie loved the song, she would change it. Eventually, Enjolras just gave up and let Allie choose.

Enjolras pulled up in front of the middle school, giving Allie a warm smile. “Have a good day at school, baby.”

Allie rolled her eyes and got out of the car. Enjolras chuckled, making eye contact with Jack in the rearview mirror. “Sissy needs an attitude adjustment, doesn’t she?”

Jack giggled in response. Enjolras looked back through the window before turning the radio back to his station and driving towards the daycare that was only a block away from Allie’s school.

He pulled into a parking spot and got out of the car, quickly coming around to the side where Jack’s seatbelt was buckled. “Come on buddy, let’s go and see your friends.” Jack got a nervous look on his face. He pouted before hiding his face in Enjolras’s shoulder. “Hey, there’s no reason for you to be shy. You’ve done this plenty of time.”

“Don’t wanna go.”

Enjolras kissed Jack’s temple. “I know you don’t, buddy, but you know that Daddy can only stay home with you when it’s summer break. I have to work during the school year.”

Enjolras took Jack into the classroom, trying to ignore the whimpers that Jack let out. He went over to the boy’s teacher. She was pretty African American woman named Amanda. She was slender, yet curvy, with full rose-colored lips. The most stunning feature of hers, however, was her high cheekbones, which made her look exotic and sophisticated.

The classroom was full of children and, just like Enjolras had suspected, Jack’s temperament brightened as soon as he caught sight of all the fun that his friends were having. He was still acting shy, though, and tightened his grip around Enjolras’s neck.

Enjolras greeted Amanda before putting Jack down on the ground. He smiled when he saw her crouch down and whisper something to Jack that sent him running across the room to a little boy in glasses who was sitting by himself, looking at a book.

Enjolras shook his head. He knew that the shyness was just an act. “So, what did you say that made him go over there without even saying goodbye to me?”

Amanda straightened up before shrugging. “I just told him that Tyler needed a friend this morning. Jack is a good boy; he was happy to help.” She looked away, smirking slightly. “I may also have told him that I brought chocolate chip cookies in for anyone who played nicely with the other students this morning.”

“That would do it.”

Enjolras cast one final glance into the classroom before turning back around and making his way back out to the parking lot. He winced as he shut the door behind him, the sound of Jack's interest waning back to his absent father echoing through the thick glass observation window. He shook his head. No Matter how many days Enjolras dropped Jack off at daycare, he would never get used to the sound of his child's screams.

Enjolras shook the thought away, making his way out of the daycare to his car. He quickly started the vehicle, blasting both the radio and air conditioning as he drove to work. He hoped that by the time he got there, his head would be back in the game, and away from the innocent fears of his son. He had a play to prepare for.

 

 

 

2

The light streamed through the thin garnet curtains, lighting the ground in pale streaks as Grantaire groggily opened his eyes. Besides him, his phone was glowing and slowly moving across the night table as it vibrated to somebody’s call. Grantaire reached out and answered it, not even bothering to look at the caller I.D. "Hello?"

"Hey, Grantaire, I am so sorry to call you on your day off, but three people have called in today, and it would be a really big help if you came in," a female voice said. It was Aimee, one of the managers at Nevermore Baked Goods, the bakery that Grantaire co-owned with Enjolras's elder brother, Courfeyrac. "Things were all right when Courfeyrac was here, but he has to do the deliveries today since Julian called off, so it’s just me and the Baking Boys."

The Baking Boys was a name that Grantaire had given two of the interns, Jace and Dennis, on their first day at the bakery. Grantaire yawned before answering Aimee. "Give me a half hour to get ready then I will be there."

"Thank you, Grantaire."

"Anytime, Aimes." He hung up the phone and placed it back on the table, yawning and rubbing his eyes as he did so. He glanced at the clock across the room to see that it was a little after ten. He forced himself to get out of bed and into the shower, turning the water on as hot as he could stand to wake him up.

Twenty minutes later, Grantaire had showered, shaved, gotten dressed, and brushed his teeth. He made his way down to the kitchen, pouring himself a travel mug full of coffee before leaving the house.

Grantaire let his mind wander as he drove to the bakery. He thought about Allie and Jack, and about the new baby that Enjolras and he were expecting. Around five months ago, Grantaire and Enjolras had met with a young woman named Elizabeth. They had met her through a surrogacy service and, in a few months time, she would be giving birth to a beautiful baby girl. It would be the first child that Enjolras and he had that was a part of one of them. For Grantaire, the day couldn't come soon enough. There had been some trouble with the pregnancy, so they hadn't told anyone other than their parents and their siblings (the children didn't even know), but it was still exciting. Grantaire knew Allie would be great with the baby, but he couldn't wait to see the excitement on Jack's face the first time he got to hold little Karlee Mae.

Grantaire pulled into the "owner" space at the front of the door. He walked in, casting a glance at the pictures that lined the hallway that led to the main dining room. The largest picture was of him and a biracial man, Courfeyrac, on the day that they opened the bakery. Next to it, there was a picture of Enjolras and Grantaire on their wedding day. There were also pictures of Grantaire's sister, Colleen, and all of Courfeyrac's family: his mother, Beatrice, his father, Nyle, and his brothers, Milo, Colin, and, of course, Enjolras. There was also a section of the wall that was made up of pictures of the regular customers and their favorite item to order.

Grantaire went behind the counter when he saw Aimee trying to man both the register and serve the customers their baked goods. There was at least fifteen customers in line, and to say the petite 22-year-old redhead looked overwhelmed was a gross understatement. Her eyes were wide and she was taking orders hurriedly, letting out small sounds of frustration when her flying fingers hit the wrong button. Grantaire nudged her with his hip towards the display case."I got the register. You serve."

Aimee nodded and did as she was asked, taking a deep breath before getting the first order situated. Grantaire watched her for a moment to make sure she was fine before turning to the elderly woman who was waiting for her order to be taken. He smiled warmly as he said, "Good morning, Mrs. Rovington. How are you doing today?"

The woman laughed and waved her hand. "How many times have I told you to call me Maudie, sweetie?"

Grantaire shook his head. "Sorry, Maudie." He typed in her order without having to ask what she wanted. The bakery had been open for three years, and Maudie came in at least three times a week. Every time she came she got the same thing: a chocolate raspberry tart, and a large hot chocolate with two shakes of cinnamon on top.

Grantaire turned to Aimee. "When you get Mrs. Rovington's order, will you grab the grey box from the fridge too, please?" He looked back at Maudie. "I made you a pistachio cream pie, to thank you for the spaghetti you brought us last Friday during our 24-hour fundraiser. It really helped get us all through the night."

“Oh, no need to thank me, Grantaire. You know how much I love helping my favorite boy.” Maudie gave Grantaire a toothless smile  and patted his cheek. She began to turn away so Grantaire could help the next customer before she stopped, beckoning him closer with her finger. When he leaned in, she pecked him on the cheek before patting his face again. "Tell that handsome man of yours to call me sometime," she said, winking. Grantaire chuckled before shooing her over to Aimee.

With the two working as a pair, it didn't take long at all before all the waiting customers had either taken seats at one of the many bakery tables, or had received their baked goods and left the store. Grantaire looked in the display case to see that it was nearly empty. He sent Aimee on a fifteen minute break before poking his head into the kitchen. "Hey, we are out of nearly everything," he informed the baking boys, who both gave him a look of annoyance.

"We are going as fast as we can," Jace snapped, letting out a muttered curse when he accidently burned his hand on the tray of apple-crumble muffins he was removing from the oven. He gave the other boy a sharp look when he chuckled.

"Chill, man, he's just giving us a heads up," Dennis commented, rolling his eyes at Jace. He turned to Grantaire. "There are chocolate tarts and glazed strawberry tarts in the oven, and we are just waiting for pretty much everything else to get cool enough for us to take them from the pan. Everything will be stocked up in no time."

Grantaire nodded. "Awesome. You guys are doing great. Really."

He shut the door to the kitchen and went back to the front counter. Right as he reached into the display case to grab a dark chocolate brownie to snack on, he heard the chime of the door, signaling that they had a customer. "Welcome to--" He trailed off as he realized it was just his co-owner, returning from deliveries.

Courfeyrac gave Grantaire a look of confusion before holding out his watch. "Have you not been paying attention to the time? My brother's play starts in forty-five minutes. You'd better get going if you want to be there on time."

Grantaire shrugged. “It’s been too busy here. It’ll be fine, it was going to be a surprise anyway, so that fact that I’m not there won’t bother Enjolras any.”

Courfeyrac shook his head. “No, Grantaire. You know how excited Enjolras has been about this play, and how proud he is of his students. It’ll mean a lot to him if you are there.” He reached out and turned Grantaire around, pushing him towards the door. “Besides, I was able to get a hold of Michael, Delia, and Tyler while I was doing my deliveries, and they all agreed to come in, in an hour or so. We’ll be fine.”

“All right. I will be going, then.” Grantaire smiled at Courfeyrac before reaching down to the keys in his pocket. He pulled them out and made his way towards his car, unlocking it as he grew nearer.

Grantaire had driven halfway to the school when he changed his mind. If he turned down the street to his left, he could get Enjolras his favorite flowers, from his favorite florist. He turned back around and went back to the bakery to grab a fresh blueberry muffin for the florist before going back on his way.

He walked into the flower shop seven minutes later, his eyes wandering around the bushes and bushes of flowers as he searched for one Mr. Anthony Malley. Anthony was an elderly man who ran the shop with his much-younger wife, Eleanor. He was rather thin with bulging chestnut eyes and salt-and-pepper hair, and was often referred to by the people in town as “looking like an old Steve Buscemi.”

Eventually, Grantaire gave up on his searching. “Anthony? Are you here?”

“Back here!” came a voice from behind a large bouquet of birds-of-paradise that was resting on the counter. A head darted out from over the top of the bouquet. When he saw that it was Grantaire, his eyes lit up, and his nearly-toothless mouth broke into a smile. “Ah, Mr. Herman! How wonderful to see you! Did those arrangements that I sent you for the bakery work for your space?”

Grantaire smiled back at him, nodding slightly. “Yes, sir. They worked very well.” He held up the paper bag containing the muffin. “I brought you a blueberry muffin.”

“Oh, those are my favorites!”

Grantaire chuckled. “I know.” He approached the counter, beginning to look around the store for the flowers that he so desired. “Anyway, I was hoping to buy twenty-nine Forget-me-nots for Enjolras’s students’ play today.” He paused for a moment before saying, “I think I would like some Tulips for Allie, as well.”

Anthony nodded, jotting down the order on a pad of paper before disappearing into the back room, appearing again a moment later with both bouquets in his arms. “Miss Alleandra likes the orange ones, right?”

Grantaire nodded. “Right.”

Anthony wrapped the bouquets and handed them to Grantaire. He added them up on his register before disappearing to the back room again. When he came back this time, he had a bouquet of dark purple Carnations. “On the house,” he said when Grantaire tried to hand him the cash for the purchases. Grantaire raised his eyebrows at him before trying again. Anthony shook his head and pushed Grantaire’s hand back. “No. My granddaughters, Elsa and Eloise, are in Enjolras’s class, and they’d love to get Carnations and Forget-me-nots. Make sure they get one of each, okay?”

Grantaire nodded. “Of course.” He gave him a smile and a slight wave before taking the bouquets and heading out of the store. He put them on the seat next to him, shifting them around on the seat until he was sure that nothing would happen to make the stunning flowers lose any of their beauty.

Content with the flowers’ placement, Grantaire smiled and nodded slightly before turning to face back forward. He reached over and flipped on the radio, his smiling growing when he realized that his favorite song was playing. _Could this day get any better?_ he wondered, bobbing his head in time with the beat.

Grantaire turned his car onto the road, bobbing his entire body as he got more and more into the song. He got so into the song, in fact, that he lost his focus driving, not realizing that he had a run a red light until a blaring horn broke him away from his intense singing. He glanced to his left to see a dark blue truck barreling towards him, a look of terror on the driver’s face.

Grantaire barely felt the agonizing pain before everything went black.

 

 

 

 

 

 

3

 

Grantaire had barely opened his eyes before he shut them tightly again, the pounding in his head becoming unbearable as the bright white light beat down on him. He groaned and pressed the heels of his hands against the lids. _Jesus, how much did I fucking drink last night?_  The most that he could remember was getting some smack and having mind-blowing sex with some broad. However, he couldn't remember touching a single drop of alcohol. He must have drunken way more than usual.

Grantaire counted silently to three before opening his eyes wide and sitting up, tuning in his senses to what was going on around him. He heard a beeping, and his nostrils were filled with a sterile, bleach-like odor. These things alone were enough to convince Grantaire that he was in a hospital. He had been stuck in one of these stupid places more than enough times when he had made some drunken mistake.

 He already knew that he could move his hands, but he pulled back the blankets anyway to make sure that his feet weren't handcuffed to the bed. He was relieved to see that they were free. _That_ was an experience that he hoped never to go through again. The movement hurt like hell, though. Everything was screaming, and a quick look under the paper gown showed a lot of bruising.

Laying back down, Grantaire heard voices echoing in from the hallway. He recognized  one, which belonged to one of his frat brothers and childhood friend,  Combeferrehew Leberge. He sounded worried as he told someone to call him as soon as they got whatever voicemail he was leaving them. Knowing Combeferre's psychopath of a girlfriend,  the message was probably to her.  He called out for the man,  hoping he could give him some idea of what had happened.

After a minute or so, a man _did_ walk in, but it clearly was not Combeferre. This man had the same pale-grey eyes and dark-brown hair, but he was wearing jeans and a navy polo, which was something Combeferre would never be caught dead in, unless he was at church. He was more of a basketball shorts and a tee shirt kind of man. Also, this man was wearing a wedding ring, and unless some _really_ fucked up shit went down last night, Combeferre wasn't married. That meant that this must be Rich, Combeferre's older brother. This wouldn't be the first time Grantaire  had gotten their voices confused. If Rich was here, though, what had happened to Combeferre?

Grantaire nodded at the man. “Hey, Rich, man, what’s up?”

Rich narrowed his eyes and shook his head. “Grantaire, it’s me. Combeferre. Don’t you remember me?”

Grantaire stared at the man for a minute before realizing not-Rich was right, it _was_ Combeferre. Rich didn’t have a scar across his cheek like Combeferre did. Grantaire shook his head, trying to clear the blurriness from his vision. “Dude, you like hell.” He squeezed his eyes together before opening them wide, his eyes falling back to the ring on Combeferre’s left ring finger. “What did we do last night that ended up with you having that, man? I didn’t realize that we got fucked up enough for you to get _married._ ”

Combeferre’s look of confusion grew stronger. He walked towards the bed and put his hands on the railing. “R, what do you think happened last night?”

“Fuck if I know. I’ve been trying to figure out how I ended up here, but I have no idea. Last I remember, I picked up dear old Aunt Nora, then you, and we met up with those banging Asian twins.”

Combeferre’s eyes widened. “Wha—Grantaire, what month and year is this?”

Grantaire shrugs. “Sometime in April 2005? Dude I don’t fucking know, the last few weeks have really been a blur.”

Combeferre’s eyes widened even further. The sight made Grantaire chuckle. Combeferre had always looked like he belonged in a cartoon, with his massive, over-sized nose and his line-like lips, but with his eyes like that, it was even better. Grantaire really wished that he had his camera because he’d love to show everyone at the frat house just how crazy he looked. “I need to call Enjolras again and see if he got my voicemail,” Combeferre said, pulling his phone out of his back pocket and heading towards the door.

Grantaire called after him, the realization that they only knew one Enjolras not slipping past him. “Our R.A., Enjolras? That scrawny nark who never goes anywhere without a book and a stick up his ass?”

Combeferre paused before stepping out into the hall and turned around. “Yes.”

“What the fuck are you calling him for?”

Combeferre sighed before coming back over to the bed, pulling out the plastic white chair from the wall and sitting down. “Do you really not remember any of this?”

Grantaire had to resist letting out a groan at his friend’s version of beating around the bush. “Any of what? You aren’t making any sense. You _must_ be higher than me.”

“I’m not high, Grantaire. Neither are you.” He paused for a moment before shaking his head. “Well, you might be, on pain medicine, but not on cocaine. Anyway . . . R, we are in October, not April. Plus, it is 2014.”

Grantaire snorted. “Yeah, not high, my ass. It is definitely 200―” he trailed off as he saw the hospital board across the room. That, too, said that it was October 19, 2014. He stared at it for a moment before turning to look back at Combeferre. “Let me see your phone. I want to see the date.”

Combeferre nodded, handing him the device. Grantaire stared at it for a moment, not entirely sure what the hell he was holding. It definitely wasn’t like any phone that he had ever seen before. Where were any of the keys? Why didn’t it flip open? “You need to return this phone, man. It’s missing all the keys.”

Combeferre shook his head. “No it isn’t.” He took his phone back and pulled up a website that showed the current time and date. He turned it back towards Grantaire. “There, see?”

Grantaire read it through narrowed eyes before muttering, “I must be tripping way harder than I thought I would on this shit.”

Combeferre stared at him for a moment before hitting the “call nurse” button on the side of the bed. He pushed himself out of the chair and into a standing position before saying, “I’m going to call Enjolras again.”

It was less than a minute after Combeferre had left the room that that the nurse came in. “Hello, darling. How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine. You might want to check out my friend, though, He’s gone bat-shit crazy and thinks that it is 2014.”

The nurse dropped Grantaire’s chart. She looked at him sharply before muttering that she would be right back.

Combeferre walked back into the room at the same time that the nurse was walking back. He looked at her before going back to the white chair. He sat down next to Grantaire, still slowly shaking his head in disbelief. “You really don’t know why I called Enjolras?”

“Would I be so God-damned confused if I knew?” He smirked. “I hate him, and he hates me. There is no reason on the face on the Earth for him to be here.”

Combeferre shook his head. “No, R. That’s how things are anymore. You and Enjolras are married. Have been for six years.”

Man, Combeferre had always sucked at jokes, but this was lame, even for him. The whole idea was so asinine, though, that Grantaire couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “Dude, I’m straight.”

Grantaire’s laugh was cut off by the knowing look that Combeferre gave him. He rolled his eyes. “Alright, _fine,_ I like having sex with dudes, but I would never marry one. Besides, even if I _did_ want guys like that, I’d never be interested in that pussy even if he was the last sexual being on Earth. Anyway—”

Grantaire was cut off by a knocking on the doorframe. He looked over to see a dark-skinned man with long, shoulder-length curly black hair and electric blue eyes staring back, a look of both pain and horror flashing across his eyes.

 

***

 

Enjolras stood alongside all of the parents and applauded his students, smiling broadly as the leads stepped forward and took a bow. He didn’t know if he had ever been as proud of his students as he was in that moment. They had worked so hard to put everything together, from helping with costumes and the set, to memorizing all of their lines. Sure, there were times that Enjolras was proud of individual students, but as a whole? No, this would have to be that moment.

As soon as the applause stopped and parents started filing towards the front of the room, Enjolras rushed to gather all of his students together. He didn’t want to have to deal with the repercussions of a student’s parent deciding to take him or her home early. At least, not without a written note. There had been issues in years past with teachers not knowing what had happened to some of their students after events such as these, and the results were never pretty. Enjolras would be better off just making sure that he had all his ducks in a row.

He cut through the swarm of adults, making sure to stand on the “stage” so that his students would be sure he see him. He made a duck call, a noise that he had perfected his first year of teaching as a way to get his students’ attention. They all gave their parents hugs and kisses before running up to Enjolras, grins on their faces as they asked him what he thought. “You guys did amazing!” Enjolras gushed, gesturing with his hands where individual children needed to go until they were perfectly in a line. “You did so well, in fact, that I have decided that we aren’t going to worry about lessons for the rest of the day, and just watch a movie.”

“Yay!” the children exclaimed, beginning to bounce with excitement. Enjolras chuckled. He remembered being their age and feeling exactly the same as they did. Any opportunity to skip lessons was well worth it.

 “We are going to have to try and stay quiet, though, because Mrs. McKee and Mr. Brenning are continuing their day like normal. If you get too loud, I will have to turn the movie off, and we’ll have silent reading time until the dismissal bell rings.” He led the students back into their section of the pod, ushering them to the rug in the front of the room. “Think you can do that?”

When the students nodded, Enjolras walked over to his projector and woke up his laptop, quickly going to his saved movies and pulling up an old movie that he thought they that might like: _The Road to El Dorado._ He figured that none of these kids had likely ever seen the movie, but it was one of his long-standing favorites, and he figured it would be worth a shot.

Once the movie was set up, he made his way back to his desk. Sure, he had papers to grade, but this was one of his favorite movies! He sat down in his chair and leaned back, swinging his legs up until his feet were resting on the wood. He glanced over at his phone to see that the top corner of the screen was blinking at him in bright purple, a flash that meant that he had a new voicemail. He clicked on his phone, surprised to see that he had a missed call from Combeferre, one of Grantaire’s oldest friends. He cleared the queue before pulling down the information bar and clicking on his voicemail box.

Enjolras had barely made it through the message when his phone clattered to the desk.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4

 

Enjolras moved behind the filing cabinets and walked into the next classroom over where his childhood friend and fellow teacher, Katie McKee, had just started a lesson on multiplication. He walked over to the desk and tapped the shoulder of the student teacher sitting there. Cosette turned around, her chestnut curls swinging over her shoulder as she startled. Enjolras smiled apologetically for scaring her before whispering, "Can you watch my class for a few minutes while I go down to the office and get the permanent sub to come down?"

"Is everything okay?"           

"A family thing just came up, and I need to get home." He put a hand on her shoulder before gesturing with his head towards Katie so she knew where Cosette was. He went back into his classroom, Cosette right behind him. She sat down at his desk while Enjolras headed towards the office.

Enjolras knocked on the doorframe to get the secretary's attention. She was a heavy-set woman with short, spiky blonde hair. She was wearing a bright red pantsuit, and had a light blue ribbon in her hair as a make-shift headband. "Good morning, Enjolras. Did you need something?"

"Morning to you too, Kathryn." He sat down in one of the hard plastic chairs by the windows looking out into the cafeteria. "I need the permanent sub for today and possibly the rest of the week."

Kathryn nodded and typed a few things into her computer. After a moment, she shook her head. "Josh is in one of the fifth grade classrooms today."

Enjolras bit his lip. Someone had to watch his class. He stared at the ground for a moment before an idea popped into his head. Cosette was a certified sub, wasn't she? "Could Katie McKee's student teacher sub for me then?"

Kathryn hit a few more buttons before nodding. "That would be fine." She entered the information into the system. "There. Miss Carmody will be in your room the rest of the day, and Josh is on hold for you tomorrow through Friday."

"Thank you." Enjolras gave Kathryn a tight-lipped smile before walking back down to the pod. He walked passed his classroom and stood next to the filing cabinets, waiting impatiently for Katie to finish the point she was making before beckoning her over.

"All right, you guys, do numbers twelve through twenty-five in the workbook, please," she told her class before coming over to Enjolras. When she saw the strained look on his face, she frowned. "What's wrong?"

Enjolras took a deep breath before answering. "Grantaire was in a car accident. I don't know anything else, other than he is in the hospital. I need Cosette to sub for me the rest of the day, if that’s okay with you."

Katie nodded. "Of course it is. I was going to have her teach science this afternoon, but I can do it." She pulled Enjolras into a hug. "I hope Grantaire feels better."

"Thanks, Kate." Enjolras pulled out of the hug. "Well, I better tell Cosette and I'll get going." He reached out and squeezed Katie's shoulder before going back into his own classroom, stopping to stand next to Cosette. "Do you mind subbing for me the rest of the day? Katie already said that it was fine with her."

"Yeah, that’s fine. Is there anything specific you want me to do with them when the movie is over?"

Enjolras shook his head. "The movie should run to the bell, but if it doesn't, the book that I have been reading to them is in the top drawer of my desk. I normally have them summarize what we last read before moving on." He grabbed his jacket and his messenger bag. "Thanks again, Cosette."

Enjolras told his students goodbye before heading out. He walked to his car as quickly as he could, the urge to break out into a full sprint nearly overwhelming. It felt like ages before he reached the vehicle, but in reality, it was only a mere three minutes. He threw his bag on the passenger seat and tugged on his seatbelt. He pulled onto the road and began to drive, his eyes darting around nervously for cops as he raced passed the speed limits.

Enjolras's stomach bubbled the closer that he got to the hospital. He had no idea what could be wrong with Grantaire. He prayed it was just a minor injury, but the worry in Combeferre's voice made him fear otherwise. Enjolras had seen enough PSAs about car accidents to know some of the possibilities. He began to chew on his thumbnail, biting harder and harder until, finally, his teeth went straight though the thin carbon right as he pulled into a spot.

Enjolras ripped out his keys and ran to the doors of the main hospital. He slid to a stop at the front desk. "My husband was in a car accident this morning and brought here. His name is Grantaire Herman."

The young woman sitting there leaned over towards her computer. She clicked a few buttons before nodding and turning back towards Enjolras. "It looks like your husband didn't suffer any major injuries to his body, so you can go on in and see him. I must warn you, though, he may not be conscious yet." She gave him a gentle smile. "He is in room 5502, sir."

"Thank you." Enjolras looked around for the elevators, spotting them in the far corner of the room. He made his way over to them, his breathing growing shallow and his heart racing as he hit the button for the fifth floor.

Enjolras was able to hear Combeferre and Grantaire's raised voices from down the hall before he had even officially stepped off the elevator. The knot in Enjolras's stomach began to loosen, and he let out the breath he had been holding. Grantaire was awake, and he could speak. He would be okay.

Enjolras quickened his step, a smile spreading across his face as Grantaire's voice got clearer and clearer. When he reached the door, however, his smile dropped and he froze in his tracks, as he heard Grantaire say, "Dude, I’m straight. A blowjob is a blowjob. I wouldn't be interested in that pussy if he was the last sexual being on earth." Was Grantaire talking about him? But . . . why?

He bit down hard on his lip before knocking on the door frame, his stomach quenching when he saw Grantaire's broken appearance. His head was bandaged and, while there didn’t appear to be any blood on the white, it still made Enjolras’s heart ache to see. There were also stitches over Grantaire’s left eye, and his bottom lip was badly swollen and dark purple from where he must have bitten it during the crash.

Grantaire and Combeferre looked over at the sound of the knocks. Combeferre had a look of relief in his eyes at seeing Enjolras, while Grantaire’s eyes narrowed and filled with hate. Enjolras swallowed thickly before looking at Combeferre pleadingly, gesturing with his head towards the hallway.

He turned around and stepped out the door, staring down at the ground until he saw Combeferre’s dark blue Chucks. “Why did Grantaire say that?” he asked, his voice quiet and shaky as he turned his eyes up.

Combeferre pursed his lips before letting out a heavy breath through his nose. “Enjolras, I’m so sorry. His memory loss is a lot worse than the doctor thought.” He scratched his ear, looking away from Enjolras as he finished his statement. “Enjolras, he thinks that it’s 2005.”

Enjolras’s breath escaped in a hiss as he realized _just_ what that meant. To say that Grantaire and he had had a . . . well, _unfriendly_ relationship that year (and the year before that . . . and the year after that) would be a complete understatement. In fact, it would be much more apt to say that Grantaire hated Enjolras with every fiber of his being. Enjolras had always found Grantaire intriguing, but he just got so damn nervous around the man that he always managed to completely mess everything up anytime he tried for his attention. He looked down at the ground, his heart feeling as though it had ceased to beat. “Oh.” He cleared his throat before looking up. “What month?”

“April. The . . . the week after you turned us in to the Dean of Students.”

Enjolras’s eyes widened. “Fuck. So basically, he hates me.” He let out a hefty sigh before spinning on his heel, determined to see if his presence could potentially change the way the man looked at him. He sat down in the chair next to the bed and tried to reach out, biting down on his lip harder when Grantaire yanked his hand back and tilted his body as far away from Enjolras as he could without falling off the bed. “Baby, please, you have to remember us.”

Grantaire gave him a look of disgust, his eyes hardening even more than they already had. “I’m not your ‘baby,’ fag.”

Enjolras swallowed past the insult. “R, please. It’s 2014, not 2005. We’ve most past all the shit with the drugs, all right? We’re happy together, we have a family. Please.”

Grantaire scoffed. “Why the fuck would I ever want anyone like you? Even if I was into dudes, why would I ever spend a voluntary moment with the likes of you? I’d rather fuck my great-Aunt Wanda’s third husband’s armadillo than be stuck with you. I barely even tolerate you, you fucking queer.”

Enjolras tried to reach out and grab his hand again. “Please, Grantaire, don’t do this, I love y—”

Well, Enjolras couldn’t say that he didn’t expect the slap that he got across the face at least a little, but it still stung. However, nothing could have hurt worse than the nurse rushing in and telling Enjolras that he wasn’t welcome in her patient’s room any longer. He tried to protest, but when she started to call for security, he sighed and straightened his back, tears pressing against his eyes.

_This can’t be it, it can’t be. There has to be some way for Grantaire to get his memories back, for him to come home. There just has to be._

Enjolras stepped out into the hallway and looked both directions, desperate to find _anyone_ who could help Grantaire get his memories back. There was a doctor walking down the hallway, the florescent lights bounce off his shiny brown head. Enjolras rushed over to him, his eyes wide and pleading. "Please tell me that his memories will come back and he will be okay,” Enjolras said, grabbing the doctor by the arm and pointing towards Grantaire's room.

The doctor cast his eyes towards the room before looking back to Enjolras. "What's your name and relation to the patient, son?"

"Enjolras Herman. He's my husband."

The man nodded and gestured with his head towards the nurses' station. Enjolras followed him, wringing his fingers anxiously as the doctor pulled out the stack of clipboards, flipping through them until he found Grantaire's file. Once he had seen that, indeed, Enjolras was listed as next of kin, he set the papers back down and turned back to Enjolras, the apologetic look in his eyes making Enjolras tremble. "Mr. Herman, in cases like this, it’s impossible to know just how bad the injury to the brain is until the patient wakes up. Clearly, there is more wrong than we originally thought, and, unfortunately, there has not been enough discovered about amnesia for us to give you a straight answer one way or another."

He shook his head. "Your husband is very lucky that he isn't in worse shape. If he had gotten hit more directly, as opposed to the aftershock of the back door taking the most impact, we would be having a very different conversation." He sighed. "Listen, son, in most cases, I recommend that the family of the patient to immerse them back in their daily life, to try and bring back the memories. With an outburst like that, though, I am not so sure that that is the route that you should take, at least at first. Give Mr. Herman a few weeks or so to heal up before you try to get him to remember you."

Enjolras let out a pained whimper before nodding. "I will do anything to make sure that he is okay." When the doctor began to walk away, Enjolras reached out and grabbed his arm. "Do you think they will come back? His memories, I mean."

"All we can do is hope, son. It could take months, or even years, and that’s only if they ever do come back." He shook his arm from Enjolras's grasp and began to step away. "Listen, I have other patients . . .."

Enjolras immediately let go of his arm. "Right, of course. Sorry." He gave the doctor a tight smile before turning back towards the room. Before he had even reached the door, though, he had changed his mind.

 _I have to get out of here,_ Enjolras shook his head, training his eyes strictly on the ground. He couldn't look back into that room and see the looks of hatred that Grantaire was sending towards the door. How could this have happened? Just this morning,  everything had been fine. How could things have done a complete 180 so damn quickly?

By the time Enjolras got to his car, this uncertainty had turned to anger. He had done nothing to deserve this. He had been nothing but loyal and loving to Grantaire since they had become friends so long ago. They were married, they had two kids, they were expecting their third . . . how could this happen?

"Fuck!" Enjolras yelled, slamming his hand against the steering wheel. "God fucking dammit!" He hit the wheel again, letting out a growl as his palm hit the horn, causing it to echo around the concrete walls of the parking garage. His blood boiled hotter and hotter the more he abused the rubber, until, finally, he was out of energy, the tears leaking out of his eyes in quiet streams. He reached a hand up and rubbed the tears away before reaching down into his pocket and pulling out his phone.

Enjolras stared at his lock screen for a moment before sighing. He had always loved that picture. It was of Grantaire and Jack, on the day that Jack had been officially adopted when he was seven months old. He tore his eyes away from Grantaire's eyes, quickly typing in the lock code. Once he was into the phone, he went to his contacts until he found the number for Grantaire's mother.

After several minutes, Lyla, Grantaire's mother, answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey, ma. It's Enjolras. We need to talk."

 

 

 

 

5

Enjolras held Jack tightly as he walked into the house. He glanced back to make sure that Allie was still behind him before taking Jack up to his room. “Hey, buddy, I need you to play up here for a little bit while I go and talk to Allie, all right?” Jack nodded. Enjolras smiled at him. “That’s a good boy.” He kissed him on the head and set him on the bed before turning around and heading back downstairs.

When Enjolras walked into the kitchen, Allie had dropped her backpack by the door, and she was rifling through the fridge, searching for a snack. Enjolras sat down on one of the stools and put his hands on the table.  "Hey, Allie?"

"Yeah?"

Enjolras sighed.  Allie hadn't even turned around to answer him. "Allie, stop looking for a moment and come here. I need to talk to you about something important."

Allie pulled her head out of the fridge and turned to Enjolras, rolling her eyes as she did so. She sat down on the adjacent stool and swung her legs, letting out a breath in an annoyed huff. Enjolras felt his temper flare. He really didn't need this; not right now. "Alleandra McKenzie, drop the attitude. I have had a horrible day as it is and I would appreciate a little bit of cooperation here."

Allie sighed and rolled her eyes again before leaning her elbow onto the counter. "Okay, sorry."

Enjolras ground his teeth and closed his eyes, breathing deeply and counting until he felt like he could talk about the accident. He took a deep breath before beginning. "Allie, Papa got into a car accident today, and he isn't going to be coming home for a while. He hit his head pretty badly, and currently he's in the hospital. He―"

Enjolras stopped short when he realized that Allie had jumped off the stool and was heading to the door, a look of determination on her face. "Allie, what are you doing?" he asked, standing up as well and walking to Allie. He grabbed her shoulder and turned her around as she tried to pull the door open. "Allie, stop."

"No!" Allie wretched her shoulder out of Enjolras's grasp, going for the door again. "I have to go see him!"

"No, sweetheart." Enjolras pulled Allie back again, this time trapping her in a hug so she would stop trying to leave. Allie fought against him, pushing against his chest with her closed fists and twisting her back to get out of his arms. Enjolras just tightened his grip. Eventually, Allie gave up and collapsed against her father. Enjolras kissed the top of her head before he continued with what he was saying before Allie got up. "Sweetheart, he―"

His voice trailed off, his vocal chords freezing. He knew that she had to know, though, no Matter how hard it was. He tried again, his voice tight and broken. "He doesn't remember us. He thinks that it is 2005, before him and me were ever even friends."

He looked at Allie to see that she was staring off, her eyes glossy and unresponsive. Enjolras began to worry even more. When Allie got like this, it was nearly impossible to snap her out of it. The last time he had seen her like this was when her birth-mother came to visit when Allie was ten, and told her that not aborting her was the worst mistake of her life. Allie was unresponsive for nearly a week after that. Hopefully this only lasted a few hours, at most. Enjolras needed her. "Baby, are you okay?"

Allie didn’t answer. She stood up and walked out of the room, not looking back at Enjolras as she stomped to her room and slammed the door. Enjolras flinched at the noise before collapsing onto the ground. He pulled his legs up to his chest and rubbed at his eyes before dropping his hand over his mouth.

Enjolras sat like this for several minutes before standing and going over to the counter, grabbing his phone. He unlocked the screen and looked at his recent calls until he was able to find Courfeyrac. He needed to know that Grantaire wasn’t going to be coming into work anytime soon.

Courfeyrac answered on the third ring. “Hey, Enjolras. Did you like Grantaire’s surprise?”

Enjolras’s brow furrowed. “What surprise?”

“To come and watch your students’ show?”

Enjolras’s breath caught in his throat. The accident . . .was because of him? “Courfeyrac, there was an accident. Grantaire is going to be out of work for a while.” He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned his elbows back on the counter, putting his hand back over his eyes as he tried his hardest to keep himself from hyperventilating.

“What?! What happened? I saw Grantaire just this morning!”

Enjolras slowed his breathing down before answering. “Sometime this morning, Grantaire was involved in a car crash, and he hit his head pretty badly.” He swallowed, the dryness in his throat making it difficult for him to speak. “Courfeyrac, he doesn’t remember me, or the kids, or his job. He doesn’t remember anything since 2005.”

“I’m so sorry, Enjolras. I will help in any way that I can.”

“Thank you.” Enjolras dropped his head down to the table, crossing his arms on the marble as cushion. “The doctor wants me to limit any contact with Grantaire for a while. I don’t think that he’ll be able to help out at the bakery for a while.”

“That’s fine. Grantaire and I have been planning on making Aimee our assistant manager for a couple weeks, so I will go ahead and promote her. I’ll bring up one of the other employees to take her place. It’ll all be okay.”

When several minutes passed before Enjolras said anything, Courfeyrac said, “Enjolras? Are you there?” Enjolras found himself still unable to speak. He made a noncommittal noise, though, which was apparently enough to alert Courfeyrac of his presence. “I need to go and talk to Aimee before she clocks out, but I will call you in a few days and see how everything is going.”

Enjolras pulled the phone away from his ear and ended the call, staring down blankly at the screen for a moment before going to his call list once again. He didn’t want Grantaire to feel like he was alone in all of this, or like he had no idea what he was supposed to do with his time. No, a different, less-intense job was exactly what he needed. Enjolras dialed another one of his brothers, Colin, in hopes of him having a job opening at the store he was the head manager of.

Luckily, Colin had an open space on his replenishment team, and he gladly hired Grantaire for the job. Once they got off the phone, Enjolras texted Lyla with the news before setting his phone down.

Enjolras’s heart was heavy. He didn’t know how he was going to watch his kids tonight. Yes, they came first, but Enjolras just didn’t know if he could do it. He needed some time to think things through, to decide where he was going to go from here. He needed time to process this on his own.

Enjolras stared down at his phone for a moment before clicking it back on and opening his text messages. He went to the conversation with his mother, knowing exactly what needed to happen in order him to have that alone-time. _I’ll explain later, but I need you to watch the kids tonight. I’ll be over in a half hour, as long as that’s fine. Text me back. –Enjolras._ He slid his phone into his pocket and went down the hall to Allie’s room. He placed his hand flat against the closed door before taking a deep breath and knocking.

When no response came, Enjolras decided to just go ahead and open the door. Allie was sitting on her bed, her eyes still glazed over and her expression blank. Enjolras walked over and sat on the bed next to her. He leaned over and kissed her on the head. She looked up at him before turning back to the wall. _At least she is responding to me,_ Enjolras thought, thankful that Allie wasn’t as far into her trance as she had been the last time.

Enjolras squeezed Allie’s shoulder. “Sweetheart, I am going to take you and Jack to Ni-Ni and Poppy’s house for the night. Is that all right with you?” Allie shrugged. Enjolras pushed himself off the bed before sitting back down, reaching over and tapping Allie on the cheek so she would look at him. “Allie, I need you to promise me that you won’t tell Jack about what happened to Papa. I don’t want to scare him. I’ll tell him that Papa won’t be home for a while, but I don’t want him to know why.”

Allie forced her head free and looked back to the wall. “Tell Jack what? Nothing happened. Papa’s fine.”

Enjolras sighed, unsure of what to say. He didn’t want to let Allie keep on with her denial, but he also didn’t want to remind her any more than he had to. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Can you pack while I’m upstairs?”

He squeezed Allie’s knee before standing again and going upstairs, where Jack was sitting on the floor of his room, acting out a scene with the plastic dinosaurs that his Aunt Colleen had gotten him for Christmas the year earlier. He looked up when he heard Enjolras’s footsteps, his face lighting up. “Daddy!”

Enjolras gave Jack a tight smile. “Hey, buddy. Are you playing nicely?”

Jack nodded enthusiastically, holding up a long-necked dinosaur that was beginning to lose the pain on its neck. “Rexy eated him, Daddy!” He picked up the T-Rex and showed it to Enjolras too before slamming its face against the other dinosaur’s neck, laughing. “Necky all gone!”

Enjolras chuckled drying, shaking his head. He _really_ needed to stop showing Jack those old-fashioned dinosaur movies. He crouched down in front of the boy. “Can you help me pack a bag for Ni-Ni and Poppy’s house for tonight?”

Jack’s face lit up again. “Ni-Ni and Poppy’s house! Play there?” When Enjolras nodded, he pushed himself up off the floor and ran over to his toy chest. He reached in and picked up an armful of toys before running back over to Enjolras and dropping them at his feet. “I wanna bring these!”

“We’ll bring some of your toys, but Ni-Ni and Poppy have some there for you too, remember? We don’t need to bring all of ours.” Enjolras leaned down and picked Jack up. He snuggled into Enjolras’s neck, letting out a contented sound when Enjolras started rubbing his back affectionately. “Hey, Jack Jack?”

“Yes, Daddy?”

“You know how when Papa is in the den on his computer, you can’t go in and bother him because he’s working? Well, he’s going to be busy at his big office at the bakery for a few weeks, so he won’t be able to come home and play with you and Allie.”

Jack lifted his head off Enjolras’s shoulder and pouted. “But I wan’ Papa to play with me and sissy.”

Enjolras lowered Jack’s head back to his shoulder, keeping a hand on the back of his neck. “I know, buddy. Papa will be home as soon as he finishes working.”

Jack wiggled around in Enjolras’s arms until he was able to slither to the floor. Enjolras watched sadly as he ran over to the pile of stuffed animals next to his bed, grabbing a stuffed turtle that was standing on its last leg. He hugged it to his chest for a moment before running back up to Enjolras and holding it up. “Tally wanna help Papa.” 

Enjolras bit down hard on his lip to stop from crying at the sincerity and love in his son’s voice. “Okay, baby, I will make sure to take him to Papa’s office after I drop you and Allie off.” He swallowed around the lump in his throat, his throat and eyes burning as he shoved Jack’s pajamas and other nighttime necessities into a light blue duffel bag.

Enjolras was running on automatic, and before he knew it, he was driving down his parents street, the food for his children sitting on Allie’s lap. The closer that he got, though, the more he realized he had acted in haste and had never checked to see if his mom had texted him back. He glanced down at the phone to see that the screen was blank. Normally, taking the kids over to his parents' house wasn't a problem. Nyle, Enjolras's father, was an artist who worked from home. Today, however, he was across the country, showcasing some of his newest work in some gallery.

Fortunately, Beatrice's van was in the driveway. Enjolras let out a sigh of relief before pulling in front of the house. He got out of the car and picked Jack up, thankful that Allie had come out of her mood enough to operate on her own. They walked through the garage into the house to see Beatrice standing in an apron, rolling out dough for her famous peanut butter cookies.

While Enjolras was a dark-tan, his mother was as pale as snow with white-blonde hair to match. She wasn't very tall, either. In all actuality, the only physical trait she shared with her son was her striking blue eyes. Her features were delicate and small, while Enjolras took more after his father's strong jaw and sharp cheekbones.

She looked up when she heard the door open. When she saw who it was, she dropped her rolling pin before coming over and giving her grandkids a hug. "Hello, sweet things," she said, crouching down. Jack hugged her back enthusiastically, but Allie stood stiff.

Enjolras watched for a moment before clearing his throat. "Allie, can you take Jack to the dining room to eat please so Ni-Ni and I can talk?"

Allie nodded and took Jack's hand. As soon as they were out of the room,  Enjolras pulled his mother into a hug. He let out a deep breath and leaned his head on her shoulder. 

"Sweetheart, what is it?"

Enjolras answered in a breathy whisper. "Grantaire's gone, Ma."

Beatrice pulled out of the hug, her eyes narrowing in confusion. "What do you mean, he's gone?" She reached out and grabbed Enjolras's chin, tilting his head up and making him look into her eyes. "That man loves you, Enjolras. He wouldn't just leave you."

"No, Ma." Enjolras shook his head, his eyes wide and pleading as he begged Beatrice to understand. "There was a car accident, and Grantaire hit his head pretty badly. He doesn't remember being with me, or the kids, or anything in the last nine years. He thinks it’s 2005, and that we are still in college."

Beatrice let out a shaky breath. "I remember those days. You'd call me almost every weekend to complain about all the paperwork you had to do whenever Grantaire and that friend of his, Michael or Manuel or Combeferrehew or something like that, brought contraband into the dorm."

Enjolras let out a broke snort before nodding. "Yeah, I remember." He let out another uncomfortable laugh, tears beginning to burn at the backs of his eyes. "He told me that he can barely tolerate me, Ma. I went to see him at the hospital the moment I got the news, and when I said I was his husband he said he'd never be married to a 'fucking queer' like me."

God, talking about it hurt so much more than it should. Knowing that Grantaire wasn't in his right mind didn’t help any. It didn't Matter that Grantaire didn't know any better, or that he thought he was still in college. Coming from his mouth, it still hurt.

Enjolras looked away, trying to hide his pain from his mother. She, of course, could tell how he felt without ever needing to look at him. She pulled him back into a hug. "Do you want me to keep the kids for a few days? Give you some time to figure things out?"

Enjolras shook his head. "No. I need them around as much as possible. I just . . . I just need to be alone tonight, to be able to deal with this any way that I want."

Beatrice nodded. "All right. Well, my offer still stands. If you change your mind, you know that you can always call me in the morning."

"I know, Ma. I'm going to go and tell the kids goodbye and I will be on my way."

"All right, dear."

Enjolras went and kissed his children before going back home. Once he got home, he grabbed a bottle of whiskey and drank until he passed out in Grantaire and his bed, soaking the pillow with his tears.

 

 

 

6

 

Three hours after Combeferre left, Grantaire didn't think it was possible to be any more bored than he already was. He had already flipped through the entertainment magazines on the bedside table, read through all the health brochures, and clicked through the same twenty cable channels at least a dozen times. He was still convinced that this all was an elaborate prank. There was no way that it could be 2014. What could have happened to make him forget so much time? Sure, the doctor had explained before removing his bandages that he hit his head in a crash and had developed amnesia, but that type of shit only happened in movies. There's no way he would forget so much of his life in a single second.

It was then that Grantaire noticed the wedding band sitting atop the pile of his things that one of the nurses had brought him an hour or so earlier. He considered taking a closer look, but decided that that was a path that he definitely did _not_ want to go down. Looking in the mirror, though, seemed far less daunting of a task. He sat up as much as he could stand, straining his neck until he could see into the mirror across from the bed.

Jesus. _I guess they were right,_ Grantaire realized,  staring at his reflection as he poked the tip of his slightly-crooked nose, seeing if the mirror and the movement matched. He took notice of the lines that had gathered along the corners of his eyes, and how his cheeks had become far more chiseled. However, he didn't look as sickly as he normally did. Perhaps he had gotten clean, or maybe someone (or something) had made him give it up. And if that was the case, maybe he had been too hard on Enjolras. The dude really had been a jerk to him, though, and he couldn't help it that the last encounter he remembered, Enjolras had turned him in and gotten him on academic probation for drug usage and drinking.

_Grantaire grabbed the whiskey bottle off the counter at the biggest off-campus Delta Chi  house. He poured some into a glass, filling it up halfway before dropping in a few cubes of ice. This was his fourth glass (the first without chasers), but he was barely feeling buzzed, unlike most of the already shit-faced partygoers._

_Grantaire turned around when he felt a tap on his shoulder. It was Marco, a muscular Latino with a shaved head and dozens of tattoos. Grantaire had been getting smack from him for about a year. Marco typically gave him a gram at a low cost or, on nights when he needed some attention, he gave it to Grantaire for free._

_It appeared that tonight was one of those nights. "A service for a service?" he asked saucily, his eyes scanning the length of Grantaire's body. Grantaire thought about it. On the one hand, he was running low, and going down on Marco was kind of fun. On the other hand, his knees were still fucking sore from the cash-paying client the night before._

_However, a gram was a gram. "Sure." He winked at Marco before grabbing his glass and leaving the kitchen and going to the upstairs bathroom. Its peeling paint and leaking pipes tended to cause partygoers to stay away from it, making it the perfect spot for something like this._

_Grantaire set his drink down on the back of the toilet before grabbing Marco's shirt collar and pushing him against the wall, kissing him roughly. He moved his knee in between his legs and thrust it up, rubbing his thigh against the crotch of Marco's jeans as the man began to get hard. Marco reached up and yanked Grantaire out of the kiss, pushing him down to his knees._

_Grantaire unzipped Marco's jeans, the man's lack of underwear making his cock immediately spring free. He spat on his hand and began to jerk him off, darting his tongue out to lap at the tip. He did this until Marco was as hard as a rock, and begging for Grantaire to swallow him down._

_It didn't take long after that for Grantaire to drive Marco over the edge. Grantaire rose to his feet and held out his hand, impatiently waiting for his payment so he could take care of himself. He may be straight, but he couldn't deny the fact that going down on Marco turned him on something mad._

_Marco pulled the baggie out of his pocket and handed it to Grantaire. "There is enough for three hits in there," he said, smirking when his eyes caught sight of how tented Grantaire's jeans were. He reached down at grabbed Grantaire's crotch, winking when Grantaire moaned. "Have fun taking care of that, cowboy." He winked again before leaving the room, closing the door tightly behind him. Grantaire grabbed the lotion and went to work._

_Ten minutes later, Grantaire, too, was stepping into the hallway, his slightly watered-down whiskey in hand. He looked next to the door to see Enjolras leaning against the wall, his legs crossed tightly and his hand in his pocket as he narrowed his eyes in annoyance. Grantaire glanced down at the obvious bulge in Enjolras's jeans and snorted. "I see_ someone _is impatient for my services. Did you enjoy listening to another happy customer?"_

_Enjolras's eyes narrowed further. "Not everyone comes up here for you to suck their cock, you know." He looked at the cup of whiskey before looking back at Grantaire. "I could report you for that."_

_"Only if you catch me drunk on campus, sweetheart."_

The bastard had kept an eye on Grantaire the rest of the night and, the moment Grantaire had stepped foot on the campus, Enjolras reported him. More recently, however, Enjolras had taken to doing "random checks" of all the rooms whenever Combeferre and Grantaire were both in their room. He had caught them drinking, had caught them smoking pot and, on a night when Combeferre _wasn’t_ home, caught Grantaire watching porn and beating his meat. _That_ had been hilarious, watching Enjolras's tan skin grow dark as he spluttered and hurried to shut the door.

Grantaire threw a pillow as his irritation grew the more he thought about Enjolras. “Hey!” someone exclaimed, a loud _whack_ echoing around the room as the pillow crashed into their face. Grantaire looked over in alarm to see his mother staring at him, her eyes narrowed and her arms crossed.

Grantaire looked down at the bed sheepishly. “Sorry, ma.” He looked up when she stepped fully into the room to see that she was much thinner than the last time that he saw her, and that her auburn hair had grown longer. She must really have been working out since he left for school in the fall.

However, as Grantaire’s father hobbled into the room, the reality of the situation dawned on Grantaire. The anger and irritation at Enjolras dissolved into pure fear and doubt as he realized that he really _had_ lost what appeared to be at least a year’s worth of memories. His father, Thomas, was most definitely not the man that he remembered coming down to visit a mere two weeks ago to discuss Grantaire’s academic probation. His light-grey eyes didn’t have their normal spark of life. Instead, they were dull and bulging deep in their sockets, and his lush blond hair was hanging in limp strands against his head.

Grantaire didn’t have any more time to study his father, as he was pulled into a tight hug by his mother. “Oh, baby, I am so glad that you are all right. I was so worried when Enjolras called me and told me that you couldn’t remember anything, but I promised him that I’d take good care of you. You’re going to be staying with your father and I until your memories are back.”

Grantaire grit his teeth. Great. Not only did he had to deal with it apparently _not_ being April 2005, but he had to go back to living in his parents’ shadow. He moved across the state for school to get the hell away from them, not to marry some douche and move back in with them.

Lyla kissed Grantaire on the head. “I am going to go and find a nurse and see when you can come with us.” She ran out of the room, her bright-blue heels clicking across the linoleum floor.

Grantaire stared at the empty doorway for a minute or so before turning to his dad, who was leaning uncomfortably against the end of the bed. “You can sit down, you know.”

Thomas began to hobble over to the chair, a look of pain crossing his face as he tried to move. Grantaire studied him, comparing him to the father that he remembered, the one who had run seven miles every morning and had done an hour of yoga every night ever since Grantaire was a kid. The man never got sick, not even a cold. His father now, though, looked like he could keel over any second.

As he sat down, Thomas raised an eyebrow at Grantaire and muttered, “Chemo.”

“What?”

Thomas waved a hand in front of his body. “All of this. It’s because of the chemo.”

Grantaire’s eyes widened. “Oh.” He didn’t know what to say. Should he give his condolences, like he would if it was a friend’s parent? It wasn't like he really knew this man after all. It wasn’t the father he had played baseball with or the father he had learned karate from. He pulled his eyes away from this shred of a man and looked down at his blanket, picking uncomfortably at the fraying edges of the white knit blanket.

He looked up as Lyla walked back into the room, a nurse walking behind her. The nurse walked over to the bed and grabbed Grantaire’s chart, glancing over it. “All right, Mr. Herman, I just have to check a few more things and then you are free to leave.”

Soon, Grantaire was being handed his clothes and his phone. He went into the bathroom attached to the room and changed his clothes. He immediately began to feel better as soon as that scratchy paper hospital gown was off his body. Yeah, his shirt was stained red and the smell of piss would probably never come out of his jeans, but hey, they were still far more comfortable.

 Grantaire picked up his phone off the bedside table once he came back into the room, marveling at the device just like he had Combeferre's. He stared at the phone before pressing down on the center button cautiously, hoping that it would turn it on and not set off a bomb somewhere else in the hospital.

Fortunately, it was not the latter. The screen lit up to show an image of two mixed children: a darker girl in a red tank top and jeans who was leaning against a tree, and a male toddler standing between her legs in a light-blue tee shirt and jeans.

Grantaire narrowed his eyes at the image before clearing his throat uncomfortably. He turned the screen towards his parents, a heavy feeling in his stomach. “Uhm, who are they?”

Lyla and Thomas looked at one another, a look of apprehension on their faces before Lyla looked back at Grantaire, Thomas looking down to the ground. Lyla reached out for the phone, looking at the picture before turning it back around towards Grantaire. She pointed to each of the children in turn and told Grantaire who they were. “This is your oldest child, Allie. You adopted her when she was seven, and she is eleven now. This is Jack. He’s almost three, and you got him the same week that he was born.”

Grantaire swallowed thickly and nodded, taking the phone out of Lyla’s hand and turning the screen off. He had no desire to stare at that image any longer. He wanted to find something to eat, get drunk, and go to sleep. Maybe, if he was lucky, he would wake up in the morning and this all will have been a bad dream.

 

 

 

 

 

7

 

Enjolras groaned as he opened his eyes, his head pounding as his eyes struggled to adjust in the dark room. He glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table to see that it was only a few minutes before his alarm was set to go off. “R, it’s time to wake up,” he grumbled, reaching behind him to shake his husband awake.

Enjolras’s fingers fell through empty space and onto the bed. He looked over his shoulder to see that Grantaire’s side of the bed looked as though it hadn’t been slept in: the sheets, while out of place from Enjolras’s cocoon, weren’t rumbled, and the pillow was still smooth. Enjolras squinted at the cold sheets in confusion before the pieces finally clicked. Of _course_ Grantaire hadn’t slept here last night. He was at his parents’ house, trying to work through his lack of memory.

Enjolras struggled to swallow around the sudden lump in his throat as he stared at the pillows, a sigh slipping out from between his lips. He dropped his head back down, turning to lay on his back. He stared up at the ceiling, his heart thumping painfully as he realized just how little motivation he had to go on with his normal life and go to work, as if nothing had ever happened.

With that thought in mind, he stretched his arm out next to him, feeling around on the table until he found his phone. He turned the alarm off before scrolling through his contacts.

“Hey, Kathryn, it’s Enjolras Herman,” Enjolras said when the secretary’s voicemail clicked on. “I am going to need the permanent sub to fill in for me for a couple of weeks. Grantaire was worse off than I thought, and my family just really needs me home right now. If there is anything wrong with getting a sub, give me a call, but otherwise, I will just keep you updated. Thanks, Kathryn.” Enjolras hung up the phone before calling Jack’s daycare and Allie’s school, leaving messages there as well to let their teachers know what had happened, and that they would not be in attendance today.

Enjolras tossed his phone back onto the table before closing his eyes again in hopes of easing his aching head and heart. However, the longer that he lay in bed, the more and more his thoughts turned to Grantaire. Their first date. Their trip to Memphis. The first time that Enjolras ever saw Grantaire.

Enjolras pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, his stomach beginning to feel queasy the longer that he let himself wallow in his misery. He just had to face the facts, and deal with the fact that things would be different for a little while. At least for now, he had to keep on living for his kids, if not himself.

After twenty more minutes of wallowing, Enjolras decided that he just needed to get up. He slipped on a pair of slippers that were next to the bed before going downstairs and making a pot of coffee, as well as microwaving a breakfast sandwich. Once the coffee was done, Enjolras poured himself a cup, wincing at the grainy texture of the liquid. He had always sucked at making coffee. Grantaire was the only one in their household who had known how to work the ancient machine.

They had bought it at a garage sale when they first got married, and the owner _assured_ them that it was in mint condition. However, Enjolras doubted that “mint condition” meant “made in this century.” It consisted of a glass orb and a steam pot, as well as a fine strainer that held the ground-up beans. After a while, Enjolras had gotten sick of grinding beans, and had started putting the instant stuff in. The machine just couldn’t handle it the same.

Enjolras finished eating and put his dishes in the sink before making his way back upstairs and into the shower. He washed his hair and body on autopilot, not realizing what he was doing until he was sitting on the living room couch a half hour later, fully dressed in jeans and a long sleeve tee shirt.

Enjolras pulled out his phone again as he walked towards the kitchen to see that it was 7:45. Typically, his parents were up at this time, and his children (or at least his son) _always_ were, so he figured that it would be perfectly fine for him to go on over to the house. If he was being honest with himself, he still needed some time by himself to deal with what had happened, but he didn’t want that. He didn’t want to have to deal with it. He wanted to have his kids with him, wanted to pretend that Grantaire was just off on a business trip somewhere and that he would be home in a few days.

He walked out to the car, turning it on and clicking on the radio before beginning to drive in his parents’ direction. Along the way, he stopped into a grocery store and bought a half dozen bagels so that his mom wouldn’t have to worry about making breakfast. It was a chore that Beatrice had always hated to do, ever since Enjolras and all of his brothers had repeatedly changed what they wanted to eat (or decided that they weren’t hungry) every time she tried to make them a meal before school. No, this was a much better idea.

Enjolras pulled into the driveway, chuckling when he looked up to the house. Jack was standing in front of the curtain and facing out towards the street, holding Leanne, Beatrice and Nyle’s orange tabby, against the window. He was making faces at all the cars that passed by. When he saw his father, he dropped the cat and began to wave enthusiastically, a big smile on his face. Enjolras forced a smile of his own and waved back.

Jack shot out from behind the curtain the moment that Enjolras stepped into the house. “Hi, Daddy!” the boy exclaimed, hugging Enjolras tightly around the legs. Enjolras reached down and ruffled his hair before picking him up and kissing him on the cheek.

“Good morning, buddy. Where’s Ni-Ni and Poppy?”

Jack pointed to the kitchen. “Ni-Ni is there. Poppy is sleeping.”

Enjolras handed Jack the bag of bagels before walking into the kitchen to see his mom sitting at the table doing a crossword puzzle and drinking a cup of coffee. She was wearing a blue silk sleep set, which she had covered up with a light-pink robe. “Morning mom,” Enjolras said, putting Jack down in one of the chairs. He took the bagels from him. “I brought breakfast.”

“Thank you, dear.” She lifted her chin, her eyes never leaving his paper. Enjolras rolled his eyes before walking over and kissing her on the cheek. Beatrice glanced over and gave him a warm smile before holding up her coffee cup. Enjolras took it and took it over to the counter. He poured her more and handed her the cup before going back to the counter and cutting a bagel in half for Jack. He put grape and strawberry jelly on it before cutting it up into bite-sized squares. He handed it to Jack, along with a fork.

“So, where’s Allie?” he asked, cutting another bagel in half and popping it into the toaster. He poured Jack a sippy cup full of juice.

“Jack woke her up this morning, and wouldn’t let her go back to sleep. She was in the guest room watching a movie, the last time I checked.”

The bagel popped up. Enjolras walked over and grabbed it. He put it on a plate and smothered it with cream cheese before walking out of the room and upstairs, to where his bedroom used to be. Beatrice had transformed it into the guest room the same year that Grantaire and Enjolras got married.

Sure enough, Allie was laying on the bed, staring blankly at the television screen. Enjolras recognized the look on her face. It was the one that said that she was pretty much sleeping with her eyes open. He shook his head before coming over and kissing her on the temple, gently shaking her arm until she looked back over. “Hi, Dad,” she muttered, blinking slowly.

“Good morning, baby.” He handed her the plate, shaking Allie’s arm again when her eyes glazed back over. He sat down next to her and propped her up, poking her repeatedly until she finally woke up enough to be coherent.

“I’m not hungry,” she muttered, her eyelids drooping as she leaned against the side of Enjolras’s arm. When Enjolras nudged her, though, she groaned and reached down to the plate. She took a bite, her jaw going slack as she slowly chewed.

Enjolras kissed her temple again before standing up. “I’m not going to work for a while, and I called in for you and Jack-Jack today. I figured we could do something as a family together.” He walked over to the doorway. He turned around once he reached the doorway. “Finish eating and get dressed. Come downstairs once you’re ready.”

Enjolras walked back downstairs. He paused at the foot of the steps, when he heard a strange growling sound coming from over by the window. He glanced over, but he saw nothing. He went back into the kitchen to see that Jack had left the kitchen. _I guess that is where that growling sound came from,_ Enjolras realized, sitting down across from his mom. A moment later, the growling noise happened again, only this time, it was louder. “What _is_ that?” he asked, giving his mom a look of confusion.

“They’re bird watching. Jack heard Leanne make that noise last night when she saw a bird, and he just started copying it this morning.”

“Oh.” Enjolras shook his head. There were some things about that boy that Enjolras would just never understand. He sighed. “Last night was really rough, Ma.”

Beatrice nodded, putting her coffee down and reaching out across the table to take Enjolras’s hand. “Things will work out the way they are supposed to, baby. Everything will be all right.”

Enjolras sighed. “I really hope so, Ma. I really hope so.” He let out a deep breath before standing up and going back over to the counter. He poured himself a mug of coffee, thankful that his parents had bought themselves one of the much newer, much more _efficient_ models. It made the most delicious brew.

He took the mug back over to the table and sat down. He pulled out his phone and began flipping it idly in his hands.

After a few moments of silence, Enjolras finally said, “What do I do?”

Beatrice reached out and grabbed Enjolras’s hand again. She laced their fingers, gently running her thumb over the back of his hand. “You take care of your children. You love them, and you love yourself. You keep on living, regardless of whatever happens with Grantaire.”

Enjolras shook his head. “I don’t know how to do that anymore, Ma. It’s been so long since I have had to be alone.” He looked down. “I don’t know how to be a father when I feel so broken.” He bit his lip before looking back up. “How did you do it, Ma? How did you survive when you lost Hiram and Rosie?”

Hiram had been Beatrice’s first husband, and Rosie was the older sister that Enjolras had never met. When Rosie was three months old, Hiram and she were home alone while Beatrice was off on a business trip. There was a carbon monoxide leak. Beatrice returned home the next day to fire trucks and ambulances blocking her driveway.

Beatrice cleared her throat and raised her eyes brows slightly, the lines around her eyes growing deeper as she frowned. “I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t easy,” she said finally, her voice quivering. “I thought that I was going to die the day that I found out what had happened. Eventually, though, it got easier, and I was able to move on. And then I met your father.”

She gave Enjolras a weak smile. “Things will be easier for you. You still have your children. You don’t know for certain that Grantaire won’t get his memories back.” She squeezed his hand harder. “I promise you, eventually things will be okay.”

 

 

 

 

8

     

The hours turned into days, and soon, more than a week had gone by without any trace of Grantaire's memories of Enjolras. The kids were still struggling just as much as their dad was: Allie, normally so emotionally distant, had become especially affectionate with her remaining family, and Jack, not understanding what had happened, asked Enjolras multiple times a day when Papa was coming back home.

Today, though, was the first time that things started to feel normal again. Enjolras and Jack were sitting in the living room watching _How to Train Your Dragon Two_ on one of the kids channels for the twelfth time that week while Allie was at a friend's house, working on a science project. Jack was bouncing up and down on the couch excitedly, his eyes widening (like they always did) the first time that Hiccup rode Toothless and fell into the rocks. Enjolras was staring aimlessly at his phone, some game he had downloaded flashing across the screen as he mindlessly pressed the home screen button to jump over obstacles.

Enjolras’s mind, though, was completely blank. He had spent so much time the last few days trying to deal with everything that had happened that he had snapped and had returned to an old habit of his, popping allergy pills as a way to numb whatever he felt. In college, it was a way to stop the stress of being a RA and an education major, as well as working towards a second major in business and a minor in French. When he was in school, the pills made him feel out of it enough that he didn’t have to think about anything. Now, though, all it did was make him feel drowsy.

Enjolras startled when he felt a hand grab his wrist. He looked over to see Jack pouting and pointing at the now-static screen. He narrowed his eyes at the mesh of colors before getting up and standing behind the television. He fiddled with the cord, watching Jack for any sign that his movie was back on. When there was no reaction, Enjolras sighed and came back around to the front of the electronic. He grabbed the remote and flipped to another channel, which happened to work perfectly fine. _Must just be this channel,_ Enjolras thought, switching back to the kids’ station. Sure enough, the screen went colorful once again.

Enjolras turned back to Jack, smiling apologetically. “We’ll have to watch something on a different channel, buddy.”

Jack shook his head. “But I wanna watch big dragon spit on little dragon!” He pouted and moved back on the couch, crossing his arms and letting out a huffed breath.

"I'm sorry, buddy, but it just doesn’t work. We’re going to have to do something else." Enjolras reached down and ruffled Jack's hair. Jack squirmed away, dipping his head so that Enjolras couldn’t get to it.

Enjolras rolled his eyes, crouching down so that he was level with his son. Jack was always like this when things didn’t go his way, but Enjolras knew how to bring him out of his funk. "Hey, I have an idea. How about we go to the store and pick out stuff for your birthday party tomorrow?"

Jack's pout went away and he started to nod excitedly. Enjolras smiled at him before picking him up, hoisting him on his hip and taking him up to his room. He put Jack on the Mattress and went to the chest of drawers, pulling out a pair of jeans and a long sleeve shirt for the boy. He walked back over and held them out to Jack. “Do you want to try and dress yourself, or do you want Daddy to do it?”

Jack thought about it for a moment before standing up and holding his hands out. “I do it!” He grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled it off, hobbling around the room when his head got stuck in the neck hole. Enjolras chuckled before going over and helping his son get free. Jack gave him a toothy grin. “Thank you, Daddy!”

“You’re welcome, Jack.”

Jack took his new shirt and put it on, once again making a mistake. He let out a loud whimper as he somehow managed to get his arm through the head hole, and the crown of his head through the arm hole. Enjolras crouched back down and began to try to untangle Jack. He stopped, through, when Jack let out a low growl. “No, Daddy! I do it!”

Enjolras held up his hands in defeat. “If you say so, Jacky-boy.”

Jack hesitated before trying to move again, squirming around until he managed to get his head to the head hole. His arm was still there, though, so stood in front of Enjolras with his arm straight up in the air and a look of pride of his face. “I did it! I un-stuck!” He squirmed around some more until he was successfully able to get his shirt on. Once he was done, he grinned again and held his hands out for his pants.

Enjolras chuckled. “How about I help this time,” he said, grabbing Jack around the waist and pulling him onto his lap. He grabbed the bottom of Jack’s SpongeBob pajama pants and pulled them off. He threw them across the room to the white-cloth hamper before grabbing the stretchy jeans and yanking them up Jack’s stout legs. He slid him off his lap and placed him back on the bed.

“Okay, what shoes do you want to wear?” Enjolras held up a pair of tennis shoes and a pair of fuzzy black slippers. Jack stared at the shoes in contemplation before pointing to the black ones.

“Comfy!” He pushed himself off the bed and walked over, grabbing the shoes from Enjolras’s hands. He threw them on the floor and stomped over to them, sliding his feet in and jumping up and down. “Comfy!”

“I’m glad you like them, buddy.” Enjolras picked him up and took him out to the car, buckling him into his car seat before getting into the front, glad that he had left his own shoes on from when he had dropped Allie off. He plugged his phone in to the radio and turned on his music. He looked into the rearview window and smiled at Jack. “Are you excited for your birthday?”

Enjolras looked back at the road before glancing back into the mirror to see Jack nodding enthusiastically and holding up three fingers. “I’ll be this many!”

Enjolras chuckled. “That’s right.” He started the drive to the party store, turning up the radio when he heard Jack singing along with the song in the back seat. He loved when Jack sang along. The boy would sing at the top of his lungs with the biggest smile on his face, and his eyes aglow.

This time, though, Jack had decided to sing along to a song that he didn’t know. Instead of the words, he was singing along with the guitar and the basic melody of the song with several screamed “la la la”s. Regardless, Enjolras still found it incredibly entertaining.

They pulled into the parking lot as the song was ending, as the Herman house was only two blocks away from the main shopping district in the town. Enjolras stole a parking spot from some woman in a white sedan and, ignoring the glare and the finger that he received, paused the music on his phone before unplugging it. He  got out and walked around to the back seat, unbuckling Jack and holding out his arms. Jack shook his head and looked up at his father, holding up the plastic pink dinosaur that he had gotten out of a cereal box. “Can Baby come too?”

Enjolras thought about it for a moment before answering. He didn’t want Jack to accidently lose Baby in the store but, if he didn’t let Jack take it, he might throw a fit and refuse to leave the car until Enjolras said that it was all right. He might was well just give in. “That’s fine, sweetheart.”

“Thank you, Daddy!” He hugged the dinosaur, holding it closer when Enjolras picked him up. He grabbed a cart from a few spaces down and put Jack in the front, buckling him in and dropping his jacket in the back. Jack took Baby and started banging him against the handle of the cart. “Look, Daddy! Baby is dancing!”

“M-hmm.” Enjolras pushed the cart into the store, trying his hardest to avoid the glittery goo that had caked its way up the sidewalk and into the door frame. A young woman wearing a nametag that said “manager” was working inside, her strawberry blonde hair reflecting the same glitter as the doorway as she stacked up the last of a box of Halloween buckets near the end of the registers. “Good afternoon,” she said, nodding at Enjolras and smiling down at Jack. “Can I help you boys with anything today?”

Enjolras shook his head. “Thank you, but I think we are good. We are just looking around.”

The associate nodded before going over to the registers again, eying her tower before walking over to the only cashier. She leaned against the counter and started to flirt with the girl working there. Enjolras wasn’t close enough to hear what she said, but it was obviously something that the cashier liked, as she gave her manager sensual eyes and a small smile, her cheeks flushed a light pink. Enjolras chuckled and shook his head. He loved seeing happy couples, or soon-to-be couples, depending on what these girls were.

Enjolras sent the girls a smile before turning back to Jack. “Okay, plates and cups,” Enjolras murmured, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Jack’s hair affectionately. He pushed the cart into the aisle, casting his eyes over the selection until he figured out where he needed to be. He moved the cart down to the “boy” section of the aisle, making sure that he was as close to the dinosaur designs as possible.

 Jack narrowed his eyes and looked at the selection before shaking his head. “Don’t like them, Daddy.”

Enjolras raised his eyebrows and pointed to the dinosaur plates. “Really? None of them?”

Jack shook his head. “Baby not like them either.” Enjolras raised his eyebrows higher before pulling the cart down to the girl plates. Jack stuck his tongue out and crossed his eyes, shaking his head. “I no like these either. They girl ones, Daddy!”

“Jack, you have to choose one of these. These are all the birthday plates that they have.”

“Don’t want them!”

Enjolras raised his hands in defeat. “All right, fine. Let’s go look at party favors and then we will come back to the plates, okay?”

Jack nodded, turning his attention back to his dinosaur. Enjolras started pushing the cart towards the favor aisle. When they passed an end cap, however, Jack’s hand’s shot out and he yelled, “Daddy, stop! Want those!”

Enjolras followed Jack’s finger before shaking his head. “Jack, no. Those aren’t party plates.”

“Want them!”

“No, buddy. We will come back to the birthday ones.”

Jack stuck out his lower lip and began to fake cry. “I am not happy!”

Enjolras rolled his eyes. “Jack, no.” Jack fake-cried harder in response, squeezing his eyes shut. When Enjolras continued to ignore the cries, he raised his voice, yelling and hitting Baby against the cart handle. Enjolras groaned as other customers started to look at them with curiosity. “All right, fine! We’ll get them!” He grabbed the green-and-yellow baby shower plates and threw them in the cart. Jack’s smile immediately came back, and he started playing with Baby again. Enjolras stared at the plates and shook his head. There were some things about his son’s tastes he would never understand.

Enjolras pushed the cart the last few feet to the favor aisle. He stared at the bins for a moment before deciding that Jack was old enough to make his own decision. He picked Jack up and set him on the ground, pointing at the different bins. “You can choose any three things you want your friends to get at your party.”

Jack smiled and ran to the bins, immediately picking up a bag full of neon-colored plastic frogs. He walked over to the cart and stood on the bottom shelf to throw the bag in, grinning when he landed it square on top of the plates. He climbed back down and ran back over. He grabbed a package of faerie tattoos, putting those in the cart as well. He stood in front of the bins again before shaking his head and looking at Enjolras. “I no know, Daddy.”

“Just pick one, Jack-Jack.”

Jack pouted and looked back at the toys. He stared for a moment before turning back to Enjolras, a look of desperation on his face. “I no _know,_ Daddy!” He walked over and hugged Enjolras around the legs, looking up at him.

Enjolras looked down at his son and ruffled his hair. “Do you want me to pick something out?” Jack nodded. Enjolras picked him up and carried him over to the bins. He settled Jack on his hip before leaning down and grabbing a pack of multi-colored swirled crazy straws. He showed them to Jack. “Are these all right?” Jack nodded enthusiastically. Enjolras kissed him on the forehead. “All right, then.”

Enjolras threw the package in the cart. He pushed the cart back to the plate aisle, once again stopping in front of the dinosaur plates. “Are you sure that you don’t want these ones?”

Jack scrunched up his face and looked at Enjolras through his lashes. “No, Daddy.”

Enjolras shrugged before grabbing black cups and napkins to go with the baby shower plates. He glanced down at his watch to see that they had been there for forty-five minutes already. “Let’s go pay and then we will go get candy for the party, all right?”

Jack nodded and dropped his head down on Enjolras’s shoulder and nuzzled against his neck, yawning. Enjolras pushed the cart to the registers, smirking when he saw the manager and the cashier still flirting. They were standing close to one another, both of their eyes sparkling as they looked at each other.

Enjolras let them do their thing for a moment before clearing his throat. The cashier jumped back, her cheeks darkening at being caught. The manger, though, didn’t seem to care, and she just smirked, giving the cashier another lust-filled look before turning around and sauntering to the costume aisle.

 “I can get you here, sir,” the cashier said, her voice squeaking and her eyes following the other woman’s rear until she was out of sight. Enjolras gave her a knowing smile before unloading the items onto the counter. The girl quickly rung Enjolras out without looking at him, her eyes trained on what she was doing. She handed Enjolras his receipt and his bags, her cheeks getting darker as the manager came back.

Enjolras and Jack went back out to the car. They loaded the bags in the trunk before driving to the grocery store across the street. "Let's leave the dinosaur in the car this time, Jack Jack," Enjolras instructed, unbuckling the boy and lifting him out of his booster seat. They went into the store, pausing by the carts. Enjolras went to grab one, only to be stopped by Jack.

"No cart, Daddy," Jack said, giving Enjolras his best puppy dog eyes. He pointed to his feet. “I walk.”

Enjolras gave Jack a stern look. "I am not going to carry you when you get tired of walking."

Jack pouted for a moment before his eyes widened with an idea. "You get cart in case I get sleepy?” He puts his hands under his chin, making his eyes even wider. "Please Daddy?"

Enjolras chuckled, shaking his head. "If that's what you really want." He pulled out a cart and walked into the store. They made their way towards produce. Jack gave Enjolras a look of confusion when he grabbed a bag of grapes.

“Party fruit?"

"No, Jack Jack. These are for Allie." He put the grapes in the cart. He grabbed two containers of blackberries and strawberries, as well, putting them alongside the grapes. He held his hand out for Jack to take before leading the boy towards the soda aisle. Enjolras grabbed five two-litre bottles at random, knowing that his kids would drink absolutely anything as long as it was carbonated.

Once all the bottles were in the cart, Jack and Enjolras went to the candy and snack food aisle. Enjolras watched Jack eye the brightly colored bags with interest before saying, "Keep your hands on the cart, Jacky-boy. I don't want you taking anything." Jack pouted but did as he was asked.

Enjolras started to look through the bags. He was so absorbed in choosing something good, he didn't notice when Jack let go of the cart and wandered off.

 

***

 

Grantaire stepped into the brightly-lit grocery store, his eyes narrowing as he realized that the store had clearly been remodeled at some point during the last several years. He squinted at the aisle headers before glancing back down at his list before looking at the signs. _Ah, fuck it,_ he thought, shoving his list back into his pocket and grabbing a hand basket, picking a section of the store at random.

Grantaire looked up to see that he was heading to the baking aisle. From what he had been told, baking had been a huge part of his life for the last several years. The most he could remember doing, however, was attempting to make chocolate cookies out of store-bought cookie dough and nearly setting the dorm kitchen on fire when he misjudged the oven temperature his freshman year of university.

Grantaire pulled his list back out to see that his mother needed cocoa powder, chocolate chips, and powdered sugar. He looked around before spotting the cocoa powder a few feet away from where he was standing. As he walked over to the product, a memory sudden swirled to the forefront of his mind.

_Grantaire stared at the oven as it began to beep, a sure-fire sign that it was heated. He bit his lip before looking back down at the mess of ingredients he had created upon the counter. The recipe he was basing this off if had called for so much; he just hoped he didn't mess anything up. This would be the first time he had tried to create his own recipe completely from scratch, and he really hoped it worked out._

_He looked up as he heard someone else enter the kitchen. It was his mother. She snorted when she saw all the ingredients, shaking her head. "What's all this? You're never in the kitchen here. ‘Not enough space to bake,' you said."_

_Grantaire, who had just begun to measure the flour, ran a hand through his hair uncomfortably, leaving a white streak through his dark hair. "Uhm, I am just trying to make a new start with someone, who I was a major dick to before I got clean."_

_Lyla winked, her eyes knowing. "Oh, is this for that boy, the brother of that guy you met in pastry class? Courfeyrac, right?"_

_Grantaire nodded, a blush covering his cheeks. He and Courfeyrac had become pretty good friends in pastry class, and had taken several other classes in the year that had passed. Recently, however, Courfeyrac and Grantaire had been discussing the possibility of opening a bakery together, and had met up at Courfeyrac's parent's house (who had a much larger kitchen than Courfeyrac and Grantaire combined) to tinker with some recipes that they had already known. Courfeyrac had forgotten that his brothers were coming over that night, and Grantaire had not connected “Courfeyrac Graham” with “Enjolras Graham” until his old RA walked in the room. Grantaire had ended up staying long after dinner, and Enjolras and he had gotten to know each other. “Yeah.”_

_Lyla placed a hand on the small of Grantaire’s back comfortingly, casting another glance as the mix of oranges, cherries, and dark chocolate chips that Grantaire was beginning to chop. “Well, as long as you let me try whatever it is that you make, you are welcome to any of the other ingredients in the kitchen.”_

_“Thanks, Mom.” He turned his focus entirely back onto his ingredients, not noticing when his mother left the room._

_Twenty minutes later, Grantaire was done. The batter was a little but runny, but overall, Grantaire thought it was going to work. He grabbed an ice cream scoop out of the stove-side drawer, and used it to get his batter into his buttered cupcake tins. He had only filled three of the cups when a finger slid into his peripheral vision. “Hey!” he exclaimed, swatting at his sister’s hand as she stole a fingerful of the batter._

_Colleen winked, reaching out and stealing another taste. “Fucking delicious, bro.”_

_Grantaire gave Colleen a slight smile before pouring in the best of his batter and sliding the pan into the oven. He looked down at the bowl before holding it out to Colleen. She happily accepted, grabbing a spoon from the drawer and using it to scoop out whatever remaining gooey goodness she could. Grantaire watched her for a moment before going over to the pantry, pulling out a box of powdered sugar and a container of cocoa powder._

Grantaire was jolted from the memory when he felt a small tug on his pant leg and heard a boy’s voice saying, “Papa!” repeatedly. He looked down to see the boy from his lock screen staring back at him, a big smile on his face and a gleeful twinkling in his eyes. He continued to repeat “papa” over and over as he pulled, his tugging getting more insistent the longer that Grantaire stared blankly at him. He reached an arm up and began bouncing on his legs, making it obvious that he wanted Grantaire to pick him up.

Grantaire stared down at . . . Jake? John? No, wait! He knew this! It was Jack! He stared down at _Jack_ , his eyes wide and his mouth dry. He gaped at Jack as he began to pout, tears welling up in his big brown eyes as he began to plead. “Please, Papa?”

“Jack, no!”

Grantaire looked up to see Enjolras running over, an apologetic expression on his face. He scooped Jack up into his arms as soon as he reached the duo, trying his hardest to keep Jack from reaching out again. Jack, however, was still desperate for Grantaire’s touch, and began to squirm in Enjolras’s arms as he continued to reach out. Enjolras pulled him closer before trying to walk away, coming to a stop only when Jack latched on to a passing shelf and began to cry out louder. “Papa!”

Grantaire’s heart began to beat faster. He tried to respond, to say anything to make the situation easier, but he had no clue what he was supposed to do. Enjolras sensed this, and sighed before kissing Jack on the side of the head and unlatching his fingers. “Jack, you know that when Papa is working, he can’t play with you. He is still working, so you are just going to have to be patient, all right buddy?”

Jack shook his head and began to cry harder. “No! Want Papa!” He looked over Enjolras’s shoulder, giving Grantaire a look that almost tempted the man to just deal with the discomfort of holding Jack. Jack whimpered before whispering, “Miss Papa.”

Grantaire felt his heart ache with the genuine need in the child’s voice. It was obvious to him, now, that what everyone had been saying was right. He really did have a family with this man, and he really had been there as a father to Jack and the girl . . . what was her name? Oh, Allie. Hell, Grantaire had never even _wanted_ kids, but as God had it, he apparently had started a family with this man that he so very much disliked.

He watched as Enjolras hugged Jack tightly again, the man’s apology hardly reaching Grantaire’s ears. He nodded, still unable to form any sort of words as Enjolras and Jack made their way up to the front of the store, the boy still staring at Grantaire with sad, wet eyes as they walked away.

 

 

 

9

 

As Enjolras rounded a corner, Jack let out a loud whimper and reached out again. The crushed rejection was the last thing Grantaire saw of him. He sighed, turning back to his list. The sick feeling in his stomach and the tremor in his fingers, though, made the list hard to read. He reached out blindly and grabbed whatever his hand brushed first.

Once Grantaire had finished randomizing his basket, he quickly scoured the store for the rest of his ingredients, managing to finish up in just a few minutes. He headed to the front of the store, where the checkout was.

Unloading his basket on an empty lane, Grantaire glanced at the cashier before turning to look at candy lining the shelves behind him. He began to reach out for a Reese’s. His hand stopped short, however, when a flash of a memory hit him: Allie was allergic to peanuts. He pulled his hand back and put it by his side guiltily, straightening back up. He looked towards the glass windows that made up the front walls. Straight ahead, he could see Enjolras crouching in front of the back of a car, Jack perched on the bumper. Enjolras's hand was on Jack's knee, and the boy brought his hands up to his face every few minutes to wipe at his eyes.

    Right as Enjolras pulled Jack into a hug, Grantaire heard the cashier clear her throat in annoyance. He looked over to see that she had narrowed her eyes at him. She pointed irately to the card reader before looking back at the line of customers that had grown. Grantaire gave her an apologetic smile before sliding his card.

    The cashier rolled her eyes before holding out the receipt. "Have a nice day."

Grantaire wrenched his receipt out of the girl’s hand, narrowing his eyes are her attitude. He turned and gave the man behind him an apologetic smile before grabbing his bags and heading out to the car. He threw the groceries on the back seat, letting out a groan when the cocoa powder rolled out of the bag and under the seat. Grantaire know that he had to pick up the can now, or he would never remember what had happened to it by the time that he got home.

He dropped his keys on the front seat before going back into the back, crouching down next to the car as he stuck his hand under the seat. He took out his phone and shined the light from the flashlight app under the seat. When he was unable to see anything remotely cocoa-shaped, however, he was forced to stick his hand in and hope for the best. Besides, he highly doubted that there would be much under this seat other than the cocoa. It was his mother’s car, after all, and she was obsessed with making sure that it was impeccably clean.

“Gotcha,” Grantaire mumbled, his hands brushing against cool metal. He reached a little bit further into the abyss, until he was able to grip the container in his hand. When he pulled his arm back, however, he was surprised to see that it was not the cocoa container in his hand at all, but a small, cheaply painted box with a penguin on the lid. He brought it towards himself, cautiously removing the top. He looked inside to see that the box contained several dozen acorns, a few dried flowers, and a pack of green apple bubble gum. Upon the bottom of the lid, there was a child’s drawing of a butterfly, as well as the name “Alleandra McKenzie Herman” scrawled in spiraling letters.

Beginning to feel sick to his stomach, Grantaire closed the box and shoved it back under the seat, desperate to hide any trace of his past life. He had had more than enough of it today.

Grantaire reached under the seat again, trying once more to get the cocoa container. This time, luck was on his side, and he was able to pull it out without any trouble. He threw it back into one of the bags, anxious to get out of the parking lot and back to his house, where he could shut himself away from all this bullshit and just be himself.

He sat down in the front seat and started the car, pulling out of the space and away from the store. He was glad that his parents only lived a few minutes away from the store because, before he knew it, he was back in the kitchen, putting away all of the shit that had been on his mother’s shopping list. Once everything was in its proper place, he glanced over at Lyla, who was sitting at the table reading, and gave her a tight smile before going into the fridge and grabbing a beer.

“Grantaire . . .” Lyla began, her voice trailing off. Grantaire tuned her out. He didn’t miss the way that the woman’s eyes drifted in disapproval at the can, but he decided to ignore it. He was a grown man. If he wanted to drink, he was going to drink and, if he had supposedly been sober all these years, one can wasn’t going to be enough to send him spiraling back into an alcoholic rage, if he had _really_ ever gotten that bad.

“Yeah, mom?”

Lyla stared at the can for a moment longer before sighing and looking back down at her newspaper, her pen slipping out from behind her ear and landing on the kitchen floor with a clatter. She pushed her glasses up on the bridge of her nose before shaking her head. “Never mind, sweetheart.”

Grantaire shrugged, cracking open the tab and taking a large gulp, welcoming the familiar taste. He gave Lyla a mock salute before leaving the room. He glanced over his shoulder a final time before going up the stairs to see that Lyla had removed her glasses and was leaning forward against her hand, her auburn hair falling across her face in a curtain as she rubbed at her eyes sadly. Grantaire looked down at the beer and sighed, his mother’s disappointment ruining the aftertaste of the alcohol that he normally loved so much. He tightened his grip before placing the now-dented can on the table next to the stairwell. He would just have to calm down some other way.

As Grantaire began to think about the last time that he had gotten drunk, he knew _exactly_ what would calm him down from such a hectic day.

 

***

 

“Fuck,” Grantaire groaned, quickening the pumping of his hand and adding a twist as the man started thrusting faster into the busty brunette on screen. He pulled his hand away for a moment to spit into his palm, the newfound slickness of his hand against his cock making him tremble. He let out another groan as he felt his testes begin to tighten, a sure sign that he was able to cum. _A few more twists, that’s all it will –_

Grantaire let out an irritated breath as his phone began to ring, drawing him out of his lust-induced haze and killing the mood. He let go of his cock and grabbed his shirt, pulling it back on before leaning over and grabbing his phone, the lighted screen revealing Enjolras’s picture. Grantaire narrowed his eyes and slid the call bar over, ignoring the call. He shook his head as he put the device back on the desk, his stomach filling with annoyance when the screen lit up with Enjolras’s picture once again. He angrily hit the answer button before holding the phone up to his ear. “What do you want?”

 

***

 

Enjolras handed the cashier the money for the purchase, hugging Jack as tightly as he could. Jack responded by tangling his arms around Enjolras’s neck, his tears soaking the shoulder of his shirt. He wouldn’t loosen his grip until Enjolras had to put Jack down so that he could put the groceries in the car. He began to whimper the moment his feet touched the ground. “No, Daddy, no put me down.” He stepped forward and hugged Enjolras’s leg, resting his head again his father’s hip.

Enjolras looked down and ruffled his hair before finishing up putting the groceries in the back of the car. Once he was done, he picked Jack up and put him on the edge of the bumper, crouching down in front of him. He put a hand on Jack’s knee. “Buddy, you can’t just wander off from me like that. It really scared me too look down and see that you weren’t there.”

Jack began to sniffle. He wiped his eyes and looked down. “Sorry, Daddy,” he said, his voice tight and shaking. Enjolras leaned forward and kissed him on the head.

“It’s okay, just stay by me next time.” Jack nodded. Enjolras began to straighten back up, but when he did, Jack began to cry again. Enjolras gave him a look of confusion before crouching down again. “Jack, what’s wrong?”

Jack started to cry harder, making it difficult for Enjolras to understand him as he whimpered, “Papa don’t love Jack-Jack no more.”

Enjolras’s eyes widened and he tilted forward on his feet, pulling Jack into another hug. He hadn’t realized that Jack would have connected Grantaire’s rejection with not being loved any longer. There had been several times in the boy’s life that Grantaire (or Enjolras) was too busy to coddle him, and he had never reacted like that before. “Jack, that’s not true at all. Papa loves you very, very much. He just has to finish working before he can come back home.”

Jack shook his head. “No. He go to work and fo-got about Sissy and Daddy and Jack-Jack.” He buried his face in the corner of Enjolras’s jacket, his tiny body shaking with sobs.

Tears burned at the corners of Enjolras’s eyes as he kissed Jack as many times as he could, on the face, on the cheek, and on his head. He had no idea what to say, and, in all honesty, he thought that Jack was far too young to pick up on the fact that something had changed so deeply within his fathers. He pulled Jack tighter to him and stood, kissing the boy again before opening the passenger back door and sliding him into his car seat, quickly doing the buckle before getting into the front and driving away.

Fifteen minutes later, Enjolras pulled into the driveway of the house where Allie was at. He sent her a text to tell her that he was there before looking back at Jack, who had seemed to have forgotten about the store incident. He was hugging his dinosaur lovingly, and was whispering to it about some story that he had created. Allie came out and got into the car, turning on the radio the moment she sat down. Enjolras looked at her before turning back forward, beginning to drive towards the ice cream place.

It was only down the street, so soon, Enjolras was glancing down at his children as they walked to the counter at the front of the store. "You guys can get anything you want," he told them, the corner of his lip quirking up when a huge smile spread across Jack's face as he began to look at the different flavors excitedly.

After several minutes of contemplation, Allie ordered for Jack and herself before nudging Enjolras for his credit card. He handed the card to the cashier, giving her a tight smile as another worker handed Allie her triple-dipped ice cream cone and Jack his cookie-dough sundae. Allie started to make her way towards a table until Enjolras cleared his throat. "No, Allie. We are going to take the ice cream home. You guys can eat in the car."

Allie looked at her father, her eyes growing wide in surprise. "But you hate when we eat messy things in the car."

Enjolras shrugged. "I just want to get home, Allie. I don't care today." He turned and began walking towards the door, Allie and Jack mere paces behind him. When they got to the car, he quickly buckled Jack in before moving around to the driver's seat.

"Sit with me, sissy!" Jack called from the back when Allie slid into the passenger seat. Allie turned and shook her head at him before facing back forward, taking a lick of her ice cream. Jack pouted and began to cry at being rejected by two family members in one day.

"Just sit with him, Allie. He has had a really bad day."

Allie groaned. "Fine, I’ll do it." She got out of the car and slammed the door before opening the back and sliding in next to Jack. She rolled her eyes when the boy's tears stopped immediately. He used the hand not holding his ice cream to pull Allie's arm to his face and nuzzle it in a hug. He let go after a moment to take a bite of his ice cream, leaning his head on Allie's shoulder instead.

Enjolras watched his children for a moment before beginning to drive.

By the time that the trio had gotten home, Jack and Allie were finished with their ice cream. Enjolras collected the napkins and containers from the children before helping Jack out of the car, instructing them to go and play in their rooms while he finished putting things away. Jack, still craving the attention of his family, grabbed onto the back of Allie’s shirt and begged her for a piggy back ride and to play in her room. She sighed before relenting, crouching down for Jack to climb on before running to her room, her arms linked protectively around Jack’s legs.

Once the kids were gone, Enjolras made his own way into the house. He put the groceries away before going into the living room and sitting down on the couch, letting out a deep breath and placing his head in his hands. The look of fear upon Grantaire’s face when Jack had approached him was engraved deeply into Enjolras’s mind. He had never seen the man look so scared, and he hoped that he never would again.

Guilt began to weigh heavily on Enjolras’s conscious. He really should have apologized more thoroughly before walking out of the store like that . . . although, thinking back on it, who really was the one suffering the most in this situation? While taking himself out of the situation was hard enough, Enjolras couldn’t rationalize the pain that his children were going through. Yes, Grantaire had lost his memories, but he was still alive, and Jack was far too little to deserve his father abandoning him like that. Even if Grantaire couldn’t remember who exactly Jack was, he had been told about Jack several times, and he had a duty as the boy’s father to love him and to take care of him.

With that thought in mind, Enjolras sat back up and pulled out his phone, dialing the number that he had known by heart for so many years. It rang once before getting sent to voicemail. Annoyed, Enjolras hung up and tried again, determined to call until Grantaire finally picked up.

Luckily, Grantaire answered on the second attempt. “What do you want?”

Enjolras was startled by the anger in Grantaire’s voice. “I just wanted to apologize for today. Jack just really misses you.”

Grantaire scoffed. “Yeah, okay. Sure.” His voice was quivering, just like it used to do when he was drinking. Enjolras felt his stomach curdle with disgust. Grantaire had tried so hard to get clean and sober, just for it to be ruined in one single stupid second. Enjolras really hoped that it was only alcohol that he had gotten back into, and not the hardcore drugs that he had been so dependent on before. “Look, is that all you wanted? If so, you really didn’t have to call me.”

Enjolras began to apologize again, but the anger pumping through his veins made him stop. “Actually, no. I called to make sure that you were going to be at Jack’s party tomorrow.”

There was a silence before Grantaire replied, “Why should I come? I don’t even remember _having_ a son.”

“Because it would mean a lot to him. I know you don’t want—” and there it was. The anger was gone, just like that. Because that was the root of what was bothering Enjolras, wasn’t it? That Grantaire didn’t want him? He shook his head, trying to stay strong. This was important, for Jack’s sake. His voice broke as he continued, this time quieter. “I know that you don’t want me, or our life together, but you have two children and you owe it to be there for them.”

Grantaire sighed. “That’s not fair, Enjolras. I can’t control this.”

“ _Being there for your children_ isn’t fair? No, Grantaire, let me tell you what isn’t fair. It’s not fair to be in love with someone for nearly a decade and lose them in the blink of an eye. It’s not fair to have to explain to your children why their father wants nothing to do with them anymore. It’s not fair to have your own husband hate for you something that happened over seven years ago.”

“Enjolras, I know this is hard for you, but it isn’t like my life is a walk in the park either, you know. I wish that I remembered you, and your kids, but the fact is, I don’t, and I can’t guarantee that I ever will. I’m sorry, but that’s how it is. If I could be there for them I would, but—”

Enjolras was done listening. Before Grantaire could finish his sentence, Enjolras had hung up the phone and thrown it across the room. He let out a frustrated scream and pressed his hands against his eyes. Who did Grantaire think he was? He wasn’t that special. Enjolras, Allie, and Jack would be fine without him. He didn’t want them, fine. He wouldn’t have them. It was perfectly all right by Enjolras.

The tears were running down Enjolras’s cheeks before he even finished trying to convince himself of that thought. Who was he kidding? It broke his heart that Grantaire wanted nothing to do with him and the kids. Enjolras understood that Grantaire was going through a hard time, and that he was struggling with figuring out what all was going on in his life, but he was still needed so much by his family.

. . . things would have been so much easier if Enjolras had had a chance to say goodbye.

 

 

***

 

“ . . . but they deserve to have a father who remembers who they are, what they like and dislike, and what makes them special.” He sighed, leaning his elbows onto his thighs and rubbing his eyes with his free hand. “Look, Enjolras, I’m sorry.” He waited for a response. When none came, he pulled his phone away from his ear and looked at the screen, his eyes narrowing when he saw his lock screen rather than the call. “Dammit.”

Grantaire lowered his phone, rubbing his eyes again. He opened them and stared at the screen, unlocking the phone and going to his pictures. He scrolled through the images in hopes of lessening the rock that weighed heavily in his stomach. He stopped on an image of the four of them. Enjolras and Grantaire had their arms wrapped each others' backs. They were standing next to a kiosk with “Nevermore Baked Goods” written on it in swirly script, with carnival rides in the background. Enjolras had Jack on his shoulders, and Allie was standing next to Grantaire, a chocolate ice cream cone in her hand.

Grantaire stared at the smiling faces for a moment before dropping his phone and groaning. He stood and pushed his phone into his pocket before going into the kitchen and grabbing his car keys. He had a birthday present to buy.

 

 

 

10

 

Grantaire flipped the television off, glancing at his watch. He had woken up a little after three in the morning, and, at two o’clock in the afternoon, it was time for Jack’s party to begin. Even though he had bought Jack a present, he still hadn’t decided if he was going to go to the party or not.

One the one hand, he really had no business being at that party. He didn’t even remember _having_ a son, so why should he bother going to this party? His lack of memory would only make the situation worse, especially because everyone at the party would know him, and he would not know them. He knew _nothing_ about Jack and, as far as he was concerned, going to the party would only hurt Jack, especially if he accidentally did something that the boy didn’t like.

On the other hand . . . Grantaire was bored and irritable at home, if he was honest with himself. He hated not knowing what was going on, and he felt incomplete. Maybe going to the party would ease that ache, even if just for a couple of hours.

Decision made, Grantaire ran up to his room. He pulled his shoes on and grabbed his jacket. He came back downstairs and opened the cabinet next to the kitchen door, searching through the piles of junk until he found his mother’s spare key for her car.

He got into the car, pulling out his phone and opening his GPS app. His parents, who were out of town visiting Thomas’ sister, had texted him the address that very morning as a reminder that he was expected at the party.

Once the app had loaded, he followed the directions until he had pulled up in front of a medium-sized house with white bricks and a light-grey roof. The house had columns holding up the roof over the front porch, and there were shrubberies lining the walkway up to the door. Behind the house, Grantaire could see part of a light-brown fence, and beyond that, the heads of the adults at Jack’s party.

Grantaire got out of the car and made his way to the fence. He hesitated before pushing it open and stepping into the yard. He tightened the hastily-wrapped present until his arm, looking around until he saw a table on the porch piled high with boxes and bags. He went over and dropped the present atop the stack before turning back around the face the yard, looking around in hopes of seeing a face that he recognized.

 Luckily, Grantaire was able to spot his sister, Colleen, rather quickly. He walked over to her, tapping her on the shoulder. Colleen turned around, her shoulder-length strawberry-blonde hair flipping over her shoulder. She smiled widely when she saw who it was. “Grantaire! You came!”

Grantaire nodded uncomfortably. Colleen pulled him into a hug before stepping back, nodding towards the woman standing next to her. “Grantaire, do you remember Amanda?”

Grantaire studied the dark woman, his eyes narrowing as he tried to place if he had ever seen her before. When nothing came to, he bit his lip before shaking his head. “Sorry.”

The woman shrugged. “It’s okay.” She held out her hand. “I’m Amanda, Jack’s daycare teacher.”

“Oh.” He looked back to his sister before glancing around, seeing if there was _anyone_ else that he knew. There wasn’t. Well . . . not until he felt a tug on his leg, and looked down to see Jack looking up at him in excitement. A few feet away, Allie was there too, only she was forcing herself to look anywhere but at Grantaire.

“We’ll just leave you be,” Colleen said, placing a hand on Grantaire’s arm before she and Amanda walked off to mingle with some of the other party goers. Grantaire watched them leave with a feeling of nervousness before looking back down at Jack, who now was holding his arms up expectantly. He hesitated for a moment before leaning down and picking the boy up. Jack immediately put his arms around Grantaire’s neck and pulled him close.

“Papa,  you come!” He grinned wider and leaned forward, placing a sloppy kiss Grantaire’s cheek. He hugged him tighter, giggling excitedly. “You come!”

Grantaire patted the boy on the back uncomfortably, looking over at Allie, who glanced at him for a moment before looking away again. “Yeah.” He looked at Allie again. “Hey, Allie.”

Allie looked out of the corner of her eyes before sticking her nose up. “Hi.”

“How are you?”

Allie turned her head the rest of the way then let out a breath and rolled her eyes, turning sharply on her heel and walking away. She only made it ten or so feet before she hesitated and turned around, quickly running over and giving Grantaire a hug before darting back away. He watched her cautiously, unsure if he was supposed to call out for her to come back, or if he was just supposed to let her go. The further she walked, though, the more he realized that the decision was out of his hands.

Grantaire had just started to glance back around the party when he felt pressure on the bottom of his chin. He glanced down to see Jack gripping his chin between his thumb and index finger, his brows furrowed and his bottom lip sticking out in a deep pout. “What?”

Jack’s brows furrowed further before he asked, “Papa, when you gonna play horsey and  read books at night-night with Jack-Jack and Sissy?”

Grantaire gulped, his stomach beginning to feel sick. He knew that something like this was going to happen if he showed up. “Soon, buddy,” he lied, looking away from the toddler. He bit down on his lip, keeping his gaze in the other direction, even as Jack tried to pull his face back towards his.

Luckily, Grantaire didn’t have to deal with the awkwardness for much longer. “Okay, everyone, it is time for presents!” Enjolras called from the porch. Jack let out an excited squeal before beginning to squirm. Grantaire put him down, watching the boy sprint over to the pile of presents excitedly. He pulled himself up onto one of the chairs, bouncing up and down impatiently as he waited for everyone to make their way over to him.

Grantaire was the last person to reach the patio, and he stood on the outskirts of people uncomfortably, hoping against hope that he wouldn’t be noticed by anyone, especially Enjolras. Unfortunately for Grantaire, though, he couldn’t do anything _but_ notice Enjolras. He had to admit it, no Matter how unsure he was about this whole relationship thing, Enjolras looked _hot._ He was wearing a pair of tight jeans and a black tee shirt, with a red-and-orange button-down thrown over it to stay warm. He had added some gel to his normally-crazy curls, and pulled them back into a bun, high on the back of his head. Grantaire may have been straight, but Enjolras’s current style was always something that he had been intrigued by with other men.

Grantaire was so distracted by Enjolras’s appearance that he hardly took any notice of what Jack had received until it was time for him to open Grantaire’s present. Now, Grantaire’s nervousness had an actual reason to exist. He had had no idea of what to get Jack, and had hoped that the associate at the toy store was right when he said that robotic spiders were all the rage with boys of his age this year.

Jack looked up at Grantaire with a look of pure adoration as Enjolras handed him the present. This look of love changed to one of fear as soon as the paper began to come off, though. Once the spider on the box came into view, Jack let out a shriek before throwing the gift as far as he could, tears beginning to brim at his eyes.

Grantaire watched the scene unfold before his eyes with a growing feeling of horror. The worst part was, he had no idea what he had done wrong.

 

***

 

“So, how are the kids?”

Enjolras looked at Courfeyrac, his shoulders dropping. He shook his head. “They’re still out of sorts. They don’t know how they are supposed to feel.” He glanced down at his watch. Well, it was official. Grantaire was forty-five minutes late. He sighed.

“What’s wrong?”

“I guess Grantaire decided he isn’t going to bother showing up.” He pressed a hand against his eyes, rubbing them hard. “I don’t know how I am going to explain this to Jack.”

Courfeyrac looked over Enjolras’s shoulder. “Well, maybe you don’t need to.” He grabbed Enjolras’s hand and lowered it before pointing over his shoulder. “Look.”

Enjolras narrowed his eyes in confusion before turning around, his eyes widening when he saw Grantaire standing near the fence, with Jack in his arms. Jack had a huge smile on his face and his eyes were alight with joy. Grantaire, on the other hand, clearly did not share this joy. He was extremely rigid, and he was leaning as far away from Jack as he could. Even from across the yard, Enjolras could tell that all that Grantaire wanted to do was bolt. He needed to save him.

“All right, everyone, time for presents!” Enjolras called out, walking towards the patio. He glanced over at Grantaire and Jack to see that Jack had squirmed his way out of his Papa’s arms and had begun racing over to the presents. Grantaire looked incredibly relieved as he followed the boy over, stopping a few feet away from the patio so that he didn’t have to interact with any of the family members or friends that he did not remember.

Enjolras watched him with a feeling of sadness. Maybe it had been a bad idea to have Grantaire come to this. He clearly wasn’t sure how to react to anything, and had on the face that Enjolras recognized as the one he wore when he was incredibly frustrated with life.

Enjolras shook his head when he heard Jack begin to growl impatiently beside him. “Here you go, buddy,” he said, grabbing a gift off the top of the stack and holding it out. He glanced at the tag. “This one is from Uncle Milo, Aunt Eileen, and the girls.” He handed it to Jack.

Jack ripped the paper off the gift, his eyes growing wide when he saw that they had given him an informational book about dinosaurs, completely with large, glossy images of all the different species. He immediately opened the cover and began to look at the images, tuning out the rest of the party.

Enjolras tapped Jack on the head. “We can look at that later, Jack.” He reached for another present, only to be stopped be Allie.

“Wait, Dad! I want Jack to open mine, first.” She reached behind the stack and grabbed a poorly-wrapped gift. She looked at Enjolras with pleading eyes before breaking into a smile when he nodded. She walked over to her brother and handed him the gift, moving around behind him to hug him around the neck. “I made this for you at school, Jack.”

Jack glanced up and smiled at his sister before tearing into the present, letting out a squeal when he saw that she had made him a stuffed snapping turtle with two different sized eyes and a tail that took up more than half the length of the shell. He hugged it tightly before jumping up and hugging Allie. “Thank you, sissy!”

“You’re welcome. I love you, Jack.”

“I love you, too, sissy!” He hugged again before sitting back down in the chair, sitting cross-legged and tucking the turtle into the chair next to his leg. “Sit good, Al,” he instructed it, rubbing its head.

Enjolras chuckled. Of course Jack would name the animal after his sister. Enjolras reached into the stack and pulled out another gift. It was from Grantaire. He glanced over at Grantaire. The man had a look of apprehension on his face, and he had begun to worry his lip between his teeth as he waited for Jack to open it. “This is from Papa, sweetheart.”

Jack’s face lit up and he quickly ripped the paper off. When he saw the present, however, his look of joy turned to one of terror, and he tossed the gift as far to the side as he could. He turned and looked up at Enjolras, his lower lip quivering and big tears welling up in the corner of his eyes. Enjolras took one look at his son’s face and knew that he had to act quickly, before the memories of this party were tainted forever. He grabbed another gift and handed it to Jack, moving over and kicking the toy away from the boy as quickly as he could. “Here, Jack. This is from Aunt Colleen and Aunt Abbey.” He looked up, towards the guests. “Courfeyrac, if you could go and get the you-know-what for me?”

“Of course.” Courfeyrac left and went into the house. Enjolras turned and looked over his shoulder, at the gift that Grantaire had gotten him. His stomach dropped when he saw what it was: a robotic spider that could do flips and climb up walls. Jack had been petrified of spiders ever since Grantaire had let him watch that documentary with him about bird spiders when he was one-and-a-half. He looked back at Jack to see that the boy was still just sitting there, his eyes too glazed over to even look at the still-wrapped gift in his lap.

“Come on, buddy, open it up.”

Jack did what he was asked, and began to open the gift. Enjolras leaned over to Allie and asked her to start taking care of the presents before he turned back to look at Grantaire. The look of anxiety was long gone, but the look of hurt and shame that colored his eyes was far worse than anything Enjolras had ever seen.

He sighed, clenching his hand into a fist before going over to Grantaire. He tapped him on the shoulder. When Grantaire didn’t respond, Enjolras tried again, only this time, he reached out and grabbed Grantaire’s shoulder, rather than tap it.

Grantaire startled at the contact, his eyes shooting up to Enjolras. Enjolras gave him a tight-lipped smile, the regret and confusion in the other man's eyes making Enjolras's stomach twist. He squeezed Grantaire's shoulder, gesturing with his head towards the back corner of the yard. "Let's talk."

Grantaire hesitated for a moment before he sighed and pulled his eyes from Enjolras's gaze, tilting his head to stare back at the ground. He nodded. Enjolras relaxed his grip before turning and walking away, looking back only to make sure that Grantaire was following him.

When the men reached the corner, neither spoke for several seconds until Grantaire broke the silence with a shaky breath. "I'm sorry, “he said quietly, crossing his arms tightly over his stomach. "I didn't realize . . ." he trailed off, turning to stare back over at the gathering of people. He bit his lip before letting out another shaky breath.

"R, you didn't know. It's okay. It doesn't make Jack love you any less, and it won't ruin his party." Enjolras gestured over to where Jack was squealing at the pet turtle that Courfeyrac had so kindly wheeled out for Enjolras. "Look. I'm sure he's already forgotten about it." He turned back to Grantaire, giving him a small smile. "Now let's get back over there and celebrate our son's birthday, okay?"

When Grantaire nodded, Enjolras's smile grew. He turned and started walking back over, not realizing until he had reached the group that Grantaire had not followed him. He turned around to see where Grantaire was, only to realize that the man had left the party entirely.

He sighed, shaking his head and turning back towards the party. Jack would be so disappointed when he realized that Grantaire wasn’t there anymore. He would just have to make due, try and make this the best damn day that Jack ever had, regardless of his stupid Papa.

“Okay, who wants some cake?”

 

 

 

11

 

 

Grantaire glanced over his shoulder at the house, his stomach heavy. He was right, he didn’t need to have anything to do with Enjolras and his children. Hell, if all he did was hurt them, why did Enjolras even want him around? He probably wasn’t even that good of a dad in the first place. Sure, Jack seemed beyond excited to see him (at first), and he _had_ desperately tried to latch on to Grantaire at the grocery store, but that was just because he was familiar. It didn’t have anything to do with his parenting abilities.

Besides, Grantaire had never wanted kids. He hated them. They were smelly, they talked too much, and they made it impossible for a person to have a good time. He especially hated kids under the age of seven. He didn’t know why they were more tolerable after seven, but they just were.

Enjolras, though, he was obviously a natural. The way he handled Jack and Allie seemed to work so well. He clearly had everything figured out. Grantaire clearly did not. Hell, he had made Jack _terrified,_ for Christ’s sake! What type of parent did that?!

The way that he had felt when he saw Enjolras, though . . . No. Grantaire wasn’t going to go down that path. Any thoughts or feelings that he had experienced when seeing Enjolras in those tight jeans and that shirt was just residual from before. It didn’t Matter now. Grantaire was back on his own, and any romance that the two had once shared was long gone. Besides, even _if_ Grantaire admitted to himself that what he felt, felt a lot like attraction, he had messed up way too much in the last few days for there to be any chance of them working out.

Shaking his head, Grantaire got into his car and drove, not noticing where he was going until he had pulled into the parking lot of the old liquor store he used to frequent when he was still in college. He walked into the store and grabbed a basket, going down through the vodka section and randomly grabbing bottles. He didn’t care what it was that he drank, as long as it succeeded in getting him drunk enough to forget about this whole incident.

Next, Grantaire went to the single aisle of junk food, grabbing jellybeans and chips before heading to the checkout. There was a young Goth woman standing there, throwing candy bars from the box on her register to the shelves across the way. She sighed when she saw that she had a customer, and moved the box to ring Grantaire out.

Grantaire drove home and carried the bags into his living room, the clanking sound of the bottles giving him a warm feeling in his belly. He set the drinks and the snacks on the tables. He then went back into the kitchen and grabbed a glass, putting it on the table with a bottle of tea before going up to his room, where he switched from his jeans to a pair of fuzzy sweats and a worn pair of red slippers that he remembered getting his freshman year of college.

Once Grantaire got back downstairs, he went to the film cabinet. He began to skim across the titles, searching until he found something interesting. Very few of the titles looked familiar, so he had no idea what type of movie each was. By the time he reached the bottom of the cabinet, though, he had finally stumbled across what seemed like his type of movie: _The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug._ The _Lord of the Rings_ series was one of the only things that he had ever actually read through and enjoyed and, if this was anything like the prequel to the series, he would love this.

He started to pull the film out, only for it to get stuck on another DVD that was in a sleeve behind it. Grantaire pulled harder. Finally, it popped free, but the brightly-colored disk in back caught his attention. He looked back down to _The Hobbit,_ studying the cover before putting it in the ground beside him. He reached back into the cabinet and grabbed the unknown movie.

Grantaire pulled the disc out of the envelope and went out to the television, hitting the “eject” button of the DVD player and inserted the disc. He flipped on the television to the correct input as he waited to see what the movie was. When the menu bottom loaded, Grantaire saw that this was a home movie that spanned from 2005 to 2007.

He had always enjoyed home movies, although now, he could use them as a tool: he could watch them and see for certain that he was not as good of a father or a husband as Enjolras had thought him to be.

 

***

 

Several hours later, Grantaire had gone through three more disks of home videos, and he _still_ did not have the proof that he knew existed. In fact, the opposite seemed true. There seemed to be so many good times, and very little bad times. He knew that this was taken from his parents’ perspective, and there could always be things going on behind the scenes at home, but arguments and bad fights always seemed to follow him to his parents house. In the films, though, this didn’t seem to be the case.

Grantaire was not happy with this new revelation. He had taken the news of getting engaged to Enjolras, getting married, adopting Allie, adopting Jack, and announcing that they had found a surrogate for their third child with a glass-full of booze. He took the view of their first house, and their first Christmas together with a shot. By the end of the films, he could most definitely say that he was intoxicated. He wasn’t as bad off as he would get in college, but he definitely wasn’t just buzzed, either.

No Matter how much booze Grantaire had had, though, it couldn’t stop the feelings of anger that came along with seeing how happy he had been. He couldn’t lie to himself any longer: he was fucking _miserable_ without his memories. He couldn’t go anywhere without feeling confused or seeing someone who claimed to know him, and he couldn’t have a nice conversation with his parents or his sister without seeing the looks of sadness and regret that they sent him when they thought that he wasn’t looking.

 _Fuck that douche bag_ , Grantaire thought, deciding that his anger was better directed at Enjolras than it was at himself. He didn’t have any control over how he felt, or what he did or did not remember, but he _could_ blame Enjolras for all the confusion he was feeling over his feelings! If Enjolras had never come to him in the hospital, or tried to get him to make nice with Jack and Allie, Grantaire would be able to get on with his life and make a new start. Hell, maybe he would have even gotten laid by now!

Grantaire rushed back up to his room and grabbed the spare key he had thrown on his desk. Vaguely, he remembered being taught some bullshit about how drinking and driving was a bad idea, but right now, he didn’t care. He just needed to get back at Enjolras for whatever the fuck he did to make him feel so much.

Grantaire pulled out into the street and sped off, doing his best to avoid hitting other cars in his irritation and intoxication. He spun around corners, darted through stop signs and ignored traffic lights until he had pulled into Enjolras’s driveway. He slammed the car door and ran to the storm door, pulling it back and banging against the wood. When there was no response, he starting to hit it harder. “Enjolras, open the God-damn door!” He leaned over and spat on the bushes next to the porch, glaring at the wood and flattening his palm before banging on it again.

Enjolras opened the door, his eyes widening and his shoulders slumping when he saw the state that Grantaire was in. “What do you want?”

“You’re an asshole, you know that?”

Enjolras raised his eyebrows and glanced back into the house before stepping down onto the porch and shutting the door behind him. “Grantaire, you’re drunk. Go away.”

Grantaire laughed, clapping his hands together. “Ha, you’re funny. Fuck that, I’m not leaving until you tell me what the fuck you did to me.”

“R, walk are you talking about?”

“You know what you did.”

Neighbors began to come outside to see what all the screaming was about. Enjolras looked at the house across the street before looking back at Grantaire and sighing. “If you aren’t going to leave then I guess you should come inside.” He opened the door and stepped back. He held it open for Grantaire. “Go into the kitchen. I am going to make sure that Allie and Jack are okay, and then I will come back down.”

Grantaire rolled his eyes and walked into the kitchen. He yanked open the fridge in search of another beer or any other liquor. There was none. He slammed it shut before opening the freezer and grabbing the first thing that he saw: a King Cone. He pulled it out and started to eat it, collapsing down into one of the dining chairs and glaring impatiently as the door as he waited for Enjolras to get downstairs.

Finally, Enjolras showed up. He sat in the chair opposite Grantaire and let out a breath. “Okay, now, what did you want?”

“You’re a fucking prick, you know that? I was perfectly happy living in my drug-induced haze and fucking whoever I liked, whenever I liked.” He broke off a piece of the cone and threw it at Enjolras. “Now I don’t crave any of my top shit, and I don’t even know what happened to make me stop. I can’t even watch a home video without wondering who the fuck the man on the screen is.” He leaned over and spat on the table, narrowing his eyes further when Enjolras opened his mouth to berate him for his actions. “I’m fucking miserable and its all your fault, you assh—”

“I didn’t do anything to you,” Enjolras interrupted, getting up and grabbing a washcloth to wipe off the table. Grantaire did it again. Enjolras made a face before wiping it off again. “Look, Grantaire, it’s not my fault that you aren’t happy, and it isn’t my fault that our life together isn’t your idea of a dream come true.” He shook his head. “You didn’t answer my question. Why are you here? You could be starting over somewhere else, finding someone new and starting a family with them.  Why come to Jack’s party, and then back here, if you want nothing to do with any of this?”

Grantaire kept his eyes narrowed at Enjolras. The more he took in Enjolras’s words, though, the more the anger seeped out of him. Enjolras was right. It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t do anything wrong. Hell, if what Grantaire had seen in those videos was true, Enjolras was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

 He still wasn’t completely convinced, though. Yes, the echo of his old feelings were there, and he felt guilty about how much he was hurting Allie and Jack, but it still just didn’t seem right to him. “I don’t know, all right? I don’t know why I keep coming back. None of this makes sense.”

 “Give us an actual chance, then! Stop acting like the victim and like we ruined your life.” He pulled out the chair next to Grantaire and sat down, leaning against his forearm. “You’re so desperate to push us away, but maybe we are exactly what you need.”

Grantaire shook his head. “I just don’t know.”

Enjolras deflated. “R . . . just let me try something. If you feel nothing, then you can leave, and I won’t bring up me and you again. But if there is even the slightest chance that this could make you happy, stay. Come home to your children, and live a life with me.”

Grantaire nodded, his stomach twisting into knots. He knew what was coming. He clenched his fists and took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he waited for Enjolras to lean in.

When Enjolras finally did, Grantaire didn’t have the reaction that he expected. He thought that it would make him feel sick, would make him want to run more. However, the only thing running was Grantaire’s pulse. He felt himself go lightheaded, and his heart raced as all of his blood ran south. His head was spinning, and the desire to reach out and pull Enjolras closer was almost overwhelming.

Surprisingly, it was Enjolras who pulled away before Grantaire had a chance to kiss him back. “Anything?” he asked, leaning his forehead against Grantaire’s.

Grantaire took a deep breath. “I need to think about this, Enjolras. I’m even more confused now than I was before. I don’t know what to do.”

Enjolras nodded, kissing Grantaire on the forehead cautiously before leaning back into his chair. “All right. I understand.” He straightened his bag. “Tell you what, how about you spend tonight thinking about it, and tomorrow, if you want to talk more about this, you can meet me for breakfast. I’ll text you where in the morning. If you want us to stay away, and you truly want nothing to do with this family, don’t bother showing up. It’s your decision.”

Grantaire didn’t say anything else, simply standing up and going out to his car.

As he sat in the driver seat, only one thought came to mind: _what am I going to do?_

 

 

 

12

 

Enjolras jolted awake, his phone alerting him to a new message. He groaned, sitting up and rubbing his eyes sleepily. He had been up most of the night, his mind running rampant with thoughts of what the conversation would be like. Would Grantaire be excited about coming home? Or would he think of it as a last-ditch chance of happiness?

Enjolras shook his head. He would know soon enough. He unlocked his phone, messing around with it for a few moments before going to his unread messages. _I figured you needed a morning of peace and quiet, so I picked up Allie and Jack earlier this morning. If you are already up, hope you got the note I left on the counter and didn't freak out too much. Just let me know when you want them home :). Colleen._

Enjolras smiled at the phone. Grantaire's sister was such a sweetheart. She always knew exactly what the people around her needed, and never hesitated to help out without being asked. He was glad that his kids had a mother-figure like her to look up to.

Enjolras sent her a text thanking her before putting his phone down onto the bed next him and lying back, staring at the ceiling. He needed to make a decision about Grantaire. Obviously he was going to tell the man a time and a place to meet, but what was the next step if Grantaire didn't show up? Did Enjolras just forget about him, act as though his children had lost their other father to death? Did he try to move on, or did he hold out hope that someday Grantaire would get his memories back and return to him?

He rubbed his eyes, deciding just to bite the bullet and send Grantaire a text, set to a time for two hours later. Once that was done, he set his phone on the bedside table and stood up. He went into the bathroom and turned the water up as hot as he could stand, then got in, letting the steamy heat wash over him and soothe his tense muscles. He decided that a long shower was needed to help calm his nerves, rather than his typical in-and-out styled shower.

Nearly an hour later, Enjolras stepped back into the chilly bathroom air. He shivered, pulling his towel tighter around himself before stepping into his bedroom. He hurried to the closet, pulling out a pair of jeans, a dark tee shirt, and a green army jacket without really paying much attention to what he was grabbing. Now comfortably warm, Enjolras went back into the bathroom and brushed his hair, smoothing it into a ponytail.

Once he was completely ready, he came out of the bathroom and walked over to his phone, cautiously turning on the screen. He let out a sigh of disappointment when he saw that he still didn’t have any messages back from Grantaire. _That doesn’t mean that he won’t be there,_ Enjolras reminded himself, sliding the phone into his pocket and going out to the car. If he left now, he would get to the diner right on time, if not a few minutes early.

Enjolras could barely focus as he drove, his mind racing back and forth across the memories he and Grantaire had built together. He thought about their first date, their first kiss, the first time they made love. Their first fight. That time when they almost broke up, when some hussy kissed Grantaire in a bar and Grantaire got hard. The makeup sex.

Ugh, the sex . . . Enjolras had never thought of sex as something he seriously needed until it wasn't available to him anymore. When he was in his early twenties, it just seemed so mundane to try and find another person to sleep with. When he and Grantaire got together though . . . Enjolras knew what everyone talked about when they said sex was amazing.

Before he knew it, Enjolras was locking his car and walking towards the door. He felt his palms begin to sweat as he entered the diner. He was trying so hard not to get his hopes up, but what could he do? There was a chance that the love of his life wanted to come home and be a family again. From Enjolras’s standpoint, it was nearly impossible _not_ to get his hopes up.

He smiled at the hostess before following her back to a table, sliding into the booth and ordering a large hot chocolate before telling the waitress that he was waiting for someone else and would wait to order his meal. Once she walked away, he glanced down at his phone, his stomach sinking as he saw that it was now 11:30, the same time that he had told Grantaire to meet him. _Maybe he’s just running late,_ he thought to himself, taking a sip of his beverage. He let the sweet velvety taste coat his taste buds before swallowing. He reached forward and grabbed a newspaper off the corner of the table and began to skim through it.

He had read through an article and a half when he finally gained the courage to look back at his watch. It was getting harder to deny that Grantaire wasn’t running late, he simply wasn’t coming. Enjolras swallowed around the lump in his throat and looked up, his eyes almost immediately latching on to a couple in the corner of the room. It was a young gay couple, their eyes locked on one another and their faces filled with love. They had their fingers latched across the table. They acted as if they were the only people in the world.

Enjolras remembered being like that. He and Grantaire had been so in love, so desperate to have one another all the time that they barely spent their first year as a couple apart. Grantaire had stayed at Enjolras’s apartment night after night for the first six months, after which Grantaire just went ahead and moved in. Enjolras didn’t mind. He had been crazy about Grantaire for so long before they had gotten together, finally having him in his bed night after night was the best thing that could have ever happened to him.

This, though, this would have to count as one of the worst. It bypassed the death of his first dog, Booger, and when he was rejected from his first-choice college. It definitely was worse than when Grantaire and Enjolras lost the child they were planning on adopting when the birthmother realized they were a gay couple. At least then they had each other.

Enjolras couldn’t help the surge of anger that rushed through his veins. Dammit, he had thought that after last night, Grantaire would see the light and realize that he needed Enjolras and the kids just as much as they needed him, but no, clearly he still saw himself as being too far above Enjolras to ever want a life with the likes of him. How the hell was that fair? They had been through so much. They shouldn’t be able to be pulled apart by something so insignificant as a car accident.

God, who was he kidding? There was _nothing_ insignificant about Grantaire’s car crash. If he had just suffered a broken leg or some broken ribs, that would be one thing, but not to lose his entire memory. No, it was obvious that it was more than enough to end everything. Enjolras had always thought that Grantaire and he were soul mates, that they were meant to be together forever and that they would always be drawn to one another, no Matter the circumstance. Obviously, he was wrong. They had found each other by chance, not by fate.

Enjolras blinked back tears as he pulled out enough money from his wallet to cover his drinks, as well as a tip. He gestured to the waitress before setting the bills down, sliding them under the edge of his mug before getting up and walking out of the restaurant, the lump in his throat growing and making him feel as though he could barely breathe the more that the anger faded away.

He had to get himself together. Yes, the wound was still _extremely_ raw, especially after the verbal beating that he had gotten from Grantaire the night before, but he wasn’t any use to his kids being so broken and downtrodden all the time. They needed him to be strong, to show them that things would be okay, whether Grantaire was there or not. They would be a family of their own, no Matter what.

Enjolras swallowed thickly and pulled out his phone, forcing his emotions down as he called Colleen. She picked up on the second ring, evidently awaiting Enjolras’s call. “Hello?”

“Hey, Colleen. Are the kids being good?”

“Of course they are, Enjolras.” In the background, Enjolras could hear Jack asking if she was talking to Enjolras. She told him that she was before turning back to the phone. “Hey, are you home still? Jack and Allie are being perfect angels, and I would love to keep them all day, but Jack has done nothing but ask for you for the last hour and a half or so. I think he’s still pretty shaken up from Grantaire’s gift at his party yesterday.”

Enjolras ran a hand through his hair. “I’m not home right now, but I can be home in about ten minutes, if you just want to meet me there.”

“Are you sure? If you need more time to yourself, I am more than happy to keep them a while longer. Abbey wants me to do the grocery shopping in the next hour or so, so that she can cook dinner before we go and talk to our donor, but I can take Allie and Jack with me to the store.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll see you soon.” He hung up the phone, dropping it back down onto his lap and starting the car.

Just as when he was driving to the diner, Enjolras reached his destination without even realizing that he had started to drive. This time, though, his mind was completely blank, as opposed to being filled with memories and happiness.

Colleen’s car was not in the driveway yet, so Enjolras made his way into the house, making sure to leave the front door unlocked, before going in to the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of soda. He took a sip, grimacing as the carbonation fizzled and bubbled up his nose. He shook the feeling away and walked into the living room, flipping on the television and moving towards the sofa.

Enjolras had barely sat down when the door was thrown open, and a loud cry of “Daddy!” echoed through the front hall. He looked up to see Jack darting towards him, a big smile on his face as he held out the bags in his hands. “Daddy! Look what Aunt Colleen got me!”

The boy jumped onto the couch and excitedly began to pull items out as Enjolras searched for Colleen and Allie. They entered through the door a moment later, talking about what Colleen and Abbey were going to name their baby, if it was a girl (Allie suggested it being named after herself). The conversation ended once they reached the living room, though. Allie gave Colleen a hug and, after coming over and kissing Enjolras on the cheek, went down the hall into her room. Colleen walked over and greeted Enjolras the same way that Allie had and ruffled Jack’s hair before she, too, left Jack and Enjolras alone.

Enjolras turned back to Jack, who had spread his goodies all over the table. “What is all this stuff, Jacky-boy?” Enjolras asked, eyeing the different items warily. _Great. More things to try to keep organized with an energetic toddler around._ He pulled the boy onto his lap

Jack began to point to things excitedly, squirming around as he tried to get comfortable. “Food and things for Tally!” He reached down and grabbed a bag of sod pellets. He struggled to lift them but, eventually, he held them up inches away from Enjolras’s face. “Look! Ground!”

Enjolras pretended to be confused by the name, although he had to admit, he found it rather endearing this his son had named his pet turtle after the stuffed turtle that Grantaire and Enjolras had gotten him the day that the adoption was made official. “But why does Tally need food? I thought that you were doing a good job taking care of him with the kitchen set that Papa and I got you.”

Jack shook his head, reaching forward to grab the jar of turtle food. He held it up close to Enjolras’s face. “Not for Tally-Tally, Daddy, but for Turtle-Tally! _Real_ Tally!”

Enjolras nodded. “ _Oh_ , that’s right. I forgot that you were a big, responsible kid now with a pet, not just my baby boy.”

Jack nuzzled his head into Enjolras’s chest, reaching his arms out and hugging him. “I’m still your baby, daddy.” He looked up through his lashes when Enjolras snorted at the phrasing, his lip beginning to stick out in a pout. “Why you laughing? Not your baby no more like Papa?” His lip began to tremble as he looked up at Enjolras pleadingly.

Enjolras’s eyes grew wide and he pulled Jack tighter. “Oh, sweetheart, you will always be my baby. No Matter how old you get, or whatever happens, you will always be mine.” _I just wish that Grantaire felt the same way._ He swallowed thickly before shaking the thought away. He kissed Jack on the head before lifting the boy’s chin. “What do you say we watch a movie, huh? Just you and me?”

Jack nodded excitedly. Enjolras kissed him on the temple before sliding him off his lap, standing up to go and find the remote. When he stood, however, he began to see black spots in the corners of his vision. He blinked several times until his vision was clear once again.

Shaking his head, he went to the table in the hall and grabbed the remote. When he had flipped the television on, and was just about to sit back down with Jack, the spots returned, filling Enjolras’s vision quicker than he was able to stop.

It had only taken a few more moments before everything went black.

 

***

 

After Grantaire got home from Enjolras’s house, he threw his keys on the entry way table and went up to his room, collapsing into his bed almost immediately. No Matter how tired he was, though, he couldn’t fall asleep, and spent several hours just staring at the ceiling, running through the pros and cons of moving back in with Enjolras and the kids.

When he awoke the next morning, it was to his phone ringing. He jolted awake in a panic, his heart beginning to race as he saw the bright afternoon light streaming in through his window. He glanced at his alarm clock before grabbing the phone, his eyes wide. “Enjolras, I am so sorry, I promise I meant to—”

“Papa?”

Grantaire stopped short, his apology dying on his tongue as he heard Allie speak. “Allie? What’s wrong?” The only answer Grantaire got was a loud sob as Allie began to cry. A bad feeling filled Grantaire’s gut. He took a deep breath to calm himself down before saying, “Allie, tell me what’s wrong.”

Allie began to cry harder. “Papa, Dad must have forgotten to take his medicine, because he is laying on the ground shaking and won’t wake up.” She fought to keep her voice even. Grantaire listened to her breathing, the feeling in his stomach growing worse and worse as the feeling of getting a memory overwhelmed his mind. “Jack is screaming, Papa. He’s so scared and I don’t know what to do.”

“Allie, I want you to get the house phone and call nine-one-one. Tell them that Daddy had a seizure and that he isn’t waking up.” Grantaire reached over and clenched the sheet before spinning up, putting his feet on the ground and standing up. He moved towards the closet and pulled on a pair of jeans, listening intently as Allie did as she was asked. By the time that she was off the phone with the dispatcher, Grantaire was running out his front door and starting his car. “What is Daddy doing now?”

Allie was quiet for a moment before answering. “He stopped shaking, but he’s still just lying there.” Her voice dropped down to a whisper. “Please come home, Papa.”

“I’m on my way,” Grantaire assured her, backing out onto the street and beginning to drive. “Stay on the line with me until I get close. I will be right there.”

 

 

 

 

13

 

Grantaire put his phone on speaker and dropped it onto his lap. He figured that if he was going to be racing through the streets, he at least could keep both hands on the wheel. He listened to the sound of Allie’s sniffling for several tense minutes before he realized that there was another sound in the background: Jack’s terrified sobs. “Allie, hand Jack the phone, please."

“Okay.” The phone went quiet for a moment before Allie whispered, “Jack, Papa wants to talk to you.”

Jack’s crying grew louder as he took the phone and held it up to his ear. “Daddy sick?”

“Daddy is fine, buddy. He is just sleeping.” Grantaire scrambled to think of something to say, other than to lie. What would he have done in a situation like this before? It couldn’t have been the first time that Enjolras had had a seizure in front of the kids, if Allie knew enough about it to know that it was caused by him forgetting to take his medicine. “He just—you know how you sometimes have bad dreams, and you shake when you wake up?”

Jack sniffed. “Uh-huh.”

“Daddy is just having a bad dream.” He pulled into the neighborhood. “Buddy, I am hanging up. I will be home soon.” He clicked the “end call” button and threw the phone down into the passenger seat.

Grantaire swerved into the driveway. He threw open the door and ran into the house, thankful to see that Enjolras was not shaking any longer. Allie had covered him up a blanket, and had lifted his head and neck onto a dark red pillow. When Grantaire first saw her, she was sitting on the couch, her back straight and her lips pursed. She was wringing her fingers in her lap, and was staring blankly at the wall. Jack was sitting on the floor next to Enjolras, holding tightly onto his father’s shoulder. He looked up when the front door opened, his cheeks coated with tears and his teeth digging into his lower lip. When he saw that it was his Papa, he shot up and ran over to Grantaire and held his arms up. Grantaire took the hint and picked him up, holding him close as he went over and sat next to Allie.

Grantaire had just begun to try and comfort Allie when they heard the ambulance pull up. Three paramedics ran in, two immediately going to work on checking Enjolras’s vitals and getting him prepped for the ambulance ride while the other looked at Grantaire.

“Hello, sir,” he said, giving Grantaire a curt nod. “Can you tell me the patient’s name, as well as what happened?”

“His name is Enjolras Herman. He is 32 years old, and he has epilepsy. I believe that my daughter saw him have a grand mal seizure. I just got home, and I found Enjolras like this.”

Allie glanced over at Grantaire, her eyes wide and confused as she listened to him call her his daughter. When she saw the medic looking, though, she looked back at the wall. Grantaire leaned over and kissed her on the head before pulling her closer and hugging her.

The medic couldn’t have cared less about whatever it was the Allie felt. He just wanted to make sure that Enjolras would come through this all right. He cleared his throat and waved his hand in front of Allie’s eyes, needing her attention to be back on him. “Is Mr. Herman medicated?”

Grantaire looked at Allie. Yes, he knew that Enjolras was on medicine, but it had never been a big thing to him . . . there was on time, when Enjolras was his RA, that there was a meeting about Enjolras’s condition, but that’s all he ever heard about it. Allie would have a much better idea. “Allie, can you answer the man’s question, please?” He turned back to the medic. “I’m sorry, I’ve been away for a while. She knows her dad’s routines better than I do."

The medic narrowed his eyes. “I thought you said that she was your daughter?”

Allie cut in to the conversation. “I’m _both_ of their daughters. They’re married, and they are better parents than I would have had if I had had a mom and a dad.” She glared at the medic. The anger in her expression surprised Grantaire, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized that this probably was not the first time she had to deal with questions about her having two dads.

The medic held up his hands in defense. “Miss, it doesn’t Matter to me what type of parents you have. I just need to know what medicine Mr. Herman is on so that he can be properly cared for.”

Allie’s hardened expression didn’t fade as she answered. “His pills are next to his and Papa’s bed, in the drawer.”

The medic nodded. He signaled for one of the other medics to go and get the medicine. “Can you describe what you saw?”

“He was shaking, and wasn’t waking up.” Allie shook her head and let out a heavy breath. “I will get Dad’s medicine for you. No one is allowed in Dad’s room but him, Papa, Jack, and me.” She shrugged Grantaire’s arm off and left the room as quickly as she possibly could, cutting off the second medic and giving him a glare of his own as she raced up the steps. Grantaire watched her go, a feeling of dread in his stomach. Allie leaving the room was a bad thing. What if the medics asked Grantaire more questions that he didn’t know the answer to?

Fortunately, the only other thing the medic needed to know was whether Grantaire wanted to ride in the ambulance with his husband, or if he would follow behind with the kids. He took the second option. Allie returned down the stairs a moment later, holding an orange and white pill bottle, Jack’s jacket, and Jack’s shoes. She handed the bottle to the medic before coming over to Grantaire and handing him Jack’s jacket. The shoes, however, she took into her own hands, and slid them onto Jack’s feet before running down the hall and grabbing her things.

When she returned, Grantaire led Allie out to Enjolras’s car, Jack still wrapped tightly in his arms and the keys off the end table in his hand. Allie got into the front passenger seat while Grantaire struggled to get Jack into his car seat. “Buddy, I need you to let go so we can follow the ambulance,” he said, hooking his fingers around Jack’s and prying them off his shoulder. Jack let out a scream and tried to grab back on. Grantaire tried again, this time darting his head when Jack tried to latch back on. Jack began to cry, but Grantaire ignored him. He clicked the belt and pulled away.

Grantaire walked to the other side of the car as quickly as he could, jumping into the driver’s seat right as the ambulance began to pull away. The car ride to the hospital was silent, other than the sound of Jack hiccupping in the back seat, his breath coming out in occasional sobs as he tried and failed to reach out to his Papa. Eventually, Allie reached her hand back and placed it on the boy’s knee, which quieted him down for a few minutes, but it was obvious to Grantaire just how terrified Jack still was.

“It’ll be okay, Jack,” Allie said, turning around in her seat and giving him an encouraging smile. To Grantaire, it was obvious that it was fake, but to Jack, it served to help with his mood.

By the time the trio reached the parking lot, Jack’s tears had finally stopped. Allie’s, however, had just begun. She tried her best to hide it, and managed to stop crying rather quickly, her mask sliding back into face.

Grantaire pulled out into a parking spot. He climbed out and unbuckled Jack, pulling him out and into his arms once again. Jack reached out and grabbed Tally, his stuffed turtle, from the seat next to him. In the waiting room of the emergency room, there were two dozen people waiting. Allie took Jack from Grantaire and sat down on the last vacant plastic chair, pulling Jack onto her lap. She grabbed a picture book off an end table and began to read to him. The boy hugged his turtle close, kissing it on the head as he looked up around the room through his lashes.

Grantaire stared at them for a moment, his chest aching as he stared at the anxiety on his children’s faces. Enjolras was right, they did need him. He had been far too selfish since the accident, thinking only for himself. It was a good thing that he had decided to come home.

Grantaire shook his head before making his way to the front desk. “Hi,” he greeted the nurse sitting there. She looked up from her pile of files, her exasperated eyes glancing around the room before settling back on him.

“Can I help you?”

“My . . .” Grantaire trailed off. He cleared his throat before trying again. “My husband was brought in a few minutes ago for a seizure?”

The nurse glanced down at her files before nodding. “Yeah, I can see that.” She looked back up. “Take a seat and we will call you back when we have your husband stabilized. He’s on the top of the list to be seen, so it shouldn’t take very long.” She gave him a warm smile before looking back down at the paperwork, her smile dropping and her breath coming out in a huff again as she scanned the list.

“Thank you.” He gave the woman a tight-lipped smile before going over to stand by Allie and Jack. He began to card his fingers lightly through the girl’s hair as she continued to read, his own eyes staring idly at the double doors leading to the interior of the hospital. Idly, he wondered if this was how Enjolras felt when Grantaire was in the hospital: scared, worried for his children, and not entirely sure of what it was that he was supposed to feel.

Twenty minutes later, they were able to go back. “Family of Enjolras Herman?” a voice called. Grantaire glanced over to see the same nurse from behind the window standing at the door, the clipboard in her hand flipped so that the informational page was hanging loosely over the top.

Allie adjusted Jack in her arms before standing, leading the way towards the nurse. Grantaire followed close behind. He gave the nurse a slight nod before she spun around and took the family back to the room. Once they were there, she opened the door and let them in, stopping Grantaire before he stepped in. “He’s stable, and he should wake up anytime now. If you need anything, hit the nurse call button.” She sighed. “We are so backed up, though, I can’t guarantee that it will be a quick response.”

Grantaire nodded. “Thank you.” He gave the nurse another nod before walking into the room, his stomach dropping once again as he saw just how pale Enjolras had gotten. He was hooked up to an IV, and had on a heart rate monitor. He was wearing his own clothes, but it was clear to Grantaire that Enjolras had lost some of his coloring during the few minutes that they were apart.

Allie took a seat next to the bed, and leaned forward, her chin on her hands. Jack, on the other hand, was taking advantage of his father’s thin frame, and had climbed into the bed. He buried his face in the crook of Enjolras’s neck, and moved his stuffed turtle beneath Enjolras’s hand so that the man was cradling it against his chest.

For several minutes, the only sound in the room was the beeping of Enjolras’s heart monitor. When he woke up, however, all that Grantaire could hear was the whirling of blood rushing to his ears as Enjolras narrowed his eyes at him and asked, “Who are you?”

 

 

 

 

14

 

“Who are you?” Enjolras looked around the room and blinked slowly, his brows narrowing as he struggled to make sense of his surroundings. He looked back and forth between the machines and his children, the look of confusion turning to one of fear as Jack perched precariously on Enjolras's thighs, a playful look flashing across his eyes. Allie grabbed him from under the arms and pulled him off the bed before he could do any damage. Enjolras shot Allie a grateful smile before turning back to Grantaire. “Where am I?”

Grantaire swallowed thickly. He opened his mouth to answer but, when he tried to speak,  the only thing that came out was a strangled gargle. He cleared his throat before trying again, his words getting caught as Enjolras turned his head and looked at his children as if he had never seen them before. Allie must have realized (and been startled by)the same thing, as her eyes widened and she loosened her grip enough on Jack to let him escape back to Enjolras's side.

Grantaire’s stomach dropped as he watched Enjolras’s look of confusion turn to one of irritation as Jack hugged him tighter. Enjolras was looking at Jack as though he had never seen him before in his life. _This must be what all this feels like to Enjolras,_ he realized, biting down on his lip as he began to feel guilty. He cleared his throat and stepped towards the bed. “You’re in the hospital, Enjolras. Don’t you remember me?”

Allie reached over from the chair and grabbed Grantaire’s hand. “Papa, Dad always has trouble recognizing anyone or anything when he first wakes up from a seizure.”

Her trembling voice and glassy eyes made Grantaire wonder if this was the truth. She looked just as scared as he felt, but he had never had to deal with this sort of situation before, while she had. Then again, she was just a child. She had every right to be scared.

Grantaire watched Allie again for a moment longer. The longer he stared, the more okay she seemed to be. He looked back at the bed to see that Enjolras had accepted Jack’s affection and had leaned back against the pillows, carding his fingers through Jack’s curls. Grantaire reached out and curled  his fingers around Enjolras's wrist. “How are you feeling?”

Enjolras lifted his head, letting his chin rest against his chest. He slowly brought his eyes to Grantaire, the electric blue fading to a steely gray as exhaustion began to overwhelm him.“I am so tired. And my arm hurts a lot.” He yawned as if to prove his point, his eyelids starting to fall shut as he spoke.

Grantaire looked over at Allie in panic, hoping that this was normal, and not a sign that something worse was going on deep in Enjolras's brain. Hell, Allie did say that he fell, didn't she? Maybe he had hit his head too hard, done the same thing that Grantaire had. Would Jack and Allie be okay without either of their parents?

Allie was quick to dispel Grantaire's fears. “Dad always falls back asleep when we’re here.” She sat up straighter in her chair, crossing her legs beneath herself. She pulled out her phone and opened a game, her concern for her father's wellbeing dissipating as things went back to what she perceived as normal.

Sure enough, within a few minutes Enjolras was out cold. Grantaire let out a sigh of relief as a nurse came in and checked Enjolras's vitals, declaring that he was perfectly fine. Once she left, and it was obvious that Enjolras would not wake up for some time, Jack started poking at Enjolras’s side, saying, “Have good dreams, Daddy," as he rested his head against Enjolras's chest.

Grantaire watched Jack snuggle, thoughts running through his head. He needed to talk to Enjolras alone. Yes, he knew that coming home would mean very little privacy (he had friends in college with kids, he knew how conversations worked), but this was one discussion the kids were better off not hearing. Grantaire not showing up at the diner was an accident, but would Enjolras see it that way? Or would he be too angry at Grantaire or too hurt to let him come home?

Grantaire reached out and ruffled Jack’s, his eyes drifting over to Enjolras again. He leaned forward and brushed a curl that had fallen from Enjolras's bun away from his forehead before turning to Allie. “Can you watch your brother for a minute?”

Allie dropped her phone onto the table attached to the bed. "Sure." She reached out and pulled Jack onto her lap, trying to get the boy to stop poking at Enjolras’s face. He pouted before moving his hand to start poking Allie instead. Allie rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone, opening Netflix and turning on _Dinosaurs_ to entertain Jack with.

Grantaire stepped out into the hallway, pulling out his own phone. He opened his contact list and scrolled through, trying to think of anyone who wouldn’t be at work who could come and pick up the kids. However, the longer that he stared at the phone, the more that he realized that he really didn’t know anyone’s work schedule well enough. He decided just to call Combeferre, in hopes that maybe, just maybe, he didn't work Sundays.

Luckily for Grantaire, Combeferre answered on the second ring. “Hello?”

"Hey, Combeferre. What are you doing?”

“I’m just sitting at home with Ashleigh and the baby, bored out my mind. Ashleigh just got Lily to sleep, so I can’t turn on the television or anything. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter, but I'm so fucking bored."

“Can you do me a favor then?”

“What’s up?”

Grantaire glanced through the window that led from the hallway into the room to make sure that Jack and Allie were all right before answering. “Enjolras had a seizure, and we are waiting in the hospital for him to wake up. I need to talk to him once he does, though, so do you think you could come up here in a little bit and take the kids for an hour or so? You can just take them to the park or something, they aren't picky."

“As long as it gets me out of the house, I will do anything. I’ll be there in fifteen.”

“Thank you.” Grantaire hung up the phone and went back into the room. Jack and Allie were still engrossed in their show, and didn't even look up. Grantaire sat down in the chair on the other side of the bed, staring at the kids for a moment before letting his eyes wander back over to Enjolras. He watched the man’s chest rise and fall until he felt sure that Enjolras was going to be all right. _Moving back home is definitely the right decision,_ Grantaire thought, realizing that the worry he felt in the pit of his stomach was much stronger than anything that he had ever felt for any other person in his life.

Shaking his head, Grantaire looked down at his phone. He fiddled with it until there was knocking on the door. Jack, Allie, and Grantaire all looked over to see Combeferre walking in. “Uncle Combeferre!” Jack screamed, jumping down off Allie’s lap and running over to Combeferre to give him a hug.

Combeferre picked Jack up and swung him around. “Hello, Jacky-boy! How would you like to come to my house and play with baby Lily?”

Jack’s face lit up and he turned to Grantaire excitedly. “Can I, Papa? Can I?” Grantaire nodded. Jack turned to Allie. “Sissy? Come to?”

Allie rolled her eyes and looked at Grantaire. He raised an eyebrow at her. She sighed and turned back to Jack. “Fine, I’ll go.” She gave Grantaire another look before taking Jack from Combeferre’s arms and walking out of the room.

Combeferre looked at Grantaire. “Just let me know when to bring them home, all right?”

Grantaire nodded. "I thought you said that Ashleigh didn't want any disturbances."

"Well . . . I may have gotten too excited at leaving the house and woken Lily up. Oops." He winked before spinning playfully on his heel before walking the room.

Grantaire watched the trio leave, shaking his head. Typical Combeferre, pissing off his girlfriends (or in this case, wife) without a second thought. Grantaire could remember many a time when some pretty girl had come up to Combeferre at a party to slap him and tell him all the reasons why he was scum.

Grantaire slouched back down in his chair and lifted his hand up to his mouth, biting his thumb. Now he just had to wait and see what Enjolras had decided. "Come on, Enjolras, wake up.”

 

***

 

Forty-five minutes came and went before Enjolras so much as stirred. Grantaire was sitting sprawled out in a chair next to the bed, staring blankly at the phone in his hands. His eyes kept flashing back and forth between the screen and Enjolras’s face, his stomach twisting with impatience. God, he just wanted to get this stupid conversation over with so he could either pack his bags and move to Enjolras's, or move somewhere else and start completely over somewhere where no one knew anything about him.

Grantaire had been staring at Facebook for several minutes, his mind swirling with the possibilities. When he finally looked back up, he jumped. Enjolras was staring at him, his eyes narrowed and his jaw set. Grantaire ran a hand through his hair awkwardly, his mouth quirking to the side uncomfortably. “Uhm, hello.”

"What are you doing here?”

Grantaire cleared his throat and put his phone down on his lap. “Oh, uh . . . Allie. Allie called me when you started seizing, and I got there around the same time that the paramedics did, so I brought the kids here.”

Enjolras looked around the room. “Well, where they are now?”

“Uh, Combeferre took them.”

“Why?”

Grantaire sighed. “Look, Enjolras . . .”

Enjolras cut him off, sending him a glare before turning and looking the opposite direction. “Save it, Grantaire. You made it very clear this morning that you don’t want us around. We agreed that if you wanted to come home, you would meet me. You never showed up.” He crossed his arms. “The kids and I will leave you alone from now on.”

Grantaire’s eyes opened wide and he leaned forward, his throat tightening and a desperate feeling developing in his stomach. He reached out and grabbed Enjolras’s thigh, pulling on it until Enjolras finally looked over, giving him a pained, exasperated look. “No, Enjolras, I wasn’t going to tell you to stay away. The opposite, actually. I want to apologize for missing this morning. I had every intention of being there, I swear. I was just up all night and . . .” he shook his head. “Never mind. There is no excuse for why I wasn’t there.”

Enjolras met his eyes for a moment before looking down, his crossed arms tightening in front of his chest. Grantaire sighed and leaned forward, cupping the back of Enjolras’s head. He leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together. Grantaire sighed again, his voice growing quiet as he spoke. “Enjolras, I want to try this. I want to come home. I don’t know what will happen with us, or with the kids, or even if all of this is what I really want, but I do know that I am fucking _miserable_ not knowing who I am, or knowing where I am supposed to be. I’ve tried drinking. I’ve tried ignoring you. I’ve tried anything I can fucking think of, and nothing is working.”

When Enjolras didn’t say anything, Grantaire let out a defeated breath, tilting down to press a chaste kiss against the man’s lips. “Please, Enjolras. I want to come home.” He kissed him again, the weight in his stomach lessening when Enjolras began to kiss him back, a smile growing across his cheeks.

 

 

 

15

 

The doctors had only kept Enjolras for an hour and, once all his vitals came back fine, Grantaire took him home, dropping him off at the house with an agreement to come back home in an hour’s time. He had to gather his things and tell his parents what was going on. Enjolras, though, didn’t mind the wait. After this morning, he had been so convinced that Grantaire wasn’t going to come home, he hadn’t bothered making any sort of effort to clean the house, which was what he had originally planned on spending the afternoon doing. The wait gave him just enough time to try and make the house look at least semi-decent.

Combeferre had dropped Jack and Allie off a little bit after Enjolras had gotten home, and they were playing quietly in their respective rooms. Enjolras went into his bedroom and began to pull the comforter off the bed. He was still worn out from his seizure, however, and was barely able to get the comforter to the ground before he had to sit back down, horribly out of breath.

Once he felt like he could move again, Enjolras moved to the doorway and leaned out. “Allie! Can you come up here for a moment?” He waited a minute for a response. When none came, he tried again. “Allie!”

“Coming!” Enjolras went back into the room and headed towards the closet, pulling back the doors and looking in to make sure that he even had clean sheets to put back on the bed. He glanced behind him as he heard Allie’s footsteps. He gave her a smile before nodding towards the bed.

“Can you help me with the sheets? I don’t have enough energy to do it by myself.”

Allie’s nostrils flared. “Then why are you even bothering? It’s not like Papa is going to stay.”

Enjolras, who had begun to reach for the sheets on the shelf, let his hands drop as he whirled back again. “Alleandra McKenzie Herman!”

The hard look in Allie’s eyes faded, and her shoulders slumped in defeat. “Sorry, Dad,” she mumbled, beginning to pull the fitted sheet off the bed. She threw them into the hamper before going over and grabbing the sheets from the shelf. Enjolras was still staring at her with a look of disbelief on his face that his daughter could even say such a thing.

Allie finished up the bed and threw the heavy comforter back on top of it. She straightened the corners before looking back up at her dad. “Anything else?” she asked, her tight voice and darting eyes making it obvious that she just wanted to escape back to the solitude of her room.

Enjolras was tempted to let her go, but first, he had something else to do. “Come here, Allie,” he said, holding his arms out. Allie let out a breath before coming over and accepting the hug. She laid her head on Enjolras’s chest, wrapping her arms around his waist loosely. Enjolras dropped a kiss on her hair before saying, “Thank you for being such a major help around here, Allie. I know this has been just as difficult on you and Jack as it has been on me, and it means the world to me that you have been so helpful.”

Allie shrugged, pressing her face against Enjolras’s jacket in an attempt to hide her tears. Enjolras, respecting his daughter’s privacy, didn’t say anything, choosing instead to simply hold her closer before letting go. “That’s all I wanted, Allie.”

Allie kept her face tilted downwards as she nodded, only lifting her hand to wipe away her tears as she made her way back down the stairs. Enjolras watched her go, his heart hurting as he realized just how much Allie truly had suffered with the disappearance of her father’s memories.

Once Allie was out of Enjolras’s sight, he glanced down as he felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket. He pulled it out to see that the message was from Grantaire, alerting him that he would be at the house in about half an hour. Enjolras nodded before realizing that Grantaire couldn’t see him. He shook his head, feeling a bit like an idiot.

A half hour . . . that gave Enjolras plenty of time to finish getting the house in order. However, he _was_ still feeling pretty worn out, and didn’t really want to do anything else. Grantaire would just have to take the house like it was.

With that thought in mind, Enjolras headed down to the living room. He sat down on the couch and flipped on the television, hoping that some mindless cable would calm his nerves. He grabbed the remote and chose a show at random, letting the pixilated colors determine what he was feeling and thinking about.

The longer that Enjolras watched, though, the more that his mind wandered back to Grantaire. He couldn’t even begin to fathom what things were going to be like, having him back home. As much as he hated to admit it, Enjolras had finally started to adjust to being a single parent, and, now that he was days away from starting back at work, he felt as though he was working out some sort of routine. Now, though? He had no idea.

Enjolras was broken out of his thoughts by the doorbell ringing. He looked sharply over at the wood, wiping his now-sweating palms on his jeans before pushing himself into a standing position and heading over to the door. He grabbed the knob and pulled it open, plastering a fake smile on his face. “Hey, R.”

“Hey.” Grantaire was clearly just as nervous as Enjolras was. He had a duffle bag thrown over his shoulder, and was reaching up uncomfortably with his left hand. He dug his nails into the strap, pumping his fingers gently as he squeezed the nylon. His gaze was locked on the ground but, after what felt like the longest minute in Enjolras’s life, he looked up and raised his eyebrows. “So, are you going to let me in or what?”

Enjolras stepped aside and held his arm out to the interior of the house, his palm facing upwards. “Yeah, of course. Come on in.”

Grantaire stepped in, leaning forward to glance down the hall, as well as through the doorway at the living room. “So . . . where are the kids?” he asked, straightening back up. He turned his eyes back to Enjolras.

“Allie is her room, and Jack is watching _The Junglebook_ downstairs.” Enjolras began to rock back and forth on his feet, his nerves back full swing. Why did he think this way a good idea again? He shook his head, pointing up the staircase. “You’re probably tired. Here, I’ll show you ou—I mean, my room.” His voice cracked. He swallowed thickly before trying again, his voice quieter. “There is a guest room, if you are uncomfortable with sharing a bed with me.”

Grantaire shook his head. “No, we will share a bed. I’m trying to see if there is where I fit, remember? If we shared one before, we will share one now.”

Enjolras ground his teeth and gave a curt nod before walking towards the stairs and heading up them. As he walked, he squeezed his eyes shut tightly. God, how he just wanted to throw Grantaire down on their bed and ravish him . . . no. He couldn’t think like that. Grantaire would run out of their house quicker than Enjolras could ever land a single kiss on his lips. He began to wring his hands as he walked, fiddling with his wedding ring just to have something to keep his mind from wandering too much.

He stepped through the open door, casting his eyes around the room before looking back at Grantaire. “This is our room,” he said, waving his hand around the room. He pursed his lips before turning back to Grantaire. He gave him a tight smile. “I’m going to let you get settled. If you need me, I’ll be downstairs, cooking dinner.”

He nodded again at Grantaire before making his way downstairs, his head spinning. He had a lot to think about.

 

***

 

Grantaire watched as Enjolras left, the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach burning through his system like acid. He thought that he would know when he stepped into the house if he was doing the right thing or not, but he still had absolutely zero idea of what to think. Enjolras, though, seemed to be feeling the same way, if his anxious jittering and cool attitude were any indicators.

He put his duffle bag down on the king-sized bed before looking around the room, trying to see if _anything_ seemed familiar to him. He paused on the far wall, where there were two closets. He glanced back down at his bag before looking back at the closets. _Might as well get settled in,_ he thought, reaching over and unzipping the bag. He grabbed the stack of tee shirts out of the dark blue fabric and placed them on the bed.

Turning back towards the closets, Grantaire wracked his brain for any suggestions of which closet he was supposed to use. When none came, he stepped forward and chose the left one at random. He stepped forward and pulled the folding doors open, his shoulders dropping when he realized that this one was full of clothes that he had seen Enjolras wear in the few weeks since the accident and, unless Enjolras and he had some sort of system where they combined their clothing based off color or some other thing like that, his closet was the other one.

Sure enough, when Grantaire pulled back _those_ doors, it was to reveal a gaping hole, filled with lonely hangers and a few lonesome socks. He grabbed some of the hangers before going back over to the bed and hanging his clothes up.

Once all his pants and shirts were put away, Grantaire tucked the duffle bag under the bed before returning to the closet, sorting through his clothes in hopes of something a little bit nicer than his ripped jeans and Social Distortion tee-shirt to wear for his first dinner home. He didn’t think that Enjolras really cared what he wore but, regardless, he wanted to look nice. He pulled out a dark blue tee shirt and a black plaid button down, as well as a pair of dark jeans. He had always been told that he looked good in dark colors, and tonight would be no exception.

Grantaire plugged his phone in on the nightstand. He had just begun to look around the room again when something appeared in the corner of his eye: two frames, sitting erect on the mahogany chest-of-drawers. He walked over, his eyes narrowing as he got a closer look. The first image was of Enjolras and Grantaire on what he assumed to be their wedding day. Grantaire was leaning over in front of a tree in a white tux, a bright orange flower on his boutonniere. Enjolras was on Grantaire’s back and wearing a tan tux, with a sapphire-colored flower. Both men had large smiles on their faces. While Grantaire was unable to see his own ring, he could see Enjolras’s front and center, glinting in the camera’s flash.

The second picture was of Jack and Allie. They were wearing the same clothing that they were wearing in the image on Grantaire’s lock screen, but in this one, they were holding hands and running in a field. Grantaire was no photographer, but to his amateur eye it looked like this picture was taken candidly. He had to admit, it was a great photo.

Grantaire looked over his shoulder when he heard a knock to see Allie standing there, her head tilted down so that her hair partially covered her face. She walked over to the bed and sat down, sitting on one leg and crossing her arms around herself protectively. Grantaire hesitated for a moment before going over and sitting next to her, his own hands folded in his lap.

There was several moments of silence before Allie asked, “Why are you home?”

Grantaire bit his lip, thinking about it for a moment before answering. “I want to see if this is where I am supposed to be. See if I am supposed to have a family.”

Allie nodded curtly, her eyes still trained on the ground. “We would still be a family if you didn’t forget about us,” she muttered, her voice so low and bitter that Grantaire had to strain to hear. “If you had been here, Dad wouldn’t have forgotten to take his pills.”

“Allie, you know I didn’t do any of this on purpose, right?” Grantaire reached out and placed a hand on Allie’s knee. “This is just as hard for me as it is for you guys. I don’t know where I belong, or what I am supposed to be doing. If being here with you guys and your dad is right for me, then here is where I will stay.”

“And if it’s not?”

Grantaire shrugged. “I don’t know yet.” He paused for a moment when Allie looked up, her eyes red-rimmed and damp. He was suddenly hit with an urge to pull the girl into his arms and make her feel better. It would take more than walking into the home to do that, though. Instead, he squeezed her knee before withdrawing his hand, giving her a tight smile. “For now, though, I am going to try to be your Papa again.

Allie’s shoulders slumped, her eyes dropping back down to the ground. “Oh.”

“Hey, it’ll be okay,” Grantaire said, reaching out and poking the girl in the side until she finally cracked a grin. “I’m home, right? I may not know what’s going on, but I’m here.”

Allie nodded. “I guess you’re right.”

“Dinner is ready!” Grantaire and Allie looked towards the doorway as Enjolras’s voice echoed up the stairs.

“Come on,” Grantaire said, gesturing with his head in the direction of the kitchen. He stood up and held his hand out, letting out a smile when Allie took it. They made their way downstairs towards the dining room. Jack was already seated in his high chair, and he was leaning forward, stretching his hand out and straining to reach the bowl of Jolly Ranchers on the center of the table. When he saw Grantaire, he straightened up and gave him a large smile, trying to hide that he was attempting to do anything wrong.

Grantaire walked over to Jack and ruffled his hair. “Hey, buddy.” He moved away and took a seat next to Allie.

“No, Papa, Daddy’s chair,” Jack said, jabbing his pointer finger in the direction of the empty seat across the table. “You there.”

“Jack, Papa can sit wherever he wants.” Grantaire looked up as Enjolras entered the room holding a big bowl of spaghetti. He shook his head before standing up.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll move.” He walked around the table and sat down, giving Enjolras a smile as he did so. “Everything looks great, Enjolras.”

Enjolras gave Grantaire a tight smile. “Thanks.” He scooped some spaghetti onto Jack’s plate and gave him a piece of garlic bread before handing the bowl to Grantaire.

 Grantaire served himself a large portion of the pasta before passing it over to Allie. He grabbed his fork and dug in, letting out a small moan when the decadent sauce hit his taste buds. It was savory but sweet, a combination that Grantaire was not used to in spaghetti. There was also a bit of thyme and ginger, as well as the tiniest hint of orange zest. It was delicious. “Wow, Enjolras, I think this is the best spaghetti that I have ever tasted.”

Allie looked up from shoveling her own helping into her mouth. “Dad always makes the best pasta sauce.”

Enjolras smiled over at Allie before looking at Grantaire. He nodded slightly before looking back down at his food and eating. Grantaire observed him as he ate. His jaw was tight and he had frown-lines in the corner of his eyes, and he barely lifted his eyes from his plate as he ate, other than to scold Jack for throwing a spoonful of his dinner.

After several tense minutes, Allie broke the silence. “So, Dad,” she said, reaching her fork out and scraping it on the edge of Enjolras’s plate to get his attention, “we are getting fitted for our costumes at dance practice tonight.”

“That’s wonderful, sweetie.” Enjolras looked up, glancing briefly at Grantaire before training his eyes back on his daughter. “Are you ready for your recital?”

Allie shook her head. “I mean, there’s still three weeks of rehearsal, but I’m still pretty nervous about my solo. I keep falling when I do the twirls.”

“You will do amazing, sweetheart.” Enjolras glanced at Grantaire again before looking back down, the uncomfortable silence returning to the room. 

When everyone was done eating, Enjolras turned to Allie. “Al, go and get ready for dance class please. We will leave in ten minutes.” He stood up and moved to Jack’s highchair, getting the boy down and picking up his plate.

“I’ll do the dishes,” Grantaire volunteered, standing up and taking the plate out of Enjolras’s hand. He gave him a smile before moving Enjolras gently to the side, reaching down to the table and grabbing the rest of the dishes.

Grantaire had just started to move towards the kitchen when Enjolras stopped him, putting a hand on his arm. “After I drop Allie off, I am going to go over to Colin’s so you have a bit of time to adjust to the house. Do you mind giving Jack a bath and putting him to bed?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

Enjolras squeezed his arm and leaned in, stopping short and pulling away as he realized what he was doing. He pursed his lips before nodding and turning on his heel, walking out of the room as quickly as he could.

Grantaire watched him leave. He shook his head, taking a deep breath. This was going to be harder than he thought. Enjolras was clearly just as uncomfortable with him being in the house than he was with him being out of the house, and the kids, well . . . it was like nothing had changed for Jack. What if Grantaire wasn’t able to get back to his old routine? How much would that harm Jack’s development?

Grantaire sighed. He needed to focus on just getting himself back to normal. He took the dirty dishes to the kitchen and put them in the sink before walking back into the dining room and grabbing what was left of the spaghetti in the bowl. He took it to the kitchen and set it on the counter. He looked at the different cabinets, trying to make a guess as to where the Tupperware containers would be.

Grantaire decided to just take a guess and open a random cabinet. He happened to choose the right one. He pulled out a large container and took it over to the pasta. He shoveled it into the bowl before rinsing out all of the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher.

Grantaire looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He glanced over to see Enjolras. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Enjolras moved his hand, lifting it and running it through his hair. “Allie and I are leaving now. We will be home around 9:30 or so.”

Enjolras started to head towards the car. Allie ran over and gave Grantaire a hug before she did the same. Grantaire went up to Jack’s room. Jack was sitting on the floor with a pack of broken crayons, coloring in a sea animal coloring book. He looked up when Grantaire entered the room, smiling big when he saw that it was Grantaire. “Color with me?”

Grantaire smiled back and nodded. He sat down and held out his hand for the book. Jack handed it to him. Grantaire marked the page that Jack was coloring on before flipping through the book and deciding on a picture of a seahorse. He ripped the page out of the book and handed it back to Jack, opening it back up to the picture he was coloring.

Jack stared thoughtfully as his markers. He decided on a orange marker. He held it out to Grantaire. “Here you go, Papa.”

“Thank you, buddy.” He took the marker and uncapped it, pointing it down at his page. Before he started coloring the picture, though, he looked up at Jack. He watched Jack color before idly drawing on the seahorses.

By the time that Grantaire and Jack had finished coloring, forty-five minutes had gone by. “Okay, buddy, it’s bath time.”

Jack sat up and pouted. “Five more minutes?”

Grantaire shook his head. “No, Jack. I told Daddy that I would give you a bath before bed, so we need to go ahead and do it.” He scooped Jack into his arms and carried him into the bathroom. He set Jack on the counter and started to fill the tub. When it filled up halfway, Grantaire stood Jack up and undressed him. He put Jack in the tub before looking around. Children normally had bath toys, didn’t they? Where were Jack’s?

 _Aha!_ Sure enough, Jack did have toys. They were sitting in a bucket behind the toilet. Grantaire handed the bucket to Jack, who immediately tipped it upside down and started playing with his toys.

Grantaire sat down on the toilet and monitored Jack for a few minutes before getting him clean. He had just washed Jack’s hair when he heard his phone go off from where he plugged it in, in the bedroom. “I’ll be right back, buddy.” He finished rinsing off Jack’s hair and kissed him on the forehead. He stood and went into the bedroom and picked up his phone.

_Please put Jackson to bed around 8:15. Give him some crackers and some juice, then have him brush his teeth and go to the bathroom. Let him pick three books and read them to him, he should fall asleep by the time you get to the third book. –Enjolras._

Grantaire clicked the screen off and slid his phone back into his pocket. He went back into the bathroom and got a washrag soapy, quickly cleaning the rest of Jack’s body before draining the tub. Grantaire grabbed a towel and picked Jack up, hugging him close to his body for warmth as he rubbed Jack dry. He carried the boy to his room and over to the dresser. He searched through the drawers until he found a pair of flannel pajamas with dragons on them.

Grantaire dressed Jack before going back downstairs and getting a sippy cup of juice and a couple of crackers. He took them back upstairs and situated Jack in bed. He handed him his snack and went over to the book shelf, picking three books at random. “Are these stories okay, Jack?”

Jack glanced up from his snack and scanned the books, nodding when he got a good look at the covers. “Yes, Papa.”

Grantaire came  back over to the bed and started to read. He had barely finished the first story when he felt a pressure on his arm. He looked down to see that Jack had already fallen asleep, his sippy cup and his bowl of crackers on the bed beside him. Grantaire leaned over and kissed the top of Jack’s head before standing up and removing the snack. He resituated Jack so that his head was nestled against the pillow and his blankets wrapped snuggly around him.

Grantaire turned the light off before going down into the living room and turning on the television. He grabbed a blanket from the end of the couch and lied down, covering himself up as he started watching the show.

Within a few minutes of the show starting, Grantaire had begun to fall asleep. He shut his eyes, falling asleep almost as fast as Jack had.

 

***

 

Grantaire squinted in the darkness, struggling to make out whose fingers were wrapped around his forearm, shaking him lightly.  The mass of curls silhouetted in the moonlight that streamed through the window  made it easy for Grantaire to realize who the intruder was.  Enjolras.

Grantaire sat up and rubbed his eyes.  "Hey, Enjolras," he murmured, glancing up at the man. He yawned before leaning over to the end table and flipping on the light. "What time is it?"

"A little after eleven. I know I said I would be home at nine,  but Milo texted me and said he would keep Allie overnight with Amelia and Anna, so I figured staying with Colin a little longer wouldn't hurt anything. I texted you about it."

Grantaire's eyes drifted over to his phone on the table,  unsurprised to see the pale-blue flash that signified he had a text.  He shrugged, nudging the electronic over with his foot before straightening back up,  his back beginning to ache from sleeping on the couch's worn and lumpy cushions. "Well, did you have a good time,  at least?"

Enjolras nodded. "Yeah." He stared down at his wrist and began to fiddle with his watch for a moment uncomfortably before shaking his head and standing up. "I guess I am going to go to bed then."

Before Enjolras had a chance to step away, Grantaire reached out and grabbed his hand. "Wait, Enjolras. Will you stay down here and watch a movie with me?" When Enjolras began to shake his head, Grantaire tried again, disappointment filling his gut. "Please? I will let you choose what movie."

Enjolras bit down on his lip before letting out a defeated breath, turning around and collapsing on the couch with a sigh. He reached over to the box under the couch and pulled out the X-Box controller. He turned on the device and went to his Netflix app, scrolling through the movies for several minutes before deciding on one. "Let's do this one. It used to be one of your favorites, before the accident." He leaned back against the couch as the opening titles began to play, making sure to angle his body as far away from Grantaire as possible.

While this was fine with Grantaire at first, as the film wore on, he found himself growing more and more irritated with the distance. He found himself constantly holding down the urge to grab Enjolras and pull him to his chest, a position he was fairly certain they typically watched movies in.

When the film reached its halfway point, Grantaire couldn't take it anymore. He wrapped his arm around Enjolras's shoulders and scooted closer, frowning when Enjolras jumped and tried to move away. He tightened his grip. "Stop, Enjolras. I know what I am doing. Just relax."

Enjolras struggled for another minute before letting out a defeated sigh. He hesitated before placing his hand on Grantaire's stomach, right below his shirt, his fingertips idly drawing designs in the smooth skin he found there. Grantaire shivered at the contact. This had to be right, he knew it. He needed to be with Enjolras and the kids.

 _This is right, too_ , Grantaire thought to himself as he moved a hand to cup Enjolras's chin, tilting his face up gently before leaning down and pressing a kiss to the man's tanned lips. When there was no response, Grantaire pushed harder, darting his tongue out to lap at the seam of Enjolras's lips. This seemed to break Enjolras from his stupor. His eyes opened wide as he pushed Grantaire away, shaking his head and beginning to stand.

"No, Grantaire," he said, still shaking his head. "You just got back. You can't do this to me." He paused and took a deep breath, standing his ground and staring into the doorway before looking back at Grantaire. "We will talk about this tomorrow. I am going to bed."

Grantaire watched him approached the stairs. He sighed before standing up as well. “Hey, wait for me.”

Enjolras stopped and turned around, a look of pain in his eyes as he gestured with his head towards the stairs. “Come on, then.” He turned back around and began walking up. Grantaire hurried to match his pace, his eyes drifting down to Enjolras’s backside as the taller man ascended the steps.

Once they were in the room, they stared at each other for a moment. Grantaire broke the silence. “Is it all right if I sleep in my boxers? I don’t know what I normally do here, but . . . as far as I remember, it’s what I sleep in.”

Enjolras shrugged. “I don’t care.” He took off his own tee shirt and jeans and slid into bed, pulling the covers up tight around him before facing the wall.

Grantaire stared at him, letting out a quiet sigh when he realized just how uncomfortable he had made Enjolras. He looked down at the ground before undressing and getting into bed on the other side. He leaned up on his arm, placing a hand on Enjolras’s covered shoulder. When he received no response, he squeezed Enjolras’s shoulder and said, “I’m so sorry, Enjolras.” He squeezed Enjolras’s shoulder again before turning the other direction, locking his eyes on the wall.

After several slow, silent hours, Grantaire managed to fall asleep.

 

 

 

16

 

When Enjolras awoke the next morning, it was to the feeling of not being able to breathe. Glancing down at his chest, he was able to see why: at some point during the night, Grantaire had moved from his side of the bed to octopus his way around Enjolras’s body. His arm was splayed across Enjolras’s chest, his knee was only inches from Enjolras’s crotch, and his toes were wedged somewhere beneath Enjolras’s left knee.

His heart beating faster, Enjolras grinned as he remembered that Grantaire had always been a cuddler when he was overtired and, if falling asleep on the couch was any indication, he definitely was. The grin fell, however, when Enjolras woke up enough to remember that this was not a permanent arrangement. This was not their everyday life, where Enjolras could kiss Grantaire awake and have hot, quick morning sex before one of the children woke up and wandered into the bedroom. This was just a trial run, to see if Grantaire could be happy with a life with Enjolras.

 _I need to get away for a little while,_ Enjolras decided, feeling his cock begin to wake up as Grantaire began to move his knee higher and higher. He didn’t know where he was going to go, but if he didn’t leave now, he would jump Grantaire before the day was out.

Carefully, Enjolras began to untangle Grantaire from his body. He peeled his arms off and nudged away the toes before carefully rolling him over, letting out a sigh of relief when the brunet snuggled into his pillow and continued to sleep. Enjolras tiptoed to the doorway, hoping to make a quick getaway.

Before he left the room, Enjolras couldn’t help but turn around and look at Grantaire one final time. “I love you,” he whispered, the all-too-familiar ache in his chest beginning to start up again. He let out a deep breath before turning around and walking out of the room, shutting the door gently behind him.

When Enjolras got down to the kitchen, he glanced at the clock to see that it was a little after five in the morning. Normally, Enjolras wouldn’t leave the house so early, but this was an exception. He needed to get out of the house and find something to do. Where would he go this early, though?

Five minutes later, Enjolras had thrown on clothes from the gym bag in his car, had left Grantaire a note, and was on route to the local McDonalds, a McGriddle and two large coffees calling his name. He especially began to need that coffee when he pulled up to the drive through window, his eyelids beginning to droop as his body caught up with how early it was. The girl working seemed to have the same dilemma, as she waved him off with a hearty yawn of her own.

Once Enjolras had placed the coffee in his cup holders and had begun to eat his McGriddle, he decided just to drive around, see if anything caught his fancy. Luckily for him, there was a new store only a few blocks down the road: a 24-hour medieval bookstore called The Bard of Avon.

Enjolras pulled into the parking lot and grabbed a space, taking hold of his coffee and taking it into the shop with him. He looked around as he entered the store, not surprised to only see a single worker and three customers manning the premises. If it wasn’t for his nerves and anxiety about Grantaire, he wouldn’t be out this early, either.

Enjolras cast his eyes around at the different headers, pausing when he saw one against the far wall. It was a simple four-level bookshelf, and was covered with books that looked as though they had been made in the 1800s, if not earlier. He walked over to them, running his fingers over the worn covers as he struggled to make out the titles of the books on the spines.

A dark red book with cracking brown letters and dark yellow pages caught Enjolras’s eyes. The cover was barely attached to the spine, and the title was nothing more than a series of spots. Enjolras opened the tome to see if there was a title page. No luck. He would just have to read the first line.

“’Of man’s first disobedience, and the fruit’,” Enjolras read, trailing his fingertip over the words. Oh! He knew this story. It was _Paradise Lost,_ his mother’s favorite epic. She had always been a Milton fan, but there was just something about Paradise and Satan’s role in the Fall of Eden that just caught her fancy. She would quote it whenever there was a lull in the conversation, or when she had just decided to analyze the text in her head once again. This book was _definitely_ one that he was going to buy.

Enjolras tucked the book under his arm before looking through the tomes again. He had barely pulled a dark green novel off the shelf when he heard a voice from behind him. “That’s my favorite book.”

Enjolras startled. He turned around to see that store associate, an attractive blond man who looked like he was better suited on the shores of California than in this quaint little Midwestern store. He looked down at the man’s name tag to see that his name was Kyle, and that he had worked at the store for a year. “What book is it? I can’t read the cover.”

“ _Great Expectations,_ by Charles Dickens. Ever heard of it?”

Enjolras made a face before nodding. “Yeah, I read this in high school.” He slid it back onto the shelf. “Reading it once was enough for me, thanks.”

“Everyone says that when I try to get them to read it.” Kyle shook his head. “Customers time and time again pass this book up because they were forced to read it in high school. All that over-analyzing really kills the book. Try it again, though, only read it as if you are the benefactor watching Pip succeed. Trust me, it makes the story so much better.”

“I’ll think about it.” He gave Kyle a smile. Kyle nodded before turning around and heading towards another section of the store.

Kyle only made it a few feet, however, before he turned back around to Enjolras. “When you finish reading it this time, let me know what you think. I’m here almost every night.” He winked. “I’m normally the _only_ one here, if you would like a more . . . _intimate_ conversation.” He let his eyes drift down to Enjolras’s crotch, the corner of his tongue sticking out the corner of his mouth in appreciation. When Enjolras’s complexion darkened, Kyle laughed and turned around before walking over to the coffee bar, where a customer was waiting for a refill.

Enjolras watched him go, his eyes wide. God, it had been _years_ since anyone had propositioned him. Normally, if he was out somewhere, he was with Grantaire or one of the kids. Enjolras glanced down at his left hand. His wedding ring was still there, so it wasn’t as though he had done anything to give Kyle any idea that his marital status was different that it really was. Did he come off as single?

Enjolras started towards the registers only to stop when he heard a loud clap of thunder. Well, he didn’t really feel like driving in _that._ Instead, he decided to grab that _Great Expectations_ book and move over to the area of the store that was filled with couches and cushy chairs for customers to read in.

Enjolras sat down on dark blue chair and opened the book, a grin coming across his face as he listened to the sound of the spine crack open.

 

***

The more that Enjolras read the book, the more he realized just how much he enjoyed the text. Before he knew it, he was reading through the last few pages. Kyle had been right, the book was much more enjoyable when Enjolras read it with a different perspective.

Speaking of Kyle, Enjolras wanted to find him and tell him what he thought of the book. When he looked around, however, Kyle was nowhere to be found. In fact, Enjolras didn't see a single familiar face. Jesus, how long had he been here?

Enjolras glanced down at his watch, his eyes widening. It was nearly noon! No wonder Kyle wasn't working any longer. A quick glance around showed Enjolras there were now three women and two men working, and there was well over two dozen customers.

Enjolras gathered up the books, deciding that Great Expectations was good enough to take home. First, though, there was a much more urgent need Enjolras needed to take care of. He stood, his knees dropping at the severe weight of his bladder. He cast a paGrantaireed look around the store for the sign, speed-walking towards it the moment he caught sight of it.

A few minutes later Enjolras walked back out, feeling much relieved. He adjusted the books so they were under his arm before making his way to the registers, where a pretty young woman in a black sweater and orange skirt was working. She had shoulder-length blonde hair, and a quick look down at her name tag alerted Enjolras that her name was Tessa.

"Hello," she greeted, smiling widely at Enjolras as she took the books from him. She look at them for a moment before ringing up Great Expectations. She held it up. "I saw you reading this when I came in this morning. Did you enjoy it?"

Enjolras nodded. "Yeah, I really did. I thought about just leaving it here after I read it, but I figured it might be a book that my husband would enjoy." _Well, at least_ my _Grantaire would enjoy it._

The girl nodded. "I have never been able to get into Dickens. He's a little too dry for me." She put the book in a canvas bag before holding up _Paradise Lost_. "John Milton, though? Him I can get into."

Enjolras chuckled. "I understand." He handed the girl his card before glancing down at her nametag again."So, Tessa, what do you like to read?"

Tessa thought for a moment before responding. "Fantasy, mostly. I enjoy some classical literature, but I can't get enough of Clive Barker and Holly Black." She handed Enjolras his receipt and a punch card before handing him the bag. "Give that punch card to the cashier whenever you are here, and when all ten punches are used, you get a free book and 50% off your purchase."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Have a great day, sir." She gave him a warm smile. She leaned back and grabbed a book off the counter, opening it up to the bookmarked page.

Enjolras went to his car, his mind whirring as he tried to figure out what he was going to do the rest of the day. He really should try to do something productive . . . he was so incredibly behind on grading. His students had been doing worksheet after worksheet with the sub. Enjolras had gone in on Friday to check on his students and to get a feel for how things were going, but he had made the mistake of leaving all the worksheets on the desk when he went home.

Enjolras drove to school, pulling into the spot closest to the third-grade door. He ran into the building and to his classroom, glad that school was closed for fall break. It was definitely better than having to deal with his students and his coworkers asking him how Grantaire was doing, and when he was going to come back.

Twenty minutes later, Enjolras was back home. He dropped the stack of papers on the kitchen table before going into the living room, his eyes narrowed. The house was far too quiet. He checked Allie's room first. Empty. Next, he checked the playroom. Also empty. He reached down to his phone in his pocket to see if anyone had texted him with their whereabouts. Sure enough, he had a text from Allie saying that Uncle Milo had picked her up to spend the day with Anna and Amelia.

Enjolras slid his phone back into his pocket before going upstairs. Well, that explained one absence.

He paused as he reached Jack's cracked door. He peaked in, a smile spreading across his face when he saw Grantaire and Jack lying together, reading a book. Grantaire was leaning against a pillow, and Jack was looking at the pages, his eyes wide as he took in all the colors in the pictures.

Enjolras loved moments like these. As a content feeling settled in Enjolras's stomach, he went down to the basement and got to work.

 

***

 

“ . . .and they lived happily ever after.” Grantaire closed the book. He glanced down at Jack to see that the boy had fallen asleep, and was curled around Grantaire’s hip, his face buried in his father’s jacket. Grantaire gently moved Jack onto the pillow. He leaned down and kissed his head before getting off the bed. He reached into the trunk at the end of the bed and pulled out a fuzzy navy blue blanket. He covered Jack up before leaning over and kissing his head again. “Nap well, buddy.”

Grantaire flicked off the light before leaving the room and heading downstairs. He saw a glimpse of Enjolras when he came to the door, but he wasn’t sure where he was now. Grantaire decided to try their room first. When he didn’t see Enjolras there, he went down to the main level of the house. No luck.

Grantaire glanced around the living room, his eyes settling on the door that led to the basement. He had gone down there that morning at Jack’s insistence, and had learned that Enjolras’s office was in the back corner of the basement. It wasn’t much, just a desk, a bookcase, a few couches, and a coffee table, but it seemed exactly Enjolras’s style.

Sure enough, Enjolras was sitting on one of the couches, papers sprawled out on the coffee table and a bright orange marker in his hand. Grantaire walked over to him and sat down on the other end of the couch. He looked over and skimmed over the paperwork, his eyes narrowed. “What are you doing?”

“Grading.”

“Oh.”

There was an uncomfortable silence for several moments as Enjolras stared down at his papers. Eventually, Grantaire got tired of the silence, and tried again. “So, how do you like being back at work?”

“It’s fine.”

Grantaire sighed. “Enjolras, did I do something to upset you? Why are you being so sharp?”

Enjolras let out a breath and dropped his paper back on the table. He turned to Grantaire with pursed lips. “No, Grantaire, you did nothing wrong. Everything is just perfect.”

Grantaire’s eyes shot up at the coolness of Enjolras’s tone. “Oh. Well then.” He glanced down at his watch, clearing his throat. “I have to get ready for work. I’ll see you later.”

 

 

 

17

 

Three hours later, Enjolras had finally finished up with all of his grading. He loved being a teacher but, sometimes, all this grading was more than he could handle. It just ate up so much of his time, especially with how long he had been gone.

Enjolras had just set all the worksheets over on the other edge of the coffee table when he heard a strange noise from the level above him. _Jack must be awake,_ he realized, stuffing his pen into his pocket and going upstairs. He really should have been working on all this grading on the main level of the house but, with Grantaire home now, Enjolras was just hoping that things would somewhat go back to normal. He had always done his grading downstairs.

Granted, it _was_ Enjolras who was making things challenging, but he stuck between a rock and a hard place. He didn’t want to talk to Grantaire, and he realized that he really was being too cool with the man before he left for work, but he was just so scared. If he got too used to Grantaire being there again, and Grantaire realized that this life wasn’t for him, Enjolras would be completely crushed.

If he did decide to stay, though . . . Enjolras was still stuck. Come February, it wouldn’t just be Jack and Allie that would be impacted by how Grantaire acted. Baby Karlee would be in their lives, as well. If Grantaire didn’t know how to raise the kids he already had, how could Enjolras expect him to want to stick around with a third mouth to feed?

Enjolras shook his head. He didn’t need to be thinking like that. This was only the first full day of all of this. There really wasn’t any way to know yet what was going to happen. Besides, it _was_ nice to have someone else in the house again to help with chores and taking care of the kids.

Speaking of the kids . . . Enjolras better get upstairs, before Jack destroyed something or “decorated” something that he wasn’t supposed to with Allie’s nail polish again. He ran up the steps, taking them two at a time. His fingers were crossed that the house was still in order.

Luckily, all Jack had tried to do was fix himself a snack. He had spilled orange juice all over the kitchen floor, and there were goldfish crackers lining the ground from the pantry to the fridge, but nothing seemed to be broken. Enjolras shook his head and came up behind Jack, picking him up and setting him on the counter. “How about I finish making you a snack, buddy,” he said, moving the boy far enough back that he wouldn’t fall off the marble. He shook Jack’s knee before going over to the pantry and grabbing the mop.

He cleaned up the orange juice and the crackers before going back to the pantry. He grabbed an apple and a container of sugar-free caramel sauce. He put the caramel sauce in a cup and cut up the apple, putting both items on a plate and handing it to Jack. He watched as the boy started eating before reaching forward and stealing a slice of the apple, dipping it in the caramel sauce. This had always been one of his favorite snacks, ever since he was a kid. It turned out to be one of Jack’s, too.

Enjolras picked Jack up and moved him to his highchair before going back to the pantry and getting a snack for himself. He pulled out a box of Wheat Thins. He put some in a bowl before sitting down on one of the stools at the counter. “We have a couple of hours before Allie gets home, buddy. What do you want to do?”

Jack thought about it for a moment, stabbing his apple into his caramel sauce thoughtfully. His eyes lit up as he got an idea. “Park!”

Enjolras shook his head. “It’s way too cold for the park. Other idea?”

Jack pouted and looked down at his snack. He took another bite before looking up. “Blanket fort?”

Enjolras smiled, pointing a Wheat Thin in the boy’s direction. “That, we can do.” He popped the cracker into his mouth before standing up and going upstairs to the hall closet. He grabbed a stack of sheets and took them into Jack’s room, dropping them on the bed. He cleaned the room up a bit before going back down to the kitchen to see that Jack had finished his snack.

Enjolras grabbed the plate and rinsed it off, setting it in the dishwasher. He turned it on before going back over to the highchair and lifting Jack up, taking him upstairs.

Once they were upstairs, Enjolras sat Jack down on the bed before getting to work on building the blanket fort. He grabbed the staple gun and began to attach the sheets to the walls, varying the levels so that there was different amounts of lights coming into the fort. Once that was done, he took the remaining three sheets and hung them straight up and down so that they formed rooms. He crouched under the lowest level and stuck his hand out under the sheet, waiting patiently for Jack to take his hand.

Jack wrapped his small fingers around Enjolras’s index and middle fingers, sliding down off the bed and crawling under the sheets. His eyes widened in awe as he looked around at the different rooms. “Wow!” he exclaimed, standing up and spinning around. He darted away from Enjolras and went into another room, yelling “wow!” once again when he saw it.

Enjolras startled when he heard a door slam downstairs. He lifted the sheet to make sure that Jack was okay before making his way out of the blanket fort and going downstairs. He leaned around the corner of the staircase cautiously. He wasn’t sure who was there. Grantaire was supposed to be at work for another three hours, and Allie hadn’t called to tell Enjolras that she needed to get picked up. It couldn’t be either of them.

“Who’s there?” Enjolras called, stepping down off the stairs. He glanced behind himself to the table resting against the wall. He reached over and picked up the paperweight, just in case. He crept into the kitchen, his eyes darting back and forth. “Hello?”

“Boo!” Enjolras jumped when someone behind him lunged at him and grabbed his sides. He spun around to see Allie standing there, laughing at her father’s panic. “Man, Dad, you should have seen your face!”

Enjolras breathed deeply, gritting his teeth as he stared at his daughter. “I thought I was supposed to be picking you up,” he ground out, trying to calm back down.

Allie shrugged. “Madeleine threw up, so I asked her dad to go ahead and take me home so that she could sleep. I didn’t really want to be around her anymore anyway, she was starting to complain about everything. I was sick of it.”

Enjolras ground his teeth again and nodded. He really wished that his children would do a better job of keeping him in the loop sometimes. He understood that Allie thought she was grown up, what with being a preteen with her own phone and whatnot, but what if he hadn’t been home? She may be eleven, but Enjolras didn’t feel as though Allie was mature enough to really be in the house on her own yet. “Well, Jack and I were upstairs playing in a blanket fort that I made, if you want to join us. I’m sure Jack would love it.”

Allie’s face lit up. “I love blanket forts! Can I bring my laptop in and we all watch a movie together?”

Enjolras smiled, his heart rate finally returning to normal. “I’d like that. How about I order some Chinese food, and we can have dinner in the fort, too?”

Allie nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah! I’ll go tell Jack!” She raced up the stairs, the smile still on her face.

Enjolras watched her go. He hadn’t seen her this upbeat and excited about doing anything since Grantaire’s car accident. He supposed that it had something to do with the fact that Grantaire was back in the house. Even though he didn’t really remember much about his family, Allie had always been much closer to him than she ever had been to Enjolras. He supposed that it had something to do with the baking. When they first got Allie, Grantaire was spending most of his time at home, working on making new recipes to add to his and Courfeyrac’s repertoire. He had let Allie spend as much time in the kitchen as she wanted and, most days, let her create some recipes of her own.

Enjolras got out his phone and called the closest Chinese restaurant, ordering Allie and Jack’s favorites from memory: sweet-and-sour chicken, and tofu-and-vegetables. He decided to make the chicken a double order so that he could save some for Grantaire, as well as a large shrimp Lo Mein. Sure, Grantaire may have eaten something during his break at the retail store, but Enjolras found it very likely that not even Grantaire Herman would be able to resist leftover Chinese food. He poured himself a glass of grape soda and sat down in the kitchen to wait.

 

***

 

Grantaire’s stomach growled as he pulled into the driveway. God, he hated that job. He understood that working at that stupid art store was his only option for now, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t completely suck. Colin hadn’t been there today, so Grantaire didn’t have anyone to talk to. Instead, he got stuck listening to Rochelle, the assistant manager, yell at him for not color coding the flexed-out paint aisle the way that she wanted it. Apparently, going in rainbow order isn’t the correct way to do it when you are trying to showcase specific colors that you never knew existed.

Other than that, Grantaire had to deal with some crazy old lady coming into the store to buy canvas. The size that she wanted was not a standard size, so she wasn’t able to buy it at the store. She, however, was _certain_ that she could, spending twenty-five minutes to explain to Grantaire that she _most definitely_ had bought these canvases from a different store in 1973, so _obviously_ they had to have them in stock in 2014.

Grantaire shook his head. He was just glad to be home. However, he was still a little bit nervous about going into the house. Enjolras had been so cool to him before he left the house, and it seemed like Enjolras didn’t really want him there. Maybe coming home wasn’t the right idea, after all.

Shaking his head, Grantaire got out of the car and went inside. The house was quiet. He narrowed his eyes and looked around before pulling out his phone. No messages telling him that Enjolras was going anywhere . . . he had to be home, didn’t he? He wouldn’t just leave on Grantaire’s first full-day home without saying something.

Beginning to feel a bit sad, Grantaire slid his phone back into his pocket and went into the kitchen, hoping that Enjolras had left him dinner, at least. He pulled open the fridge to see leftover Chinese food. _Fan-fucking-tastic._ He pulled the containers out, his mouth beginning to water when he saw that Enjolras had ordered both sweet-and-sour chicken and shrimp Lo Mein. He shoveled some onto a plate and threw a paper towel over it before popping it into the microwave for two minutes. After hitting start, he slipped his shoes off next to the door and headed upstairs towards his and Enjolras’s bedroom.

As he walked to the room, he passed the bathroom. The door was shut, but Grantaire could hear Jack laughing behind it. He narrowed his eyes. A three-year-old’s laughter in the bathroom didn’t seem like a good thing, especially when Jack was cackling like he had taken over the Western World.

Grantaire opened the door, his apprehension fading when he saw Enjolras sitting on the closed-lidded toilet, skimming through a magazine while Jack splashed around with a rubber duck. Grantaire knocked on the doorframe. Enjolras glanced up, his eyes widening momentarily and his back straightening when he saw it was Grantaire. “Hey. How was work?”

Grantaire shrugged, the tension in his stomach going away at the tone of Enjolras’s voice. “Sucked.” He gestured with his thumb in the direction or the bedroom. “I’m going to change clothes then eat some of the leftover Chinese food.”

Enjolras nodded. “Okay. I made sure that there was enough left over for you.”

“I saw that. Thanks.” He gave Enjolras a tight smile before taking a step back and going to their room. He yanked off his jeans and bright-red work short, throwing on a pair of basketball shorts and a long-sleeved black tee instead. He slid his feet into a pair of slippers before going back downstairs.

Allie was in the kitchen when he got downstairs. She had taken Grantaire’s food out of the microwave and had set it on the island, and was warming up her own plate of chicken. She smiled Grantaire before pulling the plate out of the microwave. She left the room and took her food into the living room. Grantaire could hear her turn on the television as he started to eat.

Grantaire had only taken a few bites of his food when Enjolras bounded down the steps and came into the kitchen. He looked up. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Enjolras went to the freezer and pulled out a King Cone. He pulled out the chair across from Grantaire and sat down. “I turned on a movie for Jack. He should be asleep any minute.”

“Okay.” He went back to his eating. He wasn’t sure why, but Enjolras sitting down across from him brought the apprehension back full-force, only this time, it felt more like butterflies than it did anxiety.

Enjolras sighed. “I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just . . . I guess you being home has me a little on edge, that’s all.”

Grantaire put down his fork, the butterflies morphing into dinosaurs as he thought about how Enjolras was acting. “Well, do you not want me here?”

“No! That’s not it at all. I’m just nervous. I don’t want to put too much pressure on you to want all this.”

Grantaire rolled his eyes and went back to eating. He swallowed thickly. “Enjolras, if I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t  be here. Plain and simple.” He took his last bite and stood up, taking his plate to the sink. After rinsing it off, he turned around and leaned against the marble. He looked at Enjolras. “Well, since Jack is in bed and Allie is old enough to put herself to sleep, do you want to go up to our room and watch a movie?”

Enjolras thought about it for a moment. “Sure.” He stood up and made his way up to the room, Grantaire close behind.

Grantaire turned the television that was mounted to the wall across the room. He grabbed a random DVD and popped it into the player before going back over to the bed, where Enjolras had already laid back against the pillows. Grantaire sat down, looking at Enjolras from the corner of his eye. _Ah, fuck it._ He pulled the pillows out from behind Enjolras and propped them up behind himself before leaning forward and grabbing a hold of Enjolras’s shirt, pulling him to his chest.

Enjolras tensed up. “You really don’t have to do this, you know.” He tried to pull away and move to the other side of the bed. Grantaire held tight, pulling him back to his chest.

“I want this.”

 

 

 

 

18

 

The first week of Grantaire being home went by in a flash. Yes, things were still just as uncomfortable at times as they had been the first night but, in general, things had started to even out. He was far more comfortable being around Enjolras, Allie, and Jack, and, the more he spent time with them, the more he really thought of them as being his family. Being home was going work, and Grantaire was here to stay.

“All right, three cups of flour,” Grantaire muttered to himself, searching through the drawers in the kitchen as he struggled to find the right measuring cup. Enjolras had tried to help Grantaire out by labeling each and every cabinet and drawer so that he could find things easier but, today, even that wasn’t helping him as he dug through miscellaneous utensils and containers. Can opener? Check. Potato peeler? Check. Measuring cups? No check.

Grantaire let out a low growl of irritation as he checked the last cabinet only to see that it was not there either. “Enjolras!” he called out, slamming the door shut and moving back over to his recipe, “where are my measuring cups?”

Enjolras bounded down the steps, skipping the bottom two all-together. Grantaire rolled his eyes at his unlimited morning energy. Enjolras walked over to the dishwasher and opened it, glancing inside for a moment before pulling out exactly what Grantaire needed. “I used them to make stew last night, remember?” He handed it to Grantaire, who inspected it for a moment before putting in on the counter.

“Thanks.” He leaned over and kissed Enjolras on the cheek before turning back around and grabbing the measuring cup, looking down at the recipe. He got out his flour and slowly measured it out, hoping beyond hope that he was doing this right.

The night before, Enjolras had explained to Grantaire all about how they had gotten together. They had also made an impromptu visit to Nevermore Baked Goods so that Grantaire could see the product of his and Courfeyrac’s dream. Grantaire had to admit, the blackberry scones that he tasted (Grantaire’s own recipe, according to Courfeyrac) were probably the most delicious thing that that he ever tasted. It had inspired him to try and bake again, to see if he had the muscle-memory of everything that he had learned in baking school and, with both Enjolras and Grantaire’s parents and siblings coming over tonight for dinner, it seemed like the perfect time to tryout one of the recipes.

Enjolras poured himself a cup of coffee before taking a seat at the kitchen island, his eyes trained on Grantaire as he wandered around the kitchen, trying to find all the ingredients he needed to make what Courfeyrac had called his “famous apple pie.”  “Anything I can do to help?”

Grantaire glanced around behind him, his eyes narrowed in thought. “I don’t really think so. Unless . . . do you want to peel the apples for me while I finish making the crust? My recipe says I have to let the dough chill before I roll it out, so I can do the apples then if you don’t want to.”

Enjolras shook his no. “No, I’ll do it. I’m happy to help.” He stood up and walked over to the pantry, pulling out a large orange bowl, a smaller blue bowl, and the bag of Fuji apples, as well as a box of powdered sugar. “Here,” he said, putting the powdered sugar next to Grantaire. “You always add two tablespoons of this stuff to your crust.”

Grantaire glanced at the box before smiling at Enjolras. “Thank you.”

Enjolras nodded. He walked over to the drawer next to the refrigerator and pulled out a knife and the potato peeler. He took them over to his spot at the island and set off to peeling, dumping the discarded skin into the blue bowl and cutting up the apples into squares, throwing them into the orange bowl.

Grantaire paused his measuring for a moment to watch Enjolras work, his mind gaining a memory of the last time that Enjolras had tried to help him peel something, only to end up removing the top layer of his index finger instead. “Be careful,” Grantaire warned, wincing when Enjolras clipped the tip of his fingernail. “I don’t want any blood or bits in my pie.”

Enjolras stuck his tongue out. “Whatever, R.”

For the next half hour, the kitchen was silent as both Grantaire and Enjolras worked. Grantaire finished first, declaring that he was going to go and take a shower while his dough chilled. Once again, he kissed Enjolras on the cheek before leaving the room.

 While Enjolras and Grantaire hadn’t tried anything physical, Grantaire learned his third night home that it was easier to just give in to his urges and be affectionate with Enjolras than it was to ignore them. As Grantaire had learned before moving back home, it only made him angry and confused to push Enjolras away. Enjolras, of course, still refused to initiate anything.

Grantaire tried his hardest not to image Enjolras initiating as he washed his hair, the shampoo running down his face and into his eyes. He didn’t have enough time to let his mind wander, especially when he still needed to give Jack a bath.

 _God,_ Grantaire was horny as fuck, though. He hadn’t been able to jerk off at all since he came back, and with not being sure what exactly was going on between him and Enjolras, he was really struggling to keep his urges down. He was quickly realizing, however, that he wanted Enjolras, and he wanted him _bad._ Whether that had something to do with his memories or simply his hormones, he had no idea. All he knew what that every time Enjolras stripped down to his boxers before bed, or anytime that he would come out of the shower in just a towel, the water running down over his soft pecks and his slight belly, it took all of Grantaire’s restraint not to fuck him then and there.

 _And_ there his mind went with the thoughts. _Well, might as well take care of this then,_ Grantaire thought, soaping his hand up before reaching down and giving in to desire.

 

***

 

Enjolras put the bowl of cut apples into the fridge before going upstairs towards the bathroom, hoping that Grantaire would be able to hear him over the running water when he told him he was going to grab Jack and take a shower with him. When he got to the door, though, he lost all ability to speak as he heard Grantaire moan his name. All the blood began to flow south as Enjolras stood there, his mouth agape and his head filling with images.

Enjolras put his hand on the doorknob. What would it hurt, going in for a moment? He could lie and say that he heard Grantaire calling him, and thought that Grantaire was in trouble. Or maybe he could say that he just needed to grab something, and that he would be out in a moment. Hell, he would figure out what to say later. For now, he just _needed_ to get a glimpse of his man.

He took a deep breath and twisted the knob, his cock hardening further when he realized that Grantaire had left the door unlocked. This was his chance. If Grantaire rejected him, well, at least he tried. He pushed the door open the rest of the way, slowly removing his tee-shirt, jeans, and boxers as he walked towards the shower.

God, this could go so badly. Grantaire could freak out and leave, or he could call the cops and tell them that Enjolras had come on to him when he didn’t want it. He could tell Enjolras to fuck off, or could tell him that he would never feel anything for him other than pity.

None of Enjolras’s fears could beat the euphoria that erupted within him when he caught his first glimpse of Grantaire, his eyes dark with his desire and his cock flushed as his hand flew back and forth. When Grantaire realized that Enjolras was in the shower with him, though, he let out a squeak and held his hands up.

“Enjolras! What’re you doing?”

Enjolras shook his head, stepping forward and wrapping his arms around Grantaire’s lower back. He leaned his forehead again Grantaire’s. “Please. Please let me take care of you.” He reached his hand out, setting it on the brunet’s lower stomach, only inches above his member. He let his fingers trail further down, using his nails to gently dig into the skin.

“Are you sure . . .?” Grantaire asked, his voice trailing off as Enjolras’s erection bumped against his own.

Enjolras nodded, moving a hand around to clench the back of Grantaire’s right thigh. “God, yes. Please, baby, it’s been so long since I’ve gotten to touch you.” He grabbed Grantaire’s quad tightly, his hormones skyrocketing as he heard him let out a breathy moan. He pulled back and stared into Grantaire’s eyes, pleading for consent.

When Grantaire nodded, Enjolras dropped down to his knees and immediately began showing Grantaire just how much he missed him. He swallowed his cock down, moving his hands to Grantaire’s hips so he could decide the rhythm. Went he felt the head hitting the back of his throat, he forced himself to swallow.

Grantaire let out a loud moan that went straight to Enjolras’s cock. He reached down and gently began stroking himself in time with Grantaire’s thrusts, his hips becoming too wild for Enjolras to be able to control. He didn’t mind, though. Getting his throat fucked was always one of Enjolras’s favorite things about having sex with Grantaire.

Well, that, and the hair pulling. Enjolras let out a moan of his own when Grantaire yanked on his hair, forcing him into a standing position. He flipped them so he could press Enjolras against the wall, kissing him forcefully and dropping his own hand down to Enjolras’s erection. Enjolras moaned loudly as Grantaire kissed down his body, his tongue darting out and tracing patterns along his skin. When he was finally exactly where Enjolras wanted him, he darted down and began to lap at Enjolras’s balls while using his hand to twist Enjolras’s cock.

“No, baby, I’m supposed to take care of you,” Enjolras murmured, his body betraying him and his hips started to thrust.

“Mmm, no,” Grantaire said, pulling back for a moment to lick at the sensitive tip. “You’ve done so much for me lately. Let me make you feel good.”

And feel good it did. It was almost too much for Enjolras. It had been so long since he and Grantaire had has sex like this, even from before the accident. It felt so amazing, and he felt so, _so_ in love with the gorgeous man in front of him. He threaded his fingers through Grantaire’s hair gently, his legs beginning to shake as he got closer and closer to his climax.

Within minutes, Enjolras was on the edge. He could feel his stomach tightening up, could feel his balls drawing closer to his body. God, he was going to cum, and he had barely gotten to do anything to Grantaire! He tried to pull back, tried to stop himself from cumming. “Baby, I’m going to cum if you don’t stop,” he moaned, reaching down and pinching his nipples as Grantaire sucked harder.

Grantaire pulled back again. “That’s the point.”

Enjolras shook his head, reaching down to grab Grantaire’s hair and pull him away.

Unfortunately, though, either Enjolras pulled too hard, or Grantaire wasn’t as sure on his feet on the soapy ground as he thought, as Grantaire’s feet spun out from under him and he flew back, his head cracking against the linoleum wall before he fell to the ground in an unconscious heap.

Enjolras immediately crouched down, his eyes wide with fear. “R? Can you hear me?” He reached out and shook Grantaire’s arm. No response. A feeling a dread overtook Enjolras’s stomach. He should call 911, right? He wasn’t positive, but he was pretty sure that he’d learned something at that last teacher meeting about how concurrent head injuries was a bad thing, especially if the patient was unresponsive, which Grantaire definitely was.

Enjolras shook his head, making a decision. He’d wait it out. He’d move Grantaire to the bedroom, get him dressed, and he’d check on him every few minutes while he made sure that the kids were dressed. If Grantaire stopped breathing, or got worse, he’d call 911, but until then . . . he would wake up soon, right?

He turned off the shower and stepped over Grantaire’s body, grabbing a towel off the back of the door and gently wrapping it around his lover. He pushed the shower curtain as far back as it would go, leaning down and scooping Grantaire up bridal style. He did his best to carry him into their room without jostling anything.

Enjolras laid Grantaire on the bed before going to the his closet and pulling out a pair of boxers, a pair of sweats, and a soft long-sleeved shirt. He came back over to the bed and did his best to dry Grantaire off and get him re-dressed, a task which was far more difficult to do that he had imaged it to be.

“Please be okay, baby. Please.”

 

 

 

19

 

Grantaire awoke to a pounding in his head, and a chill in his body. He groaned before snuggling back into the pillow, pulling the blankets up tighter around him. _Wait a minute . . ._ blankets? Grantaire shot up, his hand immediately going up to press at his forehead as the movement made the throbbing worse. He looked around the room in confusion, trying to figure out how he had gotten back home. The last thing he remembered was stopping at Anthony’s Floral Shop and picking up flowers for Enjolras’s class’s play.

He glanced down at his watch, his eyes bulging out when he saw that it was two o’clock in the afternoon. Man, he was so late! He ripped the covers back and started to step out of bed, only to be stopped by a hand on his arm. “No, Grantaire, you need to lay back down.”

Grantaire looked over to see Enjolras looking at him, his eyes filled with worry. “Baby, what’s wrong? Why are you looking at me like that? Did something happen to one of the kids?” His eyes widened. “Oh, my God, did something happen to Karlee? Is Elizabeth all right?”

Enjolras stared at him, his mouth agape. He looked like he was trying to talk, but all Grantaire could hear was a strangled sort of gargle escaping. This made Grantaire all the more worried. He gave Enjolras a paGrantaireed look before sprinting out of the room. When he got to the hallway, he had to stop momentarily to make the dizzy feeling go away, but once it passed he walked as quickly as he could to Jack’s room.

Jack was standing next to a beautiful aquarium with a padlocked wooden lid, filled with rocks and green plants and . . .. a turtle? Grantaire stared at it in confusion before moving closer, making sure that he had been seeing things right. Yes, he and Enjolras had talked briefly about getting him a turtle, but they had never made a firm decision either way. Why would Enjolras go behind his back and buy one?

“Hey, buddy,” Grantaire said, crouching down behind Jack and wrapping an arm around his waist. “When did you get this?”

Jack looked over his shoulder. “Daddy got me Tally for my bir-day, ‘member, Papa?”

Grantaire shook his head. “Buddy, your birthday isn’t for another week and a half. It’s only—” He paused, glancing down at his watch again. This time, he focused his eyes on the date. When he saw what it said, he nearly pulled Jack off the milk crate he was standing on. He quickly unwound his arm from around the boy and stood up, turning to the doorway where Enjolras was staring at him in shock.

Grantaire rushed over to him in panic. “Baby, I think something’s wrong. My watch says that it’s November 4, but the last time I checked it was still October.” He struggled to breathe, his throat getting tighter and tighter with every breath he tried to take.

Enjolras grabbed a hold of his arm and pulled him back into their bedroom, pushing him back down onto the bed before crawling next to him and pulling him to his chest. Grantaire could hear Enjolras’s heart racing and his own struggle to keep his breathing normal. This worried Grantaire. When he glanced up at Enjolras’s face, though, that worry turned to confusion. Enjolras had a large smile on his face, and there were a few tears running down his cheeks. Grantaire reached up and wiped them away. “Sweetheart? What is it?”

Enjolras shook his head. “You remember.” He let out a wet, breathy laugh. “Oh, God, you remember.”

“Remember what? What are you talking about?” Grantaire pulled out of Enjolras’s grasp and sat up, adjusting until he was staring Enjolras straight in the eyes.

“Grantaire, you got into a car accident a couple of weeks ago and you lost all memory of being with me or the kids. You thought that it was 2005.”

Grantaire’s eyes widened. He rocked back and leaned his shoulder forward as hard as he could, tilting his body and rolling them over until he was on top of Enjolras. He lunged forward and kissed Enjolras deeply, darting his tongue passed his lips hungrily. “I’m so, so sorry, baby,” he said, pulling for a moment to apologize before surging forward again.

Hearing what happened made Grantaire’s heart ache. He could scarcely believe that he had forgotten his husband and his children for a second but, as Grantaire really _did_ lose out on that chunk of time, he had no choice but to assume that Enjolras was right. He didn’t know what to do, or what to say. All he knew was that, for now, he wanted to be as close to Enjolras as he possibly could.

He started to kiss down Enjolras’s neck, his fingers digging down into his hips. He was stopped, though, before he could go any further by a hard yank to his hair. “No,” Enjolras said, pulling Grantaire up to him. “You already took care of me in the shower. Please let me take care of you. I’ve missed it so much.”

Grantaire barely had to think about it, his cock twitching at the idea of Enjolras’s hands being on him. He nodded and crawled off of Grantaire, hurriedly getting onto his back and pulling Enjolras on top of him.

Enjolras immediate set to work, biting and sucking on Grantaire’s neck as he stuck his hand inside the soft fabric of Grantaire’s sweat pants. “I love you,” he panted, coming up and kissing Grantaire before going back down.

“I love you too, baby, so much.” Grantaire grabbed the back of Enjolras’s head and pushed it down, letting out a deep groan as Enjolras began to suck.

As the feelings began to overwhelm Grantaire, only one thought ran through his mind. _I love this man, and this is exactly where I belong._

###

 


End file.
